The best self love exercise

[arlin]

hi guys, im too busy working on myself so im not very active in this forum, however. I have come to discover insights about myself and my suffering which are going to help me expand on the next level of my life. I love the direction leo is going with his work!!!

So, basically, what i have discovered is how to be more gentle, more loving with myself (Coincidently, leo started doing content about this too, lately.). So im working to give myself the love that other's have denied me. 

I always was very lonely, and i felt wothless all my life. I lived in apathy and depression, didn't know what my value was in this world and suicidal. So, since my life was always about "Either i live a full life, passionate, deep and fulfilling, or i don't want it.", so i never wanted to settle for less, i begin this self improvement journey and you know, as leo says it was hard... i procastinated  and i did all this shit. It was hard more than i thought. I discovered about traumas... and i discovered that i always was very lonely, and my need for connection was buried deep down... i had (still have) deep emotional block around that.

Here is where i don't agree with leo:

I know now, that i need help. I know have worked enough to solve some blockages regarding being weak and i accept the hurt part of me more. Leo says that since you are love, you don't need external sources to fill you. 

I disagree.

I figured out that, the most loving thing i can do for myself is open up to somebody else. Somebody who is willing to stay and not afraid of my pain. To let them see it, to be vulnerable. To form connections with others who treat me gently.

I had shame around this, 1 year ago when i started, i did not even know how much lonely i was. I did not know i feared those part of me, and i avoided them, when i saw somebody who is a "nice guy" i was disgusted because they are not "strong".

I am really curious about the next videos of leo where he talks about practical exercises, but i guess they will not involve making connection with others and seeking help. 

Instead as i said, sometimes the most loving thing to do for yourself is this. Is paradoxical, but this is it. Especially if you had a traumatic upbringing.

 

 

[JayG84]

2 hours ago, arlin said:

I figured out that, the most loving thing i can do for myself is open up to somebody else. Somebody who is willing to stay and not afraid of my pain. To let them see it, to be vulnerable. To form connections with others who treat me gently.

I know it's hard to see it right now, but the goal of this work is to someday come to the realization that whatever limits you see in yourself is what creates the limits on the Love you'll be able to experience in your life.

There is an unlimited amount of Love you can experience in your life, but you have to surrender those limits one by one, not forcefully, but just by noticing them, and realizing that they are not who you ultimately are. If your "story" is that you are lonely, apathetic, depressed, worthless, traumatized, etc etc. Then you will project those things on the world and feel as if you need to find someone that will deal with them, and be willing to stay, and not be afraid of it. These are limiting beliefs that you have created in order to protect yourself. they are not actually true. There are a lot of people that will love you despite you feeling the way you do about yourself. But if you limit your love for yourself, you will always look at the love they're trying to give you through that lens. 

I don't know you man, but I love you. I mean that. I completely accept you for who you are. Right now. There are no conditions. I don't care what you have done in your life. I love you because we are One. You are me and I am you and I love you.

But notice the feelings that are coming up inside of you right now, and the thoughts that are popping in your head, the denial, the "eye-rolling", the excuses for why "that's impossible", the brushing it off as just some guy trying to sound "peace and lovey" haha. All of it. Notice all of that, and why you can't just accept it. I love you. You'll laugh. But I love you man. How do you think you'll be able to tell if you find someone who truely loves you if you can't accept it from a randon guy on the internet. ?

Investigate these limits further, question them to the fullest extent, ask yourself if they are actual and real. Is this truely who you are deep down? You know that's not who you are, because you just said:

2 hours ago, arlin said:

Either i live a full life, passionate, deep and fulfilling, or i don't want it.", so i never wanted to settle for less

Who is the witness of all these things? Who is noticing that you're lonely, apathetic, depressed, etc. Could you say your Authentic Self is witnessing it? The Self that you would be if you didn't have all these limits? Well that tells you that the things that it's witnessing are not real are they?

I can understand completely how you're feeling because I've been there, and therefore I felt the need to write to you. The Universe accepts you for exactly who you are in this moment. In fact, you are the Universe. When you realize that, all the things that you think control YOU won't matter anymore. ?

Peace dude ❤️

Edited June 16, 2020 by JayG84

[arlin]

@JayG84 This was an amazing answer of yours, thank you for everything. I feel something inside. I wish you a beautifull journey on this planet.

The " im depressed, lonely etc..." it's not a story. It always has been my experience.  This is exactly where i need to be and im going in the right direction. I respect your answer, But, this is my direction.

1 hour ago, JayG84 said:

Then you will project those things on the world and feel as if you need to find someone that will deal with them, and be willing to stay, and not be afraid of it.

You didn't understand. Im not doing this out of weakness. I don't see my pain as something that is there because i am defective and weak and somebody else has to save me or rescue me. 

Im doing it out of strength.

You and leo are not fully correct about the subject. I don't know if it's worth it that i explain it to you, but, the most important thing is that you are happy.

And.

 I don't know you, but thank you! Thank you for the nice words, i really appreciate it.

I wish you the best.

-Arlin

[JayG84]

5 minutes ago, arlin said:

The " im depressed, lonely etc..." it's not a story. It always has been my experience.  This is exactly where i need to be and im going in the right direction. I respect your answer, But, this is my direction.

"Story" was probably not the right word. But if you take anything away from my answer please let it be that You are not your thoughts or feelings. You can witness them, You can detatch from them. They are like like waves in the ocean and you are surfing. You can notice the waves go by but you don't have to surf every one. I spent 30 years thinking that it has always been my experience, until I questioned whether I was the experience or the experiencer. But you are right that you're on the right direction, no one here should convince you otherwise. Follow your intuition, you'll find your way. ?

18 minutes ago, arlin said:

You didn't understand. Im not doing this out of weakness. I don't see my pain as something that is there because i am defective and weak and somebody else has to save me or rescue me. 

Im doing it out of strength.

Of course, I didn't mean to imply weakness. I know you're strong. But love and intimacy can't be brute forced. I know it's cliche when people say "You have to love yourself before someone else can love you" but there is some truth to that. You won't find Self-Love in others. It's already in you. All you have to do is look. ?

I wish you all the best too,

Cheers,

Jay

[Soullee]

By expecting love from others you are basically giving up your own power to others and expecting others to give you your own power which you already have. Testing you strength and Making your self vulnerable will make you a victim and break you eventually if you yourself not full of love, Because you expecting it from others and You forgetting that you are the source of it all. And will not be able to receive more than what you give. Period. So only you have the key to unleash the love in you. Once you realize that you have the key, and you realize others are you and you have the key. Send me some Love dear god  ♥. Hhh

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, arlin said:

Leo says that since you are love, you don't need external sources to fill you. 

I disagree.

My words are not so simplistic.

When I say you don't need external sources to fill you that is speaking from the absolute perspective.

From the relative, practical, everyday perspective, yes, loving parents, teachers, friends, environment, etc are very important.

But the ultimate solution to not having gotten the love you needed is to take responsibility for that and to start giving it to yourself, which also includes attracting more loving people into your life. Getting love through an intimate relationship IS self-love! You are creating and attracting that relationship and you are deciding how the love flows in it. You can create that relationship as part of your plan to fill yourself with love.

The more conscious and developed you become, the more you'll be able to directly fill yourself with love without needing external sources. But on your way to this ideal you can certainly rely on external sources to strategically fill yourself up.

[arlin]

21 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You are creating and attracting that relationship and you are deciding how the love flows in it. You can create that relationship as part of your plan to fill yourself with love.

Yes, this is exactly what i meant!

Thank you leo for your beautifull work.