You're chasing your own tail. You'll NEVER catch it.  You think you're running towards, but you are actually running away.  You want peace, here it is.  You want a safe and permanent position so you can finally say that you know what this is.  You think the quest for God will give you the ultimate position, that is why you are chasing it. If God is truly infinite, total freedom, what do you think this is?  You say you want freedom. But on your terms!  If you could have freedom, if you could achieve it, would it really be freedom? If you could achieve it, you would be afraid to lose it. Would that be freedom?  This is freedom speaking, this is freedom listening. Freedom is all.  Can you see, that it is hopeless for you to look for freedom, because it literally is all there is? Even the experience of it being somewhere else, is freedom. Can you see that this "work" isn't a gain, but a loss?  You missed enlightenment as soon as you believed it was real.