Guilt when spending money/Job Dissatisfaction

[Chumbimba]

Hello All,

I have biting guilt when I spend money on big things. I am currently doing coding/software engineering and I needed a new laptop so I bought a mac book pro. I work hard I have full time job and also I do postmates on the side but I am afraid to be homeless again so I hoard my money and then feel guilty for sending it. I am also deeply afraid of getting fired from my job or laid off and being homeless. I "needed" the laptop (I hate windows and I wanted to get something nice for myself) but at the same time I am afriad I am going to lose my job and be broke. What should I do should I return it ?  

[universe]

While its nice to have a cushion to fall back on. Investing in your career is always a smart move. Because that way you will likely make more money instead of wasting it.

[Dlavjr]

Feel bad about spending money on useless shit, don't feel bad about making an investment towards your future. How much do you value yourself? How important is your purpose? That should take priority over everything else, money is nothing but a means for you to pursue your dream, if it's spent wisely it's not wasted. Maybe create a spending plan for yourself where you set aside some money for a cushion and some money to put towards things you need to make yourself happy. Locking yourself into a routine or pattern of sorts is a good way to grind and grow. Set aside time for purpose and time for recreational use. Just maintain discipline and you will be fine. 

[supremeyingyang]

@Chumbimba

1. Decide if it's risk or gamble. Risk = if you lose it's a loss but you'll be okay, Gamble = if you lose you are really fucked, i. e. homeless

2. Do you paid cash or with a loan? Generally no extravagant stuff until you have a 6 Months safety net. No extra debt.

Opinion: You can learn 98% as good with a 400$ Laptop from Walmart with Linux Ubuntu and you learn some Linux skills if you need to do something on a Server... It's not as cool to brag about. If you really want this Macbook work hard and then save until you have a safety net

[Chumbimba]

@supremeyingyang I paid cash but it was a lot of money. I know I can make it back but it will just take time. My job and family situation makes me so anxious I am always afraid for my security 

[Parththakkar12]

@Chumbimba You seem to be lacking clarity on who you are as a consumer, your spending ethics. When that is the case, you will feel anxious about whether you're spending on the right things or not. I'd say follow your intuition on that and find yourself as a consumer. Mistakes (in this case, bad buys) will be a part of that process of finding yourself.

According to my spending ethics, all spending done on personal development is good spending. I feel confident that it will yield returns long term.

Edited June 18, 2020 by Parththakkar12

[mandyjw]

@Chumbimba Abraham Hicks is great for this subject. I've struggled with this sort of guilt a lot too. Don't look at it as a single case so much, (the laptop) but look at your thought patterns around money as a whole. 

 

[Nahm]

@Chumbimba

Can you see, even if initially or a little, that the feeling is in regard to the thoughts / perspective, rather than the content, or what the thought are about??

[Chumbimba]

When it comes to job dissatisfaction I have trouble sleeping at night because of my job and how empty I feel inside because of it. It robbed me of all my love for life. I feel like a victim to change my circumstances. I am working on this daily but really I want to become a freelancer, I just feel like it is over saturated 

[supremeyingyang]

@Chumbimba 

Is your Dayjob CS related? If not, why not?

Edited June 19, 2020 by supremeyingyang

[Applegarden]

@Chumbimba i truly empathize, i also bought a modular rig which costed me a lot of money and an 8 string guitar prior to that. I don't feel bad that i bought that 8 string after 4 years of playing it. My job feels empty, but i really try to focus on enlightenment work, so nothing really feels that bad and life moves on.