Why Am I Always Needy In My Relationships How To Stop Being Needy In A Relationship?

[Askarov]

Hi all some days ago me and my lover were fighted and after that i did everything to save this relationship now things goes ok but the problem is now  i Realised  that i am so needy and my mind keep tells me you cannot live without her. Now we start talking each other everythings ok but i am not fulfilment and i feel fear of losing her. 
So what should i do what kind of exercises can help this situation?

[JessiChell]

@Askarov

So Leo says the thing women find the most unattractive is neediness. The fact that there is neediness present means this is a codependent relationship. It will have to end. You will have to lose her to be able to work on yourself. 

But don't worry. You will find someone way better after the breakup, you. 

I went through a rough breakup a month or so ago. Still going through it. But Leo got me through it. I put on his videos and listened to him constantly. At work, at home, like 12 hours a day for 3 weeks straight. He has a whole series of break up videos. The one that helped me the most was "How to Deal with Strong Emotions." 

You can do it. 
 

 

Edited June 18, 2020 by JessiChell

[JosephKnecht]

16 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

But Leo got me through it. I put on his videos and listened to him constantly. At work, at home, like 12 hours a day for 3 weeks straight.

Sounds like someone is in love? 

 

1 hour ago, Askarov said:

Realised  that i am so needy and my mind keep tells me you cannot live without her.

Can you pinpoint what exactly do you need from her? You must bring the specific aspects of your neediness into your awareness to relinquish it. 

Do you need her because she is pretty? Or because she is kind? Or because she is funny? Contemplate on this. 

[Amandine]

4 hours ago, Askarov said:

Hi all some days ago me and my lover were fighted and after that i did everything to save this relationship now things goes ok but the problem is now  i Realised  that i am so needy and my mind keep tells me you cannot live without her. Now we start talking each other everythings ok but i am not fulfilment and i feel fear of losing her. 
So what should i do what kind of exercises can help this situation?

Surely there's no reason to break up with her or do anything melodramatic, we're all more or less insecure/"codependent" in our romatic relationships (especially after a fight, lol!) since nobody's perfect and we can't own or control the other person.

You obviously want to stay with her and feel safe with her in the future, you might even really love her, so to rebuild the intimacy and trust back between you both, wouldn't it be better right now if you just simply tell her there's something on your mind that makes you feel a bit strange?

Tell her you'd just like to have a little chat with her about something, sit down next to her in a quiet room, take her hand in yours if you like, and share in a human-to-human way with her how you feel (that you don't like conflict, and the fight made you realise how much you appreciate her and that you would never want to lose her, that you're really happy with her and want to stay together).

This will bring "emotional closure" and a proper healing after the fight. 

I take it you've both already explained to each other why you were both hurt and put yourself in each other's shoes to understand the hurt caused.

Be careful of confusing neediness with vulnerability. It's good to be vulnerable and honest, it's what makes us human. It's by not expressing your need with your loved one that creates neediness.

Communication is the key to making all human relationships work, as well as honesty and compromise.

In the meantime you can work especially on your self-confidence/deep-down sense of insecurity, which will be a slow on-going process. There are plenty of google articles and youtube videos which can help you (just search on youtube or on google stuff like "stop being needy and insecure" or "tips for men more self confidence" or "How to Stop Feeling clingy and Worrying in a Relationship").

Also affirmations are a good way to feel more secure in a relationship. Every day you can simply repeat to yourself:

"I have a loving and supportive partner".

"I completely trust my relationship with my partner".

"I feel safe and secure in my relationship".

"My partner loves me and accepts me for who I am".

"I am worthy of love and appreciation".

Obviously if being with her goes against your deep-seated values, or if it's a constant on-off relationship and not getting anywhere, or you don't actually love her anymore, then the relationship is over and you must move on.

Listen to your heart and do what really resonates the best with you. 

Things will work out fine, good luck @Askarov Let us know how it goes. Don't hesitate if you need to share more details or information with us so we can better fine-tune our responses.

Edited June 18, 2020 by Amandine

[JessiChell]

@JosephKnecht I am in love with the parts of Leo I know and think to be true. 

But Leo has become me in my head. 

I love myself. I love Leo. 

[Askarov]

5 hours ago, Amandine said:

Surely there's no reason to break up with her or do anything melodramatic, we're all more or less insecure/"codependent" in our romatic relationships (especially after a fight, lol!) since nobody's perfect and we can't own or control the other person.

You obviously want to stay with her and feel safe with her in the future, you might even really love her, so to rebuild the intimacy and trust back between you both, wouldn't it be better right now if you just simply tell her there's something on your mind that makes you feel a bit strange?

Tell her you'd just like to have a little chat with her about something, sit down next to her in a quiet room, take her hand in yours if you like, and share in a human-to-human way with her how you feel (that you don't like conflict, and the fight made you realise how much you appreciate her and that you would never want to lose her, that you're really happy with her and want to stay together).

This will bring "emotional closure" and a proper healing after the fight. 

I take it you've both already explained to each other why you were both hurt and put yourself in each other's shoes to understand the hurt caused.

Be careful of confusing neediness with vulnerability. It's good to be vulnerable and honest, it's what makes us human. It's by not expressing your need with your loved one that creates neediness.

Communication is the key to making all human relationships work, as well as honesty and compromise.

In the meantime you can work especially on your self-confidence/deep-down sense of insecurity, which will be a slow on-going process. There are plenty of google articles and youtube videos which can help you (just search on youtube or on google stuff like "stop being needy and insecure" or "tips for men more self confidence" or "How to Stop Feeling clingy and Worrying in a Relationship").

Also affirmations are a good way to feel more secure in a relationship. Every day you can simply repeat to yourself:

"I have a loving and supportive partner".

"I completely trust my relationship with my partner".

"I feel safe and secure in my relationship".

"My partner loves me and accepts me for who I am".

"I am worthy of love and appreciation".

Obviously if being with her goes against your deep-seated values, or if it's a constant on-off relationship and not getting anywhere, or you don't actually love her anymore, then the relationship is over and you must move on.

Listen to your heart and do what really resonates the best with you. 

Things will work out fine, good luck @Askarov Let us know how it goes. Don't hesitate if you need to share more details or information with us so we can better fine-tune our responses.

thanks man now we are chatting with telegram every day cos of covid about the 4 month we are not met in person

[hamedsf]

stop being needy! that's the ultimate answer!

I SHOULD overemphasize that if the person is way needier than the other person, he/she will destroy the relationship by the very his/her hand!!

find more ways to enjoy by yourself and share it whenever you need to do with your partner! 

[Onemanwolfpac]

On 18/06/2020 at 8:27 AM, Askarov said:

Hi all some days ago me and my lover were fighted and after that i did everything to save this relationship now things goes ok but the problem is now  i Realised  that i am so needy and my mind keep tells me you cannot live without her. Now we start talking each other everythings ok but i am not fulfilment and i feel fear of losing her. 
So what should i do what kind of exercises can help this situation?

Being beta like that is a great way to insinuate the other person can cuckoldry and do all kinds of harmful stuff but you will be waiting there to "help fix the relationship." Go Meditate. Go make friends. Go get muscles. Learn a language. 

[Kalki Avatar]

@AskarovNeediness can only be completely overcome through enligthenment. But, you can still reduce it massively before it. Realize, the main cause is your shadow/ego projecting like crazy. 

Some ways to reduce it are:

1. Inquiring your beliefs about women/sex/relationships until you get rid of the vast majority that affect you. A major Shift should happen. 

2. Writing down and sticking to new more actualized principles and perspectives about what you used to be needy or still are. (New attitudes also apply, because they become habitual:Openness, Honesty, letting go, Nonchalant, forgiving, feminine).

3. Practicing constant relaxation and slow deep breathing to calm the mind automatic need of doing/getting/having. Compulsion creates neediness, karma needs to be slowed down. 

4. Getting alot of experience in the field and knowledge until you get desensitized. 

Im personally out of the dating game right now. I have read, learned and experimented. Actually, I don't like much the women in my country because of their programming. Imagine living in a 3rd World country and having all this massive knowledge, vision and enligthenment experiences. I can barely tolerate my family at this point. I have no Idea how Leo got a girlfriend who matched his level of understanding. And, I have a nasty shadow which I discovered in my last relationship. I don't want to go on affecting others just to discover my hidden triggers.

Before getting into understanding sex, women, relationships and Survival I was all alone and ignorant in these topics. I was only focused on spirituality and I got curious to experiment. I swear I was better before and wouldn't regret skipping all this. So much karma and bullshit to survive in everything. The only thing I thank Leo was making me conscious of survival and self-deception at its core. 

Edited June 22, 2020 by Kalki Avatar

[Rolo]

i think contemplating what you need is a important way to know your needs.

 

once you know your needs more and more its easier to recognize that life is supporting you at a existential level. 

 

i found centering helped me a lot, specifically abdominal breathing.

[flowboy]

Read "The Way Of The Superior Man".

Find a purpose that you put before her.