Self-actualized People Are Detached?

[7thLetter]

One of the outcomes of doing personal development I've learned is that you tend to be detached from needing certain things in life. It is also mentioned on Leo's "What is Self-Actualization" thread. But how do I really tell if my detachment is a result of my personal development work or just detachment as a narcissist? I honestly do a lot of pickup on my free time, approaching random girls on the streets, and I notice how much it affects my relationships at work, etc. One thing I've noticed is that I have an extreme detachment from needing friends. I used to have a need for friends, but now it's basically gone. I'm always a bit hesitant when someone seems to want to hang out with me as a friend. Another thing I've noticed is that I dislike saying hi to friends at work. I always wish that I could get it over with, every time the shift starts. They always seem to think that I don't like them when I don't say hi. I have a feeling this part is definitely a result of narcissism.

How do I really tell if my detachment is a result of my personal development work or just detachment as a narcissist?

Edited July 22, 2016 by 7thLetter

[Mal]

@7thLetter

I don't know exactly what you are speaking of because you haven't disclosed much.

But you can avoid people for two reasons:

The first reason is that through observation you have learned that they bring toxicity and judgement into your life.  These people are to be avoided.  That's healthy.  I'm polite to them if I'm forced to work with them or be in close proximity, but that is as far as it goes. 

The second reason for avoiding people is we make people in general "wrong".

Studying self development concepts can have a brainwashing effect rather than an enlightening effect.  

It's upto you to decide what you're getting from this "work"? If it's making you more of a recluse then it might be working against you.

Being with people doesn't mean getting involved in drama or gossip, if we can operate from a place of real non detatchment we can embrace the situation while steering the interactions to genuinely fun places and bring more happiness to the conversation.

This might be a phase, you might be acting out some pain by not saying hi to people, and if they are getting upset then contemplate what it is you are communicating to them at the moment. You are not culpable because you can't see it right now, but if this is a pattern of pain you're acting out, if and when you do see it, that is a transcendance and healing point.  That's a true time of non detachment.

 

Edited July 22, 2016 by Mal

[Ayla]

@7thLetter , this might help..

 

[Mal]

@7thLetter

Also, I have absolutely no doubt the pickup material will be installing narcissistic ideas into your head.  Listen to how they refer to others and the contempt for people they have. It's not healthy

[Pav]

A self-actualising person is in no way a narcissist. If fact, they are quite the opposite, they are much more loving people, in that they need less love but are more able to give love. The average person views the world from a state of deficiency, as such will see people in terms of their usefulness in satiating their egoic lack (they see people as tools, as means to an end, rather than as people!), ie as a validation, money, or security providers, or for the pick-up community seeing women only as sex providers. Dependency colours their perception of others, they only see in people what is relevant to their own egos agenda, while ignoring or even being threatened by that which has no relevance to them.

Self-actualising people are much more internally grounded, much more independent of others, and do not need them or anything from them. Through this desireless perception, self-actualising people are able to view others wholly; they can love them because they find them inherently lovable, rather than for what they can gain; they admire them simply for traits which they find inherently admirable; they see people as the unique individuals that they are. I would go as far as to say that authentic love of another person is only possible when nothing is needed from them (this may be difficult to grasp if you are too used to a deficiency/ego-orientated type of love, true love is more like the desireless admiration a mother can have for their newly born baby, or the unconditional, omnibenevolent love proclaimed by many mystics).

I doubt there is a single self-actualising person in the pick-up community, I wouldn't look to them for self-actualisation advice. That whole game looks built on egoic deficiency, which at best can only provide a short hit of excitement/relief but will most often cause neurosis and suffering. If psychological health is your goal, I suggest cultivating this state of Being which self-actualising and mystical people live from and finding authentic values to live for which go beyond your mere self.

[Leo Gura]

15 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

How do I really tell if my detachment is a result of my personal development work or just detachment as a narcissist?

Sit alone in a room for 12 hours without doing anything. See how happy you are. If you're detached, you'll be a happy camper. If you're not a happy camper, you're attached to whatever.

[Lynnel]

@7thLetter Don't forget that the way your mind views people is to some extent related to the way it views itself and your form identity. 

 

On 22/07/2016 at 11:23 AM, Mal said:

 

The second reason for avoiding people is we make people in general "wrong".

Studying self development concepts can have a brainwashing effect rather than an enlightening effect. 

It's a bit off-topic but have you also noticed that people that usually seek help and are just starting, or doing this for only 1 year or 2/not doing it seriously or whatever are generaly way more complicated to interact with than let's say normal people who don't do self-actualization ?

Like if normal people have a normal degree of "fucked-upness" which makes them barely interesting the ones that actually engage in self-actualization because of their deep problems are even worse and often not frequentable at all?