Spiral Dynamics: Can people separated by stages be in a relationship?

[Lyubov]

Without highjacking another recent thread here with my question I started to reflect on myself and noticed the women I like and honestly really only want to invest time into are orange-green and above. I feel basically no connection to ones lower than this. I may find some physically attractive but it's really hard for me to see anything working with someone who is less developed than myself. Is it possible for instance for somebody who is a solid blue to marry someone who is solid green? To me that would be like a fundamentalist Muslim dating a hippie. Doesn't seem plausible and in such instances usually the person who is less developed seems to make quite a bit of advancement towards the higher stage when this happens. Can anyone think of any examples of relationships where two people were so far apart developmentally? 

[Rolo]

i think there are other factors at play in regards to relationships. There may be certain needs that a person needs fulfilled like motivation from the other partner or whatever.

I dont think judging someones compatibility should be entirely focused on spiral dynamics. there are many other features to a persons character and if the compatibility is right a lot of the issues that are recognised are low hanging fruit to be picked. That doesn't mean you should find a stage red person and try to fix their problems, just make investigation into a person before you draw conclusions.

[Onemanwolfpac]

8 hours ago, Lyubov said:

Without highjacking another recent thread here with my question I started to reflect on myself and noticed the women I like and honestly really only want to invest time into are orange-green and above. I feel basically no connection to ones lower than this. I may find some physically attractive but it's really hard for me to see anything working with someone who is less developed than myself. Is it possible for instance for somebody who is a solid blue to marry someone who is solid green? To me that would be like a fundamentalist Muslim dating a hippie. Doesn't seem plausible and in such instances usually the person who is less developed seems to make quite a bit of advancement towards the higher stage when this happens. Can anyone think of any examples of relationships where two people were so far apart developmentally? 

You are over analysing. 

Go date. Get laid. Have fun. Let things go. 

Contrary to the nonsense that Hollywood sells, these things are not forever, and its monetary scheme. Why does anybody of any color need to be the same? Same isn't polarising. Its depolarizing. Its anti seductive. Predictably isn't seduction nor is routine or Dr Phil plan sexy times. Like wut? 

Your biggest problem is that you are trying to rationalise a process that isn't rational. You divide on a imaginary color. Culture? Religion? Race? How about Iq? Socioeconomic status? Does education count? How many pieces of paper they got from a government institution? The following is what the culture tells the girls when guys tend to date younger which spells disaster. 

Quit over thinking it. Go take action. Experience > rationale. 

[Username]

@Lyubov To me people below yellow are rather boring. However relationships are about connection. The moment you really connect with someone level of development isn't an issue. When someone is present there are no concepts or ego.

The question is: can you be both present? Even yellow ego is mechanical and uninteresting.

[Roy]

13 hours ago, Lyubov said:

Can anyone think of any examples of relationships where two people were so far apart developmentally? 

A huge amount of relationships I see (living in rural Canada) are between solid Blue men and Green women. The man will act as the "noble pillar" simply working hard all the time and being that rock, while the women will be more community/relationship based (generally speaking). Of course the women will try to challenge and push the man emotionally and value wise but he'll usually stick his ground in a fair manner, and the women will understand that foundational aspects he offers is what she needs, so she accepts him and doesn't try to change him too much.

Remember people go their whole lives stuck on one stage and that's OK! It can still be a great life. Love is about accepting your S/O as they are, and not expecting them to change all the time. Otherwise it's not unconditional and it's not true love, it's selfishness.

Also I think people who learn about Spiral Dynamics start to subconsciously (and consciously) demonize those on the lower stages and paint bad pictures of them in their mind, because it's tied with personal development at that one is "better" than another. They are imagining that a "Woke Green or Yellow" couldn't and (shouldn't) love a Blue person because they are too conservative and backwards.

As if love cares................. love is just love. Stop trying to think about it and quantify it, as @Onemanwolfpac said love isn't rational.

Just be love.

 

Edited June 22, 2020 by Roy

[Carl-Richard]

Despite Norway being generally green, my mom leans towards blue-orange, and my dad is very green. They got separated when I was 7, and it was my mom that wanted separation if I remember correctly. Maybe that speaks for itself or maybe not . Now my dad is happily married with a green goddess from Portland, Oregon (can you get any more green lol), and my mom is still single. She has been dating a policeman, some ex-military dude and a professional athlete (pretty blue stuff).