When should I self accept and when its just a limiting belief I have?

[RoerAmit]

Hey there everybody

I am doing some work on myself lately and I feel stuck.

When should I self accept and when its just a limiting belief I have?

What are the difference between accepting myself as I am and limiting beliefs?

I will explain:

here are some judgments of things I don’t like about myself:

I am fat

I am too fearful 

I am not good enough 

I am messy

I don't allow myself to feel emotions 

I am negative about myself 

I hate myself

Now, the problem is - maybe these are just limiting beliefs? Maybe, I am good enough?

How can I know what’s true?
And on the other side, self acceptance, maybe I just should accept that I hate myself, and I am fucked up and all of that..

Maybe its a belief? 
help please..

Before I am accepting that I hate myself, how can I know its just a belief in my head? 
Maybe I love myself..

Thank you so much everybody!

[Forestluv]

Ime, the sense that “I’m not good enough” runs deep into the subconscious. Bringing it up to the conscious level is super helpful because awareness is part of the cure.

One thing I realized is that “voice” in my head saying “You aren’t good enough” is not my true voice. They are other people’s voices that got programmed into me. When I was a boy, I loved climbing trees. It was joy and freedom. And never once did I ever think “I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good-looking enough. I’m not ‘xyz’ enough”. All that stuff got programmed into me. Particularly, by hyper critical adults. Then those their voices became the voices in my head. I would now criticize myself. I was my own worst critic. Realizing this is a game-changer. Yet the voices kept appearing and I had to go through a process of de-conditioning.

How are these voices limiting? One of the strongest voices was “I’m not smart enough”. With this programmed belief, I am going to activities that require being smart - because I don’t want to fail and I don’t want people to find out I’m not smart enough. Or if I do engage in ‘smart people’ activities, I will constantly be worrying about wether I am smart enough. I will feel like an imposter and worry about if I said something stupid. I will be trying to prove to others I am smart enough. I will seek their approval and validation. Yet no amount of validation, recognition, publications, scholarships or awards will fill that deep hole of “I’m not smart enough”. All of this is distraction from actually exploring and developing my true gifts and abilities. In addition to all the distracting thoughts I mentioned above. . . I had a belief that “being smart” meant memorizing a lot of facts. It turns out this is actually my weakest aptitude. I’m not very good at memorization and I don’t even like it. Yet I thought memorization and knowing facts meant “being smart”. This blocked me from developing my actual skills. I am a natural abstract thinker. Yet to access my abstract thinking abilities, I had to realize and drop the belief that “I’m not smart enough”. And that “being smart enough” meant memorizing, knowing facts and receiving awards. Beliefs that other people programmed into me. Once free of this, I was able to start exploring what I actually love to do and what I am naturally good at. In doing so, life becomes more fascinating, enjoyable, creative and free. We no longer have to live somebody else’s life.  

[RoerAmit]

40 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

Ime, the sense that “I’m not good enough” runs deep into the subconscious. Bringing it up to the conscious level is super helpful because awareness is part of the cure.

One thing I realized is that “voice” in my head saying “You aren’t good enough” is not my true voice. They are other people’s voices that got programmed into me. When I was a boy, I loved climbing trees. It was joy and freedom. And never once did I ever think “I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good-looking enough. I’m not ‘xyz’ enough”. All that stuff got programmed into me. Particularly, by hyper critical adults. Then those their voices became the voices in my head. I would now criticize myself. I was my own worst critic. Realizing this is a game-changer. Yet the voices kept appearing and I had to go through a process of de-conditioning.

How are these voices limiting? One of the strongest voices was “I’m not smart enough”. With this programmed belief, I am going to activities that require being smart - because I don’t want to fail and I don’t want people to find out I’m not smart enough. Or if I do engage in ‘smart people’ activities, I will constantly be worrying about wether I am smart enough. I will feel like an imposter and worry about if I said something stupid. I will be trying to prove to others I am smart enough. I will seek their approval and validation. Yet no amount of validation, recognition, publications, scholarships or awards will fill that deep hole of “I’m not smart enough”. All of this is distraction from actually exploring and developing my true gifts and abilities. In addition to all the distracting thoughts I mentioned above. . . I had a belief that “being smart” meant memorizing a lot of facts. It turns out this is actually my weakest aptitude. I’m not very good at memorization and I don’t even like it. Yet I thought memorization and knowing facts meant “being smart”. This blocked me from developing my actual skills. I am a natural abstract thinker. Yet to access my abstract thinking abilities, I had to realize and drop the belief that “I’m not smart enough”. And that “being smart enough” meant memorizing, knowing facts and receiving awards. Beliefs that other people programmed into me. Once free of this, I was able to start exploring what I actually love to do and what I am naturally good at. In doing so, life becomes more fascinating, enjoyable, creative and free. We no longer have to live somebody else’s life.  

Thanks for the honest example and explanation. 

But I still don't understand when the part of accepting myself as I am comes...

Maybe I just should accept that I am not good enough? (not smart enough)

Can you see what I mean?

[Oliver Saavedra]

In my experience I've found part of the self-acceptance process is being able to hold two beliefs at once, and feed the one you prefer

"I'm not good enough" is probably the old and most ingrained belief
"I'm enough and getting better" is probably a new belief you'd like to install

The thing is while you install the new one, the old one will resist, and you will feel like you're lying to yourself, so you'll have to hold both beliefs
A belief is just a thought you've thought a lot and it became automatic, when you were younger you just accepted this thoughts as true 
Now you are aware of them and want to change them, now you can choose what you believe in

Self-acceptance would be saying "yes, I am like this and I believe in this..." and accept it as it is
but that doesn't mean you can't change it, you can always choose what feels better for you
To change oneself definitely needs self-honesty, to say to yourself "Alright, yes I'm fat, but I want to change it and will push myself to it".

[Forestluv]

3 hours ago, RoerAmit said:

But I still don't understand when the part of accepting myself as I am comes...

Maybe I just should accept that I am not good enough? (not smart enough)

Can you see what I mean?

There are different contexts. I’m pointing out the conditioned ‘you’ and a purer ‘true you’. 

I gave the example of climbing trees when I was younger. Consider these contexts:

Context 1: When I was young, I was told that I wasn’t “tall enough”. That I would get bullied in school because I wasn’t tall enough. I wouldn’t get a girlfriend because girls like tall guys. This conditions the mind with an identity that “I’m not tall enough”. This may lead to a low self esteem and being shy because I’m not “good enough” to be loved.

Context 2: Sometimes when I was climbing trees as a boy, I couldn’t quite reach a branch. I would realize “I’m not tall enough to reach that branch”. This is a totally different context. It has nothing to do with wether I’m “good enough”. It just means I’m not tall enough to reach that branch. As a child this is no big deal. It’s a non-issue. I just figure out another way. Perhaps I go a different route or next time I bring a rope and hook to help me reach the branch.

Similarly the idea of “I’m too fat” is loaded with value judgements of not “being good enough” and being unloveable. All of that can be let go. Yet also consider another context, If I am 100 pounds over my BMI, I’m too heavy to run a marathon. It’s not about being good or bad. It’s just the physics. If I am 100 pounds over my BMI and try to do 20 mile training sessions, I will get injured. There will be too much impact on my joints and bones. So like a child climbing to the top of a  tree, I would need a new approach. If I want to run a marathon, I would need to start off with a lot of non-impact training, such as swimming, walking and the elliptical machine. Over time, weight will be lossed and we can add in some light running.  

[Aquarius]

They are all beliefs. Love yourself even when you are a work in progress. Let go.

I am in many ways imperfect, yet even when working on myself I love myself deeply. You can love yourself even when you want to change. You change because you love yourself and want to be the best version of yourself, not because you hate the way you are.

[RoerAmit]

13 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

There are different contexts. I’m pointing out the conditioned ‘you’ and a purer ‘true you’. 

I gave the example of climbing trees when I was younger. Consider these contexts:

Context 1: When I was young, I was told that I wasn’t “tall enough”. That I would get bullied in school because I wasn’t tall enough. I wouldn’t get a girlfriend because girls like tall guys. This conditions the mind with an identity that “I’m not tall enough”. This may lead to a low self esteem and being shy because I’m not “good enough” to be loved.

Context 2: Sometimes when I was climbing trees as a boy, I couldn’t quite reach a branch. I would realize “I’m not tall enough to reach that branch”. This is a totally different context. It has nothing to do with wether I’m “good enough”. It just means I’m not tall enough to reach that branch. As a child this is no big deal. It’s a non-issue. I just figure out another way. Perhaps I go a different route or next time I bring a rope and hook to help me reach the branch.

Similarly the idea of “I’m too fat” is loaded with value judgements of not “being good enough” and being unloveable. All of that can be let go. Yet also consider another context, If I am 100 pounds over my BMI, I’m too heavy to run a marathon. It’s not about being good or bad. It’s just the physics. If I am 100 pounds over my BMI and try to do 20 mile training sessions, I will get injured. There will be too much impact on my joints and bones. So like a child climbing to the top of a  tree, I would need a new approach. If I want to run a marathon, I would need to start off with a lot of non-impact training, such as swimming, walking and the elliptical machine. Over time, weight will be lossed and we can add in some light running.  

Thanks, its more clear now.

[RoerAmit]

13 hours ago, Aquarius said:

They are all beliefs. Love yourself even when you are a work in progress. Let go.

I am in many ways imperfect, yet even when working on myself I love myself deeply. You can love yourself even when you want to change. You change because you love yourself and want to be the best version of yourself, not because you hate the way you are.

The problem is, that I want to change myself because I don't love myself as I am. How can I solve that?

I already started to accept that sometimes I hate myself and that's okay. 

But, still, I want to change myself because I am tired of being the way I am now.

As far as I understand if I completely accept myself as I am, there is no reason to change. And only there real growth and change come. 

But being as I am now is so unacceptable that I can't love myself and "not needing" to change.

Can you understand?

[hyruga]

Some things you cannot change, you have to accept. Like you will die one day. Like you are born in____ and you are born a male or female.

Some things you can change. Like taking a new course/subject. 

[ArchangelG]

18 hours ago, RoerAmit said:

 But I still don't understand when the part of accepting myself as I am comes...

Maybe I just should accept that I am not good enough? (not smart enough)

Can you see what I mean?

You might wanna question that assumption directly(Im not smart enough) with questions like:

If that's 100 procent true, why is that bad?

And what that mean to me?

And then wait and see what answers might come up and then question those until you find the core of it's REALLY about.

[EddieEddie1995]

3 hours ago, RoerAmit said:

As far as I understand if I completely accept myself as I am, there is no reason to change. And only there real growth and change come. 

For me, accepting myself means that yes, there are things that I don't like about myself, there is negative criticism etc. and by accepting my worries , insecurities, selfishness I can now see how I can grow out of it . When we feel bad we usually criticize others , which mean we criticize our-self. So in that way, accepting myself means that there are selfish , ugly things about myself , and its alright, because It couldn't be other way, all our life experiences has brought us to where we are now . So I look at my avatar as something perfect , but not In a sense that I could now stop working on my avatar, but in a sense , okay I love myself as i em, and now I can work on myself  to purify it, to take out the shit i collected  . I hope this makes sense  And there is no ending process , a place where you can say "Okay, I got there, now I can relax" , I see my avatar like never ending process , and the best way is loving it, working on it, like you are doing right now . 

 

23 hours ago, RoerAmit said:

Before I am accepting that I hate myself, how can I know its just a belief in my head?

Does it really matter? What will happen if you accept that you hate yourself? How does that feel? Even if you are wrong and you accept things that are fake about you, you will feel it, you will learn from it. Don't let that stop you contemplating . Ask these questions on every judgement you have about you : What being "fat, ugly etc." looks like? What it means to me? How is that a cultural norm? Who told me what is ugly and what is not? What made me  who I em right now ?  

I hope this helps  

 

 

[Nahm]

 

On 6/15/2020 at 0:21 PM, RoerAmit said:

Now, the problem is - maybe these are just limiting beliefs? Maybe, I am good enough?

You = good. It’s not a matter of ‘good enough’. You are what good is. 

On 6/15/2020 at 0:21 PM, RoerAmit said:

How can I know what’s true?

Feeling, honesty, some inspection, and the willingness to let go of what doesn’t feel good. 

On 6/15/2020 at 0:21 PM, RoerAmit said:

And on the other side, self acceptance, maybe I just should accept that I hate myself, and I am fucked up and all of that..

The answer to that is feeling. 

On 6/15/2020 at 0:21 PM, RoerAmit said:

Maybe its a belief? 
help please..

Before I am accepting that I hate myself, how can I know its just a belief in my head? 
Maybe I love myself..

Thank you so much everybody!

When there is the experience of being aware of these thoughts, notice you are aware. No thought could ever describe that which is aware, of the thought. No thought about you could be true, because you are already the awareness, of the thought.