fear of ejaculation

[Rolo]

i find that when i have a orgasm it takes me into a intense mind trip satori like experience. i try to surrender to it but there is always a adgitation during the orgasm that i cannot shake off.

 

i feel i have screwed up my explosive orgasm because of the fear i feel when i have one, and the resistance and disgust that comes along with it is painful, its like a deep shame for what i have done.

 

i have had some sexual experiences (with others and by myself i.e porn) that i am still trying to intergrate but i just feel i never have a fulfilling orgasm and i am left feeling wasted and empty. sometimes i have good ones and whatnot but rarely and the compulsive masturbation makes me waste the energy. 

 

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by Rolo
some mistakes

[hamedsf]

either you're coming from a religious family or from no fap community.

you might belong to the no fap community and deprecate ejaculation and see it as if you're losing some vital energy during that natural process. 

you might have limiting belief about sex and your mind don't want to express itself sexually!

find your limiting beliefs and let them go incrementally. 

[Rolo]

14 hours ago, hamedsf said:

you might belong to the no fap community and deprecate ejaculation and see it as if you're losing some vital energy during that natural process. 

natrual process has been hijacked from porn addiction which i feel alot of shame about :(.

 

But what you said about allowing the mind to express itself sexually i think thats my golden ticket.

thanks

[JessiChell]

@Rolo doesnt shame turn you on? 

It feels great to feel disgusted with yourself.

Surrender to that. Love that disgust and shameful feeling you have. It's a part of you. 

[Onemanwolfpac]

1 hour ago, JessiChell said:

@Rolo doesnt shame turn you on? 

It feels great to feel disgusted with yourself.

Surrender to that. Love that disgust and shameful feeling you have. It's a part of you. 

Lol

I suppose its a alternate to aversion. 

[JessiChell]

@Onemanwolfpac None of us understand unconditional love. 

[Nak Khid]

3 hours ago, JessiChell said:

@Onemanwolfpac None of us understand unconditional love. 

That is nonsense
unconditional love is so simple and direct children can understand it

People that tell you you can't understand it are liars 
trying to take something away and sell it back to you,

Love is not everything and to love everything,  torturing people, eating a plate of shit, etc 
that is not love. It is just a mindfuck , a philosophical position with the word "love" taped to it 

This is unconditional love, it's something that happens all the time >>

 

[JessiChell]

@Nak Khid That is conditional love.

If that white man had raped children, tortured loved ones or killed them and the protesters were aware, there's a high probability they would not have helped the man. 

They knew nothing about him. Their humanity and self righteousness helped him. 

[Nak Khid]

On 6/15/2020 at 6:12 AM, Rolo said:

i find that when i have a orgasm it takes me into a intense mind trip satori like experience. i try to surrender to it but there is always a adgitation during the orgasm that i cannot shake off.

 

i feel i have screwed up my explosive orgasm because of the fear i feel when i have one, and the resistance and disgust that comes along with it is painful, its like a deep shame for what i have done.

 

i have had some sexual experiences (with others and by myself i.e porn) that i am still trying to intergrate but i just feel i never have a fulfilling orgasm and i am left feeling wasted and empty. sometimes i have good ones and whatnot but rarely and the compulsive masturbation makes me waste the energy. 

 

 

This thing you are calling a intense mind trip satori like experience is heroin.

When you have an orgasm heroin-like chemicals are released in the brain

Addiction to masturbation is actually addiction to natural brain heroin, to get a head rush to distract you from facing reality. 

Try the following these rules for two weeks

 

1) don't touch your penis unless it is fully hard already and then only if you want to.  "Morning wood" is not included

2) don't watch porn in order to make your penis hard

3) don't intentionally sexually fantasize because you want to masturbate so you can have an orgasm and feel that natural heroin
that distracts you from facing reality

 

So I am not saying don't masturbate or don't watch porn or don't let sexual fantasies or real sex occur but go by these rules 
and stop clinging to them. 

So you are not quitting sexuality.  I'm saying understand what is going on. The brain produces a chemical during orgasm.  
If you become addicted to it it is not really about sex it's about being a natural heroin addict

There is a type of mediation that instead of wasting your semen you sit in mediation you focus mentally on you groin and taking that energy 
and imagining it going slowly up the spine to the brain. 
This is a type of kundalini mediation, redirecting the energy inward instead of spilling it on the floor  
This is only one type of meditation. Another type is mindful noting which is more important.  You sit still for 20-45 minutes each day with a timer. 
If a thought or feeling comes into your head you label it mentally it doesn't matter how,

"thought, thought Thought" 
"fear, fear fear" 
"breast, breast breast" 
" itch, itch, itch"
"chocolate, Chocolate, chocolate" 
"sex, sex sex"
"anger, anger, anger" 
"wind sound" "wind sound" "wind sound"
"peace, peace , peace" 
"boredom, boredom, boredom"

 

This is a self observational type of meditation.    You are sitting and just noting each thought or feeling that comes and goes and not dwelling on any of them. You can dwell on them later but not during the meditation.  The thought can keep coming up, just note it each time and let it rise and fall.

The thoughts don't come back to back, there are some gaps, gaps of thinking nothing.  That is the base. You can't shut your mind off but you can become less and less reactive to fears and urges. This leads to liberation

 

 

[Nak Khid]

5 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

@Nak Khid That is conditional love.

If that white man had raped children, tortured loved ones or killed them and the protesters were aware, there's a high probability they would not have helped the man. 

They knew nothing about him. Their humanity and self righteousness helped him. 

 Helping your fellow human being is not self righteousness, it is a fantastic thing. It revolutionizes your soul 
Love is a feeling.  It can be beneficial sometimes or you could love something destructive.
It's a feeling like sadness, joy, happiness, boredom, all feelings which come and go.

But if you want to talk about conditions and  and positions, now  you are not talking about love.
You are talking about an intellectual philosophical position. 

Love in it's highest form is caring 

If you want to turn it into "unconditional love" which "none of us  understand" 
now you are talking about a useless abstract, extreme form of mental masturbation
an intellectual construct 

 "None of us understand unconditional love." you say
You are boxed in and tied down by your own statement 

Love is not something to understand it is something to do and feel not to
divide into categories and philosophical hierarchies

People who talk about love all the time
often they do so because they are in search of it 
 

 

 

 

 

[JessiChell]

@Nak Khid So you say, "love in its highest form is caring." 

Unconditional love would be, "caring no matter what." Right?

Only you can love yourself unconditionally and most don't know how. Isn't that what inner work is about? Learning to love yourself no matter what?

If we all knew how, and did it naturally, why are we here? On this forum? 

[Nak Khid]

2 hours ago, JessiChell said:

@Nak Khid So you say, "love in its highest form is caring." 

Unconditional love would be, "caring no matter what." Right?

Only you can love yourself unconditionally and most don't know how. Isn't that what inner work is about? Learning to love yourself no matter what?

If we all knew how, and did it naturally, why are we here? On this forum? 

that is not love it's a loyalty vow.  

caring

see the "ing" ?     That is a clue love is going on,  it's doing

"no matter what" is a pledge not an action.   Love is an active feeling 

Love is not accepting everything, that is a devil trick.
Theories about conditions and unconditions that is not the practice of love
That is intellectualizing what is a feeling and trying to impose hierarchies 

Self love occurs when you do what you say you are going to do.   
Not when you sit there in a state of narcissism 
Self love develops when you love other beings, it come back to you in a circle
If your work is only inner it remains selfish.
helping somebody with good will for 5 minutes is a greater love
than sitting for 2 hours trying to evoke a fantasized love state. 
test it for one week and get back to me.
The more "love" is analyzed the more it is suppressed.
We also need awareness and to see things as they are
clarity     

[JessiChell]

@Nak Khid I've done that my whole life though. I've poured love into helping others. It hasn't come back full circle. 

The more peace I feel and in love with myself I've ever felt is when I turn inward. 

But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying, 

[Onemanwolfpac]

8 hours ago, JessiChell said:

@Onemanwolfpac None of us understand unconditional love. 

I don't believe in that. @JessiChell

Edited June 18, 2020 by Onemanwolfpac

[Onemanwolfpac]

42 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

@Nak Khid I've done that my whole life though. I've poured love into helping others. It hasn't come back full circle. 

The more peace I feel and in love with myself I've ever felt is when I turn inward. 

But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying, 

43 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

@Nak Khid

 

Maybe it's because there's a expectation that it comes back around. 

 

3 hours ago, JessiChell said:

@Nak Khid So you say, "love in its highest form is caring." 

Unconditional love would be, "caring no matter what." Right?

Only you can love yourself unconditionally and most don't know how. Isn't that what inner work is about? Learning to love yourself no matter what?

If we all knew how, and did it naturally, why are we here? On this forum? 

I love myself more than I ever have loved others. I don't believe in unconditional love, marriage or forever for that matter. Its a delusion, ego, and a cute hallmark card. Its a narrative Hollywood sells.

People eat it up. The idea of no consequence, simp, and love conquers all. Its nonsense imho. 

There's prerequisites. Everything has a time limit. I enjoy the experience. I love myself enough to focus on mind, body, spirit. I feel aversion to the narrative sold in pur culture. 

A classic example is sandbergs advice to women about pursuing playboy and seek out your equal later. Ya, ok bud. The advice for men is piss poor too and nothing short of cuckoldry. 

There's boundaries, prereqs, expectations and a number of things that are incumbent on exclusivity. Again, i feel aversion to monogamy. If we were in the middle east, multiple wives would be normalised. 

There's no such experience of mine for unconditional love but Hollywood keeps selling it. People keep chasing it. 

[Nak Khid]

1 hour ago, JessiChell said:

@Nak Khid I've done that my whole life though. I've poured love into helping others. It hasn't come back full circle. 

The more peace I feel and in love with myself I've ever felt is when I turn inward. 

But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying, 

There are monks who go into isolation for long periods.  They don't describe it as a state of love 
Also if you sit alone and say "I love myself " over and over. It might work for a little while.  But it wears thin after a while, see failures of the self esteem movement 
There are also people that help people to the extent of wearing themselves out.
It's a balance that's need, not these romantic notions, extremes  of "unconditional" , "absolute" and "infinite" and "purity" 
I don't love some habits I have, some behaviors I I have.   I could sit back and try to love then away but it's not going to work

[JessiChell]

@Nak Khid

1 hour ago, Nak Khid said:

 Also if you sit alone and say "I love myself " over and over. It might work for a little while.  But it wears thin after a while, see failures of the self esteem movement 

That's not what inner work or loving yourself is. It's being present and ridding yourself of ego. 

Leo teaches absolute self-love. Which to me, means unconditional. 

Showing love or compassion to another I don't believe is the same. 

[JessiChell]

@Onemanwolfpac I think our definition of love is different. 

[Hardik]

19 hours ago, JessiChell said:

I think our definition of love is different

Then what the True Definition of Love?

[JessiChell]

@Hardik I don't know. 

I'm struggling to successfully share my thoughts through this conversation. I'm quite new here. 

I just know there is something off about what I've read from their definitions of "love."

I'll try to summon @Leo Gura

maybe he'll point me or us in the right direction if he has time.