Broken Promise to Self

[pluto8]

Title says it all.

 

I feel bad.

 

It's like promises are really bad to break, like, promises by definition do not get broken. Nobody can predict the future though, nobody I know of lol. Soo, not sure what that means in regards to promises lol...

Who knows mb there is a secret law to the universe that makes it so that the promises made are ones which could actually be upheld.

But what if a promise was broken more because of deliberate disregard for it rather than miscalculation of the future, like not knowing alien invasion was about to take place or that your car would be hit or something....In other words, what if a broken promise could have been saved? Does that mean the break is worse or is it like the worst thing ever either way? 

 

Anyways, I dont really know what to think or how to handle this situation. It seems serious.

Edited June 23, 2020 by pluto8
Typos

[Roy]

I know what you mean @pluto8, I've broken promises to myself so many times yet I almost never do it for other people. It's weird.

Regardless you have to practice accepting yourself, including the promises broken, and not dwell too hard on the past or the shame that comes with the "sacredness" of a promise. Remember you're literally manifesting the emotions of shame and the "holiness" of the promise yourself. So if you stop treating it as meaningful, it actually loses it's meaning. This isn't to say you should let yourself off the hook all the time, the ego tends to rationalize and twist acceptance as a pass for doing anything without consequence.

Simply allow yourself to detach enough so you can focus your energy on going back to the drawing board and setting more attainable and realistic promises.

You didn't bring up the specific situation in this thread but I'm sure what I've said will be applicable.

Hope this helps - Roy

Edited June 23, 2020 by Roy

[pluto8]

@Roy stop treating it as meaningful?

Dont have to read everything below lol....

 

About the specific situations: There are two and it is the second one which is bothersome to me because the first happened when I was young and didn't know a whole lot better. With that being said though, if I tell myself that a promise is a promise no matter what level of maturity then it would reach into my childhood more.

The current bothersome promise has to do with cigarettes, but I never used a whole lot, not like your typical addict. I dont really think they are the problem here. I would never purposely break a promise. When I make a promise to not use for X amount of time, I would try really hard to create a workaround or to find loopholes..ect...I am smart. I have a powerful mind. That mind which so strongly strives to honor the "sacredness" of a promise is also the same mind that tries so hard to come up with any creative fkin alternative pathway or something....

A really simple example would be using a Game cigar from a gas station instead of a cigarette, and then adding no Game cigars to the list of rules....

Ok well the whole thing becomes extremely complicated. I have generated some very crazy thoughts throughout this game.

Off the top of my head I can come up with: Coming from the Game cigar example I could then add that exceptions/loopholes are a thing and from there I could then look at this as a sort of loophole. Like this now. What even is this loophole? It's crazy. Mb it's just part of the previous exception/loophole,  idk.

This becomes like a battle to defeat the current list of promise rules with my max mind thought strength or whatever lol, but I'm really just like fighting myself. Kinda just realizing that now. 

This whole thing is more of a game than an addiction.

Like I said, I would never purposely break a promise.

What ends up happening is that as I get closer and closer to figuring something out I get more excited....well I dont know if I jump the gun or what, but sometimes afterwards I'll start second guessing myself. The magic goes away and I start getting worried about whether or not I successfully scored without breaking my promise....

 

I remember coming up with this one loophole that was like a loophole which was so good that it like leveled any potential false score in the past. 

I have spent hours on end coming up with things while driving for Uber Eats.

Edited June 24, 2020 by pluto8

[Roy]

@pluto8 You are aware of the creativity and trickiness of the mind trying to find loopholes, so that's a first massive step in the right direction. So keep practicing that mindfulness, simply noticing those things happening in real-time will allow you to catch yourself and break the train of thought. Then you can return to the present moment.

However this is not just a "mind" problem, but mostly an emotional one. You described it as something that makes you "feel bad". This is why I brought up the point about assigning meaning to the promise. I didn't demand you outright stop assigning meaning and give yourself a pass, but see, by setting a promise and assigning too much (or false) meaning to it while you know your mind has the power to rationalize a way to break it, you set yourself up for failure and the suffering that follows.

What's the solution? Tapping more into your emotions and letting them guide you to set up a promise or rather what "direction of decisions" to make. You see listening to the mind and establishing a promise exclusively based on what it tells you is going to make it a hard promise to keep. Your mind doesn't care what you really feel, it operates on it's own parameters most of the time (based around homeostasis and "safety", which by definition keeps you contracted and unable to develop towards your higher self ie. where your emotions are trying to take you). The content of what your mind has been filled with is not a process of what your heart is guiding you towards. It's based on external shame, guilt, and "shouldn't" mentalities which while maybe useful to give you the beginning spark of what you need to want to make a promise to yourself, doesn't give you what you need to carry through with the promise and getting the result you want.

You need to spend less time inside your head listening to your thoughts. Next time you're going to make a promise or make a change for yourself, simply ground yourself in what feels good and what your genuine emotions are guiding you towards, rather than logical conclusions and what you "shouldn't" be doing.

 

Edited June 24, 2020 by Roy

[pluto8]

@Roy

I realized that it is impossible for me to make a real promise because I cannot predict the future.

 

Interesting comment btw. I'm going to have to read it over again.

[kag101]

I don't think I've fully understand what you wrote. You had promised that you weren't going to smoke anymore, and you ended up doing it? 

[Roy]

3 hours ago, pluto8 said:

I realized that it is impossible for me to make a real promise because I cannot predict the future.

Nobody can predict the future @pluto8 so why hold yourself to such an unfair standard? You deserve better no?