My self exploration journal 2

[Preety_India]

I never felt loved in my life. But maybe someday I will. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

I ordered a vegan cake this morning. Love those oreos. 

 

 

 

Told Andrew about it. Then he began to say some sexy jokes lol. 

I said to him that I'm such a cake addict. And that the cake is melting in my mouth. 

And he said that it's his dick that will melt in my mouth. That I am addicted to his cock more than the cake. He can say such sexy things to me. 

But this cake is awesome. Melts in my mouth. Already ate half of it. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Went in the morning and got some groceries. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

I need to do laundry today. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

The women from Gods belong to men who can love them unconditionally and not to any random pervert who is only seeking the flesh

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I finished laundry and some of my trading work.

 Had a productive day.. Pretty much. 

Just want some nice music, dance, some juice and some rest. 

I just want some real entertainment. 

 

I want me some cold coke. 

 

I just want to collapse into tiredness. Life can be so hard. 

I wish I don't have to do any work any more. So tired. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Finished 20 minutes of meditation. Feeling so much better. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I like to make up some concepts which I then use in my visualization practice. 

One concept that came up this morning was using a magic chemical since I deal with alchemy. 

A magic chemical that instantly promotes calm. 

I will call this chemical akemhyvoid. 

I want this chemical to look like water and be organic with some herbs and vitamins infused in it. 

I tried googling and came across a brand called Sunsweet selling herbal water. Not only are the bottles beautiful and perfect for what I had in mind but they also had these nice labels for each bottle like focusing and energizing 

This is how they look. This is an awesome find for me 

I would love to order these.

 

 

Focusing - ginger 

Energizing - green tea

 

Calming - mint and lavender 

Replenishing - dragon fruit and hibiscus 

 

[Preety_India]

 You love yourself. 

Then everything is fixed. 

 

Edited June 17, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

I need to work on my self pity issues. 

 

I sometimes tend to self deprecate a lot. 

[Preety_India]

 

Some people on this forum are racist to me. I have realized that after some interaction. I can sense awkwardness when I sense it. 

I just know how things work. 

If someone is in their race, they don't say sexual things to them.. 

But there is always a need in such men to either denigrate me or turn a foreign woman into a whore. This is what racists typically do. 

They always find a way to degrade a woman they hate. 

And they usually don't want to appear offensive. Because they know others will read that. So they use sarcastic language to get by. 

And since I'm not of their race, I don't understand what they mean so I lose obviously. 

I have just decided that it's best to keep to myself. 

If someone doesn't like you, you can't do anything about it. You can't make them to like you. 

If someone doesn't respect you because of your race, you just have to let it go. And be true to yourself. And don't care what they think. 

This was always my way. I was always alone in the end. 

Don't ask for love and respect or acceptance even if you crave it. Just be you. 

Remember those who are true will always be true. Those who are fake, will always be fake. 

And those who carry a bias about you in their mind, I mean fuck them, who cares. Let them suffer the fruits of their own bias. 

You create your world and invite those who you wanna spread your love to. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

How to deal with the situation when someone is being racist to you. 

There's no point in whining about it.. 

Be with people who are warm and accepting. 

Try to understand that there are both ways of looking at life and things. 

One way is the meta. That is looking at the bigger picture. 

I tried to look up any antonym for meta and I couldn't find one. 

Found somewhere this word that can partially do the job of an antonym. 

The word is proto. 

So understand that you have to switch between two perspectives or methods here 

One is going Meta Second is going proto 

 

The reason you feel dejected is because you are always trying to go meta. 

Try going proto. Think from a cultural perspective. People are born to be divided. This is an aspect of the world we see. 

Let's say if women don't like shorter men, there's nothing that can be done about it. You can't take a person to court because they don't accept you. You just have to learn with time that certain things are a certain way.. 

[JessiChell]

@Preety_India

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Some people on this forum are racist to me. I have realized that after some interaction. I can sense awkwardness when I sense it. 

Is it anything that can be reported to a moderator? 
 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

And they usually don't want to appear offensive. Because they know others will read that. So they use sarcastic language to get by. 

This is a cultural thing men have. They view women as lesser and probably women of a different race, even lesser. I'm sorry you experience this.
 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

And since I'm not of their race, I don't understand what they mean so I lose obviously. 

I think you know this, but there is no losing and winning. Just conscious and unconscious behavior.
 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

I have just decided that it's best to keep to myself. 

I think this is your ego trying to close you off to protect you. Don't allow ego to do this, Watch Leo's strong emotions video and feel the pain/judgments/any emotions these interactions bring up. Keep your heart open and your voice loud. 

Remember men are lesser beings but we are them, so we must love them. Love them for their simplicity and efforts. They are stunted culturally and emotionally when being reared. They are not taught empathy. Because they have no intuition they must try very hard to overcome these hurdles. 

When you see an un-evolved man, pity them. Pat them on the head or dress them down. If you allow their behavior to continue, it will. 

 

[Preety_India]

@JessiChell ❤️

 

 

[Preety_India]

You just have to feel your feelings and feel them thoroughly. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

There is a difference rape and sex. Between being free about your sexuality and being sexually indecent. 

I want to vent out so much that there is hardly any time. 

 

Edited June 18, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I want to just throw out all the toxic garbage out of me. Feels very good after exhaustive venting of all the crap that I been put through. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

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 I just love this guy. M gonna spit my drink. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Sometimes I just give into bouts of self pity. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

I'm just so fed up with myself. There's just no reason for me to be so lazy. 

Just no reason. 

I'm so fed up.