fear of ejaculation

[IJB063]

@AtheisticNonduality

6 hours ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

Nah, that's just stage blue kink shaming.  People can eroticise anything they want as long as doesn't cause any real harm to non-consenting individuals.

It’s not about Puritanism your missing the point, it about what psychological healthy 

@JessiChell

1 hour ago, JessiChell said:

This was interesting to read, guys. 

@IJB063 You're right, it comes from trauma usually. Religious trauma or other relationship traumas but it can also come from societal norms, which, the individual may perceive as failure. However, I thought this work was about self-acceptance as you are. Traumas/failures included. I thought it would be healing to accept this part of you. 

I thought there was no "right and wrong?"

 

In the ultimate sense there is no right and wrong and these things are just abstract concepts but that doesn’t mean I’m currently living my life as though that was true

[JessiChell]

@Joshi3 but an actualized former alcoholic would be able to have one drink and then quit, no? 

I'm just struggling to understand. 

[IJB063]

@JessiChell

That’s not how addiction or the mind works, we are primitive apes, actualisation about overcoming and hijacking all our broken instincts so that they work for us, addiction is one of them a broken instinct

[JessiChell]

@IJB063 you dont believe it's about self acceptance? Like acceptance of reality of percieved failures? 

Will you explain it to me, if not? 

I need to understand if its something I want to personally work on. 

[JessiChell]

@IJB063 You're confusing me because I thought a completely self actualized person wouldnt be dependent on any stimulant(distraction) whatsoever. 

Edited June 21, 2020 by JessiChell

[IJB063]

@JessiChell

11 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

@IJB063 you dont believe it's about self acceptance? Like acceptance of reality of percieved failures? 

Will you explain it to me, if not? 

I need to understand if its something I want to personally work on. 

Someone shouldn’t accept something bad that’s happening to them

If you’re being abused in your life by someone or in some way your abusing yourself that’s not something I say that you should accept

You accept the things you can’t change in life because there is nothing else to do and you change the things you can because you can to improve and better your life, you don’t just accept unhealthy behaviour and a shit life when you can change it, where if you can’t change it there is never else you can do but accept it

7 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

@IJB063 You're confusing me because I thought a completely self actualized person wouldnt be dependent on any stimulant(distraction) whatsoever. 

Yes, a completely actualised person wouldn’t be dependent on anything hypothetical, that doesn’t mean if you were previously an alcoholic you gonna to be able to go back to socially drinking

An alcoholic has fucked his mind

He is in able of social drinking like a normal person because his hind brain and impulses are completely wired against him

That is something he struggles with and cannot absolutely change, so he must accept it, and not just accept alcoholism 

Edited June 21, 2020 by IJB063

[JessiChell]

@IJB063 but we arent talking about abuse. We are talking about using shame during sex. 

Is this abuse? 

2 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

 

An alcoholic has fucked his mind

He is in able of social drinking like a normal person because his hind brain and impulses are completely wired against him

That is something he struggles with and cannot absolutely change, so he must accept it, and not just accept alcoholism 

But an actualized person is basically a god. They can do whatever they want, I thought. 

They are literally present. If your mind was fucked (physically) by a drug then they have probably lost their ability to actualize , right? 

 

[IJB063]

@JessiChell

6 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

@IJB063 but we arent talking about abuse. We are talking about using shame during sex. 

Is this abuse? 

But an actualized person is basically a god. They can do whatever they want, I thought. 

They are literally present. If your mind was fucked (physically) by a drug then they have probably lost their ability to actualize , right? 

 

You have an idealised version of what an actualised person is

Maybe your talking about some Buddha esque religious enlightened figure

But the Buddha is only human, and I’m pretty sure despite all the meditation if he was previously a boozer and you took him to a bar he would have a strong desire to drink appear inside of him

I guess in a sense you’ve lost your ability to self actualise to the perfect superhuman übermensch being

But you do what you can do with the life you’ve been given and the circumstances you’ve been given now, many people minds are fucked for many different reasons and life circumstances, that’s life, you play the cards your dealt 

I wouldn’t say that therefore you can’t actualise, you just can’t reach the upper limits of what the true actualised being would be

 

Edited June 21, 2020 by IJB063

[JessiChell]

@IJB063 I do believe you and I have different definitions of actualization. So let's agree to disagree with this one. 

Again, do you believe using shame in sex is abuse? (I didn't understand your point earlier about abuse)

[IJB063]

@JessiChell

Yeah we probably have different definitions, I doubt there is a strict definition to something as broad as self actualisation 

I believe that sexualising shame is similar to an alcoholic romanticising drinking alcoholic 

What it does is creates a justification to continue to do something that hurts you, as you said

1 hour ago, JessiChell said:

see porn as another distraction you can drown in

The same as sex and the same as perverted sex, if your eroticising shame you solidifying your own insecurities and self loathing and making yourself more dependent upon the drug of sex

[JessiChell]

@IJB063 But feeling shame during sex doesnt hurt you. It feels good to feel shame. Just like joy or laughter. They're all emotions. This is where I'm confused. 

But it's okay. I'm too tired to keep going back and forth. I think this may also be a difference of something I'm not putting my finger on. Or I may not be grasping something. 

I irresponsibly assume most people here have seen lots of Leo's videos. So my definition of actualization comes from his definition. 

Thanks for chatting 

Edited June 21, 2020 by JessiChell

[IJB063]

@JessiChell

Sure, I can’t remember Leo’s defo of self actualisation 

1 minute ago, JessiChell said:

But feeling shame during sex doesnt hurt you. It feels good to feel shame. Just like joy or laughter. They're all emotions. This is where I'm confused. 

I think by definition it can’t be good to feel shame, maybe to realise that it doesn’t matter but I don’t think it can feel good

Yeah we’re probably talking past one another

Anyways have a good one

[JessiChell]

@IJB063 Believe me, it feels good. ?

That's like saying you dont like to get spanked in bed because its painful. 

Goodnight 

[IJB063]

@JessiChell

5 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

Goodnight 

Lol goodnight

Dont know what time it is in America but I’ve just woken up

6 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

Believe me, it feels good. ?

Gonna have to take your word 

Side note - watching this Leo video on overcoming addiction and I’m pretty sure he says a good defo of self actualisation is having no addiction or something along those lines

 

[JessiChell]

@IJB063 I can check it out tomorrow. 

But yeah, you will have no addictions when you're actualized because you do not need distractions or stimulants to be perfectly happy. This is what I said earlier. If you want to watch porn, have a drink, go on social media occasionally, you can do so without becoming addicted. 

I'm not saying I'm for addiction. I'm saying an actualized person is above addiction. 

[Nahm]

 

Quote

Fo me the downfall is that the feeling can take me to dark places i dont really want to go to.

Check your direct experience. See if you can notice it is the thought which has the content of the “dark place”, and feeling can not ‘go there’, because the thought is about you, and it is not true. Were you not good, you would not experience the ‘not trueness’ feeling, in response of the thought. It’d feel just fine. But the thought about you does not feel good - precisely because you are goodness. You can check the actuality of this anytime you want. Actually, you can’t not experience relativity.

Quote

it doesnt even have to have a sexual thing to it, it just seems to be abstract like touching myself and thinking about pumpkin soup.

There’s no “problem” with porn, sex, masturbation, ejaculation, etc. The “problem”, in terms of what doesn’t feel good, is believing the not good feeling thoughts about yourself, are true. Listen to feeling - those thoughts just aren’t true. To judge yourself, is to pretend there are two of you. 

[Hardik]

On 20/06/2020 at 4:46 AM, JessiChell said:

ust know there is something off about what I've read from their definitions of "love."

On 19/06/2020 at 5:27 AM, JessiChell said:

I think our definition of love is different

Love is the key To EVERYTHING. Loves allows you to connect.  in contact with people be Honest, Nice, Relax And Loving. Be the Definition Of Love for Other's ❤️

[JessiChell]

@Hardik Still not giving you my Instagram to "connect and grow." ?

 

@Nahm Always the best answer. So we can use shame in sex as long as we dont believe those negative thoughts in life, do I that right? 

 

[Nahm]

@JessiChell

Imo, shame is a thought which does not feel good, because it is conceptually predicated on twoness, rather than oneness, or goodness. Sex is pretty wide open of interpretation though. There’s always a kink scenario which can make damn near anything good, however, it can flirt with disaster as shaming is often the primary motive of abuse. People who feel a lack of control, or disempowerment, play that out upon others in an effort to feel empowered and in control. I don’t think that’s the neck of the woods you’re in though. But Idk. 

[JessiChell]

@Nahm hmm, okay.