My self exploration journal 2

[Preety_India]

 

I love me some pearls 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

Amoled 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I was daddy's little girl. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I am so done with this forum. 

I see so much sexism here, its very offensive to me. I didn't expect this in such a high conscious place. It repels me. 

Frankly I'm sick of it. 

I have decided to completely withdraw myself from this place except the journals.

I'll be on the forum sometimes from now on. I like interacting with new people and even helping them. But this interaction always comes at a cost. 

There is always some sexist Bullshitter that tries to debate me and even demean me. 

This discourages women on the forum obviously. That's why there are so few women, and some of the ones who occasionally appear, disappear after a while being chased out by the men. Seen this pattern over last 2 years now. Women simply leave out of frustration because of the toxicity. 

I was the only woman out of the few who was going on and on.. But I need to end it. It doesn't serve any purpose to teach people how to not have inferior opinions on women.. 

It creates an endless cycle of me debating people I don't want to debate. Sucks that I cannot even express myself freely without constantly being hounded or questioned or picked on. Just because I am a free thinking progressive woman. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

The thing is there is a beauty in meeting new people. I like it. 

But being a woman limits me partially. It means getting hounded. 

I have made a couple of friends on here. 

They are extremely sweet. 

But I don't see the possibility of making more friends because the new stock coming in here doesn't seem to be very good. It's only the older ones who have stuck for long that seem serious about development. And their thinking has distilled and refined over time. 

So I'm mostly going to hang out with the old stock.. 

There is so much racism especially in the society section. Even Leo got sick of it and locked so many topics 

Baffles me that we live in the 21st century and people still hold onto old mentality of segregation and degradation. 

Being progressive is so difficult in this world when so many people have such closed minded ways to perceiving things. 

I do see slight improvements here and there on the forum.

But there's always an uptick in the "predatory mentality" on the forum from time to time. 

I think the mods are doing a commendable job at handling this situation, because they must be getting fed up dealing with low conscious behaviors from time to time. 

This is the only forum with high moderation. Rest of the forums on the internet don't even care about what's coming from a person's mouth. And bullying is normal in those forums. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm generally like a whistle-blower here or an advocate. 

So when I see something that is against progressive-ism, I'm usually the first one to call out the bullshit and correct. 

But I'm tired of this role. I got better things to do. 

Anyways it's more like talking to a wall. 

I can't reverse such a mentality nor is it my job to do that. 

 

It's hard to survive in a predatory mentality environment. I do my best. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

Wish some guy would dance and sing like this for me. 

Can't tell Andrew, that would be idiotic. 

If guys danced like this they would look 1000 times more attractive. Men are so stupid. They just don't know how to steal a heart. 

Edited July 8, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I first heard about this song in 2014 and after that I went crazy... 

Shucks 

I was writing such juicy stuff.. And damn the browser refreshed and deleted it. Now the words aren't the same..... Crapola. 

[Preety_India]

The best way to squash a woman's dream is to refresh the browser. I'm so angry that I feel like crashing my laptop. I can't reproduce whatever I just wrote. The emotions are gone. 

Arghhh 

 

[Preety_India]

Ok Back again 

 

Where was I......... Hmmm.!!! 

[Preety_India]

I first heard this song in 2014 and after that I went crazy... 

 

I used to imagine my second boyfriend playing along lines of the song trying to tease me from far and creating that sexual tension. The tension that I used to feel when he was near my body. 

I used to imagine being seduced by a silhouette in a distance, behind bars and chains. In smoke. Tilted hat. Tall skinny guy wanting to fuck me. 

The sexual tension growing within me. I want him but I don't want him to know that I want it. Let it be a mystery. Because this mystery is better than having him inside my body. 

Let this mystery continue 

Of course the sex is going to be too hot, but the romance will go thin. And sex is for 2 minutes whereas romance is forever. 

I wanna enjoy the chase, the tension, the wanting. 

Let him wait. I wanna play hard. Make it difficult for him. I want to be wanted forever. He want to have me forever. This dance will last as long as my heart strings are pulled up tight. I want him to stare me with his sexy eyes. So I get sucked in. He is such a smooth criminal. 

I want this mystery to continue. 

Meanwhile I wait for him. He plays his game. I smile. He smiles. It's stupid but it feels good. I want to dream of him every night and never wake up. I never want him to stop fucking me and I never want this tussle to end. 

In some ways Michael Jackson glorified the male statue. He was the pioneer in bringing raw male sexiness to the front. 

He knew how teen girls would feel, what they desired in a man. They needed that dark mysterious prince, someone they wanted secretly and didn't want to let the secret out. 

He knew the killer dance moves that would drive women crazy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have the body of a woman and the heart of a lovesick teenager. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Every parent's nightmare. 

Him staring into my eyes is all I ever need. Romance is the spice of life. Romance is better than sex. Like a novel it never ends. It can be eternal. 

I could get bored with romance. But it can be made to come alive again. It fades, it doesn't die. I revives itself. 

Romance is pure passion. Great are the romance languages that lovers speak 

 

Edited July 8, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Trying to control myself. 

No more okay???? 

Are you sure. 

No more is no more.

Be firm. 

 

Just no more... 

So what happens when I wake up. 

In a kinda sleepy mood. 

Log in to bay and take care of blueberries early in the morning and fill all slots.. 

I know you feel lazy but do it girl. 

Or go to Yahoo.

Do something there 

YouTube as well.. 

Do that.

Don't be addicted.

It will happen with some practice.. .

. 

NMF. 

 

 

Edited July 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[Zigzag Idiot]

14 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

The thing is there is a beauty in meeting new people. I like it. 

But being a woman limits me partially. It means getting hounded. 

I have made a couple of friends on here. 

They are extremely sweet. 

But I don't see the possibility of making more friends because the new stock coming in here doesn't seem to be very good. It's only the older ones who have stuck for long that seem serious about development. And their thinking has distilled and refined over time. 

So I'm mostly going to hang out with the old stock.. 

There is so much racism especially in the society section. Even Leo got sick of it and locked so many topics 

Baffles me that we live in the 21st century and people still hold onto old mentality of segregation and degradation. 

Being progressive is so difficult in this world when so many people have such closed minded ways to perceiving things. 

I do see slight improvements here and there on the forum.

But there's always an uptick in the "predatory mentality" on the forum from time to time. 

I think the mods are doing a commendable job at handling this situation, because they must be getting fed up dealing with low conscious behaviors from time to time. 

This is the only forum with high moderation. Rest of the forums on the internet don't even care about what's coming from a person's mouth. And bullying is normal in those forums. 

 

I agree about the ebb and flow of energy. People in general  do have a tendency to feed on negative energy.  I catch myself falling into it in an automatic way at times. 

I'm off and on, regarding visiting the general forum regularly but I think it's gotten better overall since joining back in December 2018. Some sharp cookies have shown up lately ,,, I thought,,

@Preety_India I appreciate your presence here,,,

[Preety_India]

@Zigzag Idiot  thanks guy. 

I appreciate your presence as well. Love your journal. I do read it sometimes. 

You do in depth studies. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

How can I improve my consciousness right now. 

By merging both physical and spiritual aspects of life. 

Mentally to be in a better and calmer state 

To create a physical state. A more normal physical state. 

I can call this a rhythm. 

Creating a physical rhythm and a spiritual rhythm. 

Anything that disturbs this rhythm is a disturbance. 

And there will a need to make corrections to these disturbances to bring back the original rhythm. 

Anything extra that benefits the rhythm directly  and or fortifies it for the future can be called optimization. This can be called integration. 

A highly complex and evolved system 

The main insights here are 

• Physical aspects of life 
• Spiritual aspects of life 
• Mental state or rhythm 
• Physical state or rhythm 
• Disturbances 
• Corrections 
• Integration 

This is the fundamental system because it cannot be any other way. 

I will call it the rhythm system

 

 

Edited July 9, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

I wanted a picture for this rhythm system. 

 

[Preety_India]

So I selected this picture from my archives 

And it will represent the rhythm system. 

This will consist of physical and spiritual aspects of life. 

The blue line represents the spiritual aspect. 

The pink line represents the physical aspect. 

 

 

When the physical aspect is not coping well, it will be flat and it the spiritual aspect is not coping well, it will be flat too. 

When both physical and spiritual aspects are in rhythm the distance between the lines will be small and both will show similar curvature. They will match each other in shape. 

When both spiritual and physical are not in tune, their shapes or curves will be different from each other. 

When both spiritual and physical aspects are elevated and coping well, in good rhythm, that is both are showing good growth then they will show a rising curve followed by a plateau that indicates stability. 

Edited July 9, 2020 by Preety_India