Feeling Lost in COVID. Stuck in Another Country... Losing my dream

[Rohit N]

Hi,

I have been working hard towards my goal of becoming a singer & composer for last 2 years. I had lots of songs/covers lined up.

I live in Vietnam, I bought all the recording equipment and made a mini studio in my home.

I came to India to meet my parents and siblings. Then, the lock-down happened. I got stuck here since March. Ever since, i don't have any equipment to practice or do anything. It is making me so restless and depressed. I finally was able to get a mini (kids keyboard) to work with.

Though, I am finding myself increasingly frustrated (It's been 3 months being in India).I recently got angry and threw my mouse at the screen and cracked the screen.I RARELY lose patience and get angry. I find myself kicking and punching things and objects randomly.

I now read that the borders maybe closed for another 6 months. It is really impacting me emotionally. I mediate and visualize regularly, but its not helping me much. I feel like, I m wasting my life away. Plus, I lost my income as well. My job is still waiting for me, but they stopped paying me. I probably will have to borrow money.

I am losing my motivation to sing and compose. I don't even feel like playing the keyboard anymore.

Please any help or any suggestions are welcome too.

Thank You

 

 

[Apparition of Jack]

Maybe use this as an opportunity to try out new things that aren’t composing. Yes it sucks that you can’t do that since it’s your passion, but there’s no reason why you couldn’t find other passions too.

Maybe try learning languages, or researching interesting topics, or getting real good at film critique, or hell just listen to music yourself and be inspired by what others have created. Maybe take up another way of expressing yourself, like drawing or writing. Music is your one love but it doesn’t mean you can’t cheat a little while she’s out of the picture, and I’m sure there’s plenty of other frisky hobbies waiting for you to fool around with them, haha ? 

[Epikur]

8 hours ago, Rohit N said:

Hi,

I have been working hard towards my goal of becoming a singer & composer for last 2 years. I had lots of songs/covers lined up.

I live in Vietnam, I bought all the recording equipment and made a mini studio in my home.

I came to India to meet my parents and siblings. Then, the lock-down happened. I got stuck here since March. Ever since, i don't have any equipment to practice or do anything. It is making me so restless and depressed. I finally was able to get a mini (kids keyboard) to work with.

Though, I am finding myself increasingly frustrated (It's been 3 months being in India).I recently got angry and threw my mouse at the screen and cracked the screen.I RARELY lose patience and get angry. I find myself kicking and punching things and objects randomly.

I now read that the borders maybe closed for another 6 months. It is really impacting me emotionally. I mediate and visualize regularly, but its not helping me much. I feel like, I m wasting my life away. Plus, I lost my income as well. My job is still waiting for me, but they stopped paying me. I probably will have to borrow money.

I am losing my motivation to sing and compose. I don't even feel like playing the keyboard anymore.

Please any help or any suggestions are welcome too.

Thank You

 

 

I can imagine how bad it feels btw I am in philippines. I read your journal.

I guess part of it is probably regret. When I get angry it's actually that I am angry at me. The worst anger seems to be regret. That I did something wrong where I could have done the right thing. 

In general the amount of frustration we feel is related to the amount of expectations we have. Basically the lower the expectation the lower the chance that you will get frustrated. 

You are getting data about yourself. Some data is only to be get in a crisis situation. So you learn about yourself. If you have financial problems and you still want to make music that means you are quite committed for example. 

Other lessons you can learn is always be prepared for the worst case scenario. If you are prepared for it you will not go crazy about it. 

Seeing what is important. One ideal could be to be self sufficient as much as possible so that you live on your own without needing too much others. 

One problem with visualization is that you work too hard against your programming and that can create frustrations. 

Also you can always think how good you have. You shurely can imagine how worse it could have become. Or that this crisis prepared you for bigger crisis.






 

[AlphaAbundance]

8 hours ago, Rohit N said:

Ever since, i don't have any equipment to practice or do anything.

This is a thought / belief and its false as you found a way to get equipment and frankly there is plenty to do.

8 hours ago, Rohit N said:

I now read that the borders maybe closed for another 6 months. It is really impacting me emotionally. I mediate and visualize regularly, but its not helping me much. I feel like, I m wasting my life away. Plus, I lost my income as well. My job is still waiting for me, but they stopped paying me. I probably will have to borrow money.

Nah your thoughts and beliefs about the borders closing are impacting you emotionally. Scenario --> Perception & Thoughts ---> Emotions. "Wasting your life away" isn't a feeling - it is a perspective and thought. Obviously the facts are you have limited funds and your equipment is in Vietnam but you "wasting my life away" is a thought. The question is are you going to choose to see it that way? Is this an opportunity to prove to yourself you have what it takes to become a musician or an opportunity to give up?

Figure out what are the exact thoughts causing your emotions? Like STE style (Scenario - Thought / Perception - Emotion). It seems like your problems are 

• I can't pursue music
• I lost my income
• I don't know what to do

It may be that the path moving forward is acceptance and improvement. It might be to try to let go of the emotions that arised based on the assigned meanings and endeavors you would like to pursue in your life. Just like the mini - you gotta find a way to either get to Vietnam (I don't know if this is safe so don't quote me) or get money for new equipment. Also this situation is hard but these type of situations are exactly the strenous hurdles that will arise in your path to become a singer & composer. So you gotta ask yourself - are you going to rise to the occasion or bitch & moan?

[Rohit N]

On 6/21/2020 at 7:58 AM, Epikur said:

I can imagine how bad it feels btw I am in philippines. I read your journal.

I guess part of it is probably regret. When I get angry it's actually that I am angry at me. The worst anger seems to be regret. That I did something wrong where I could have done the right thing. 

In general the amount of frustration we feel is related to the amount of expectations we have. Basically the lower the expectation the lower the chance that you will get frustrated. 

You are getting data about yourself. Some data is only to be get in a crisis situation. So you learn about yourself. If you have financial problems and you still want to make music that means you are quite committed for example. 

Other lessons you can learn is always be prepared for the worst case scenario. If you are prepared for it you will not go crazy about it. 

Seeing what is important. One ideal could be to be self sufficient as much as possible so that you live on your own without needing too much others. 

One problem with visualization is that you work too hard against your programming and that can create frustrations. 

Also you can always think how good you have. You shurely can imagine how worse it could have become. Or that this crisis prepared you for bigger crisis.-----


@Epikur

 

Than for your reply.

Yes, part of it s regret and part of it is. I am angry at myself.

I didn't really prepare for worst case scenario. I should have done that.

I have decent compared to others, but at the same time I am way more committed to my goals than other people. That plays part into my frustration. Now, this has kind of prepared me for bigger crisis.

I will find a way.

 

 

Edited June 22, 2020 by Rohit N
Formattng

[Rohit N]

On 6/21/2020 at 8:10 AM, AlphaAbundance said:

This is a thought / belief and its false as you found a way to get equipment and frankly there is plenty to do.

Nah your thoughts and beliefs about the borders closing are impacting you emotionally. Scenario --> Perception & Thoughts ---> Emotions. "Wasting your life away" isn't a feeling - it is a perspective and thought. Obviously the facts are you have limited funds and your equipment is in Vietnam but you "wasting my life away" is a thought. The question is are you going to choose to see it that way? Is this an opportunity to prove to yourself you have what it takes to become a musician or an opportunity to give up?

Figure out what are the exact thoughts causing your emotions? Like STE style (Scenario - Thought / Perception - Emotion). It seems like your problems are 

• I can't pursue music
• I lost my income
• I don't know what to do

It may be that the path moving forward is acceptance and improvement. It might be to try to let go of the emotions that arised based on the assigned meanings and endeavors you would like to pursue in your life. Just like the mini - you gotta find a way to either get to Vietnam (I don't know if this is safe so don't quote me) or get money for new equipment. Also this situation is hard but these type of situations are exactly the strenous hurdles that will arise in your path to become a singer & composer. So you gotta ask yourself - are you going to rise to the occasion or bitch & moan?

@AlphaAbundance

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, true that these are my thoughts. Probably scenarios causing emotions. Problems are clear and they can be resolved.

I have to find a way to get to Vietnam. I can always borrow from friends, If I really need it.

It is emotionally tough and challenging. There is an option that I goto Australia and then get to Vietnam, I have to go through double quarantine.

More stress , but I will find a way. THanks for the support

[Heaven]

Life is full of diversity right now..I used to live in US and went back home because I lost my job there. 
I know that u feel guilty/blame yourself but u couldn’t do better. If you want me to expand on this one just lemme know.

Be strong and patient.
I’m accepting what is and increased my spiritual practices(Meditation, yoga and HOF method) in this time. It works fine for me.

Wish u the best?