150ug AL-LAD trip report - birth process completed

[Mihael Keehl]

1) Intention

My intention for this trip was to consciously re-experience and release something which was probably my birth process. I am not sure whether this was actually my birth process but it seems very likely if I compare my experience to Stanislav Grof's description of a perinatal experience. I chose that intention because this "theme" was occurring for at least six of my previous trips. It was clear to me that something important, unpleasant and dense wanted to be experienced consciously and released.

I was not thrilled to do this trip because I felt pretty good and I knew that, like my past trips, this one will be very unpleasant, confusing and exhausting.

 

2) Preparation & come up

I went outside and practiced different movements (pullups, capoeira etc.). When I arrived at home, I meditated for 30 minutes and then I took the tab. During the come up phase I like to do Yoga because it helps to transition into the psychedelic state smoothly. After half an hour of that, I sat on my bed and was wandering about who I am. I was looking for the "I" but could not find it. At some point I noticed a feeling in my gut that was getting stronger and stronger.

 

3) A very complicated feeling

After a while I had to lay down because this feeling was now dominating my experience. I recognized this feeling from previous trips, so I knew what was coming next. It was a very complicated feeling which is difficult to describe. It felt like a mixture of the following: undifferentiated pain, struggle and suffering, a sense of enduring something very difficult, a lot of frustration, tension in the head, a "knot" in the stomach which was accompanied with small convulsions. Similar to my previous trips, I had a strong desire to move around in my bed, crawling in and out of blankets covering my head and pushing with the legs.

 

4) Those poor babies

This struggle went on for at least one hour. After some time I also felt anger and the desire to bite things. Furthermore I have noticed a shift taking place. The feelings of suffering and pain turned almost into lust. Towards the end, I felt that the knot in my stomach was gone and I could finally breathe deeply into my belly, which was very pleasant. Later, as I was more able to cognize what was happening, I noticed that going through this experience as an adult is pretty rough but just the thought that small babies experience something like this, broke me into tears. After grieving a little bit, I felt love, a sense of proud and empowerment for being able to go through this. It felt like this birth experience or whatever it was, was finally released fully. I was laying still, just enjoying breathing deeply.

 

5) Absorption into the LSD sound

As I was laying around, I became very introspective. There was an interesting sound which I recognized from a previous trip. (maybe a typical LSD sound?). As I listened to it, I became more and more absorbed and fascinated by it. The focus on the sound was so strong that I only noticed in retrospect that "I" almost disappeared while listening to it. Shortly after that, my normal cognitive processes reappeared and I felt almost sober. As I opened my eyes, I felt joy, harmony, inner peace and a general sense that everything will be alright.

 

6) I went outside and met my old Yoga teacher

I prepared some fruit and went outside because the weather was fantastic. I went to a park nearby, laid around and practiced different movements like handstand and juggling. I recognized an old yoga teacher whose classes I went to a year ago, he was balancing on a slackline between two trees. It was funny to see him because I remember he once told us in class that he is doing yoga for over 40 years, but here he was getting angry because he could not stay balanced on the slackline without falling off quickly. Anyway, I went up to him, we talked a little bit and he let me try to balance on the slackline.

 

7) Psychedelics and movement

I have noticed that it is much easier to learn new movement skills when you are on a psychedelic, because you get a very fine tuned feeling sense. Joe Rogan once talked about MMA fighters who microdose which helps them to "see the movements of opponents before they happen". It was much easier for me to practice handstand and I could stand a few seconds longer then when I am sober. I also was able to learn how to juggle with my left hand in just 10 minutes and as I tried to balance on the slackline for the first time in my life, my yoga teacher could not believe that it was my first time trying this, because I could maintain balance, walk forwards, backwards and do pistol squats on the slackline almost instantly.

 

8) Conclusion

I am happy that this birth process thing is finally worked through. It has been three weeks since this trip and I still feel much better. What I find surprising is that similar trip reports are hard to find. I have never heard or read trip reports about birth trauma except in Stanislav Grof's books. Christopher M. Bache also mentioned having gone through perinatal experiences in his book. I can imagine (because it happened to me in the past) that for someone who is starting to experiment with psychedelics and who had only heard trip reports about machine elves, consciousness, insights and God, could find this experiences to be very confusing and disturbing.

 

9) What I have learned

- A "theme" such as the birth process can last for several trips until it is completely released, in my case it lasted for  7 trips

- A lot of times, if the "theme" is not worked through completely in one session, at the end of the session you can feel like something is not done yet, there may be no sense of release or natural conclusion which feels very uncomfortable. 

- Also, during the days, weeks and months after some of the "incomplete" trips, I was feeling worse, depressed, sometimes very angry, addiction behavior increased and I had a more negative and pessimistic outlook towards the future, which made it very undesirable for me to do more tripping.

 

 

[outlandish]

Your notes about movement are really interesting, especially regarding balance. I've had some similar experiences - really dialing in track stands on my bike, and learning to run on train tracks with my eyes closed without falling off. 

Hope your yoga teacher didn't get more frustrated seeing you waltz up there and get it on your first try! Did you tell him you were tripping?

Also, I think I might know what you mean by that "LSD sound" - pretty trippy stuff. Can you describe it?

@Mihael Keehl

[Globalcollective]

Great report dude thanks for sharing was an interesting read ?

[Leo Gura]

Nice work! Now your next trips should open a new chapter and take you deeper to the metaphysical level.

[Consilience]

Can definitely relate to the reemergence of themes across multiple trips... a lot. This has been my experience and its really fascinating to watch how the trips unfold across time. If we study them closely, energetic patterns seem to emerge. 

That’s awesome you got through this theme. Exciting to think about where you'll go next! 

[Loving Radiance]

4 hours ago, Mihael Keehl said:

My intention for this trip was to consciously re-experience and release something which was probably my birth process. I am not sure whether this was actually my birth process but it seems very likely if I compare my experience to Stanislav Grof's description of a perinatal experience. I chose that intention because this "theme" was occurring for at least six of my previous trips. It was clear to me that something important, unpleasant and dense wanted to be experienced consciously and released.

Have you intuitively felt this sense before beginning to trip any substance? Like you knew there is something you couldn't quite put your finger on... gentle and subtle while it underlies all your experience?

4 hours ago, Mihael Keehl said:

I can imagine that for someone who is starting to experiment with psychedelics and who had only heard trip reports about machine elves, consciousness, insights and God, could find this experiences to be very confusing and disturbing.

Why should it be confusing when one intutitively knows that there is something to be left integrated?

Great report! Thank you so much

[OBEler]

@Mihael Keehl Wow AL-LAD is rare these days. Thanks for your report. AL-LAD is my favorit psychedelicum but every second time I get a big hangover the next days (headache, confusion)

I am also a big fan of combining yoga with psychedelics. What yoga exercises do you like to do? I like the bridge 

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by OBEler

[WaveInTheOcean]

beautiful <3 

[Mihael Keehl]

@outlandish

The thing about balance is interesting. In the book "Zen body being", Peter Ralston says that we are very good at handling being out of balance all the time, even when we are just standing. To truly find balance however, it is necessary to increase your sensitivity. So it makes sense that psychedelics help you with that, because they make you very snsitive. I remember one time, during a trip, I suddenly found out what gravity actually feels like. It was as if I experienced the gravitational pull for the first time. It was amazing, I was literally floored.

I did not find it necessary to tell the Yoga teacher that I was tripping, we were not that close and I felt pretty sober.

The LSD sound that I heard a few times is deep, metallic and the more I concentrate on it, the more it seems to slow down. 

First you hear it like this: --------------------------------

when it slows down it is more like this: --------  ---  ---  ---   --   --   --   --   --   --    -    -    -    -    -    -

it is like the deep, metalic sound gets stretched out and you start to notice the silent spaces in between the little bits of sound. 

If I remember correctly, the sound also has qualities of expansion and contraction. It pulsates like a jellyfish and becomes louder, quiter, louder, quiter. It becomes so fascinating that it absorbes you.

[Mihael Keehl]

@Loving Radiance

Only after my very first trip with a moderate dose, I knew that there is a lot of stuff in my psyche/subconscious that I need to deal with but I have never expected something like the reliving of the birth process to happen. 

"Why should it be confusing when one intutitively knows that there is something to be left integrated?"

I would not say that I had an intuition, I only started expecting this "theme" because it happened so many times in the past that I recognized a pattern and also because I had a conceptual understanding of perinatal experiences. But this puzzle pieces only connected after the third or fourth trip with the birth process theme. Before that, it was very confusing.

 

[Mihael Keehl]

@OBEler

I have never experienced a hangover after AL-LAD, only a pleasant afterglow. But I have noticed a correlation between having "incomplete" psychedelic experiences on AL-LAD and a decrease in sleep quality. Of course, it is also difficult to go to sleep even after a good trip, but that usually lasts only for one night.  

I usually do a full or partial hatha yoga sequence. The bridge is great, I also like the shoulder stand and the triangle.

 

[Loving Radiance]

@Mihael Keehl Thank you!

[outlandish]

@Mihael Keehl that sound does sound similar to what I've experienced. Yes, it's like a fascinating deep metallic drone sound that is ever morphing, and is related to the attention you put on it, so there is this feedback loop between attention and sound, as if you are listening to your own listening.

6 hours ago, Mihael Keehl said:

It was as if I experienced the gravitational pull for the first time. It was amazing, I was literally floored.

Gravity is very flooring, lol.