Unawareness Was A Blessing

[Elton]

I admit to not being very aware maybe I'm a baby in this awareness field but things were so much better when I was totally unaware, I didn't know about the potential inside me I thought I would just do a mundane job earn some money start a family and be happy,  I didn't know how needy I was, how unsatisfied I was how unfulfilled I was i didn't know that I could systematically engineer my life, quit not only external bad habits but internal bad habits too,  I didn't know how much of a victim I was, having knowing all this leads to frustration more than the possibility of making these thing happen, and that even all this is not going to give me happiness, oh my fucking God! Such a big gap in the vision I'm so far behind.

I just wish I was unaware, and ignorant to all these things the people all around me thats what I was before they seem so happy.

If I would tomorrow, I will definitely die with a smile on my face not because I have accomplished all this but because I have escaped all this! 

[Elton]

Sorry guys these are not the things the forum focuses on, i could not help posting,I'm neurotic,starting my own business that ain't meeeee, consciousness work that ain't meee,being more positive that ain't meee, non of that stuff is me these are the things that I don't say but my emotions act like this the emotional mind is going bonkers. 

I'll try to focus on positive stuff though,I don't know what to do patience hope and faith and Actualized.org is all I have along with the life purpose course, but the more I do this work the more frustrated and disappointed I get. 

 

[HereNowThisMoment]

4 minutes ago, Elton said:

that even all this is not going to give me happiness

Who said that this was all about being happy? Enlightenment is about truth, whatever that may be. Happiness is something that people believe they must strive to have, but that is not necessarily so. It is another concept. What you may find is peace in accepting things as they are. 

9 minutes ago, Elton said:

I will definitely die with a smile on my face not because I have accomplished all this but because I have escaped all this! 

Death is illusory. The awareness that is you is eternal.

[Elton]

But aleast I quit weed and Facebook and sitcoms and TV I had quit cigarettes too but now I'm using awareness as an excuse to smoke but i really hope that awareness will cure me. 

[Elton]

7 minutes ago, HereNowThisMoment said:

 What you may find is peace in accepting things as they are.

Its hard to accept things as they are when you realise that you can be so much more, it becomes even more hard to notice that you can be so much more but you don't have clarity in what exactly you want to be. 

[Mal]

5 minutes ago, Elton said:

Sorry guys these are not the things the forum focuses on, i could not help posting,I'm neurotic,starting my own business that ain't meeeee, consciousness work that ain't meee,being more positive that ain't meee, non of that stuff is me these are the things that I don't say but my emotions act like this the emotional mind is going bonkers. 

I'll try to focus on positive stuff though,I don't know what to do patience hope and faith and Actualized.org is all I have along with the life purpose course, but the more I do this work the more frustrated and disappointed I get. 

 

I hate to be the one to say this, but you're not actually aware of any of it. 

All you have done is take Leo's words and made them into another belief. 

Awareness will happen when these patterns start to dissolve.  Until then all you're doing is shifting ideas around in the dream

[Elton]

@Mal  Looks like you are pretty aware..  Then why don't you give me some techniques to be more aware?  And also tell me how to judge weather others are really aware of their emotions or they are just taking Leo's words and shifting it around in a dream?  

[Elton]

@Elton@MalI cannot help being angry and frustrated am I'm aware of these emotions. I don't remember being happy,  happiness I cannot feel.i just cannot. 

[Mal]

@Elton

I'm just mentioning the distinction between curative awareness and ideation. 

If you contemplate this you won't get entangled in the dream and will begin to break your habits.

It's ok however to have an intellectual insight into this stuff.  That's a good start. But there is more to it, awareness is not merely being "Informed"

[Elton]

@Mal what is this curitive aware? I am doing consciousness work but this awareness is fucking my head more aware of emotions, mostly negative, more aware that I'm assigning meaning to my emotions, more awareness of no control over anything. But its not curing, seems like I like being miserable :-( I just cannot allow good feelings except for pleasure.

[Elton]

I'm going to sleep now into the ocean of unawareness thats the only place I find peace. Away from reality, away from the world, in my real fantasy land. 

[Mal]

@Elton

Start doing excersises to heal your mind. You know what dysfunction is, now it's time to ignore that and turn attention inward to get rid of this programming.

[Mal]

1 hour ago, Elton said:

Sorry guys these are not the things the forum focuses on, i could not help posting,I'm neurotic,starting my own business that ain't meeeee, consciousness work that ain't meee,being more positive that ain't meee, non of that stuff is me these are the things that I don't say but my emotions act like this the emotional mind is going bonkers. 

I'll try to focus on positive stuff though,I don't know what to do patience hope and faith and Actualized.org is all I have along with the life purpose course, but the more I do this work the more frustrated and disappointed I get. 

 

Also Elton, you can live a normal life. You can do what you want.  Just don't do it unconsciously.  Go through this process and come out the other end free.  Then you can live with choice.

[Mal]

2 minutes ago, Piotr said:

@Elton Awareness is before anything you think! So when you say 'I'm aware', that's not awareness! That's the ego saying 'Will you let me be here a bit more if I dress more like 'awareness''? 

 

Hehe..the "spiritual ego" 

[Salaam]

1 hour ago, Elton said:

I admit to not being very aware maybe I'm a baby in this awareness field but things were so much better when I was totally unaware, I didn't know about the potential inside me I thought I would just do a mundane job earn some money start a family and be happy,  I didn't know how needy I was, how unsatisfied I was how unfulfilled I was i didn't know that I could systematically engineer my life, quit not only external bad habits but internal bad habits too,  I didn't know how much of a victim I was, having knowing all this leads to frustration more than the possibility of making these thing happen, and that even all this is not going to give me happiness, oh my fucking God! Such a big gap in the vision I'm so far behind.

I just wish I was unaware, and ignorant to all these things the people all around me thats what I was before they seem so happy.

If I would tomorrow, I will definitely die with a smile on my face not because I have accomplished all this but because I have escaped all this! 

Are you really in angst because you're conscious of these things, or because you're conscious of how much still needs to be done, to get these things you are responsible for up to your standards and expectations? And because you're conscious of how much more capable you will have to become, in order to develop them?

If yes to the last two questions, then welcome to beginner stress. We feel that stress every time we start something new that seems daunting. It shifts and changes though, the more you grow and become more capable.

Personally, I enjoy and love being responsible for engineering my life, my internal and external environments. For improving my dependencies and gaining self-authority. For bringing abundance and color to my life, gaining satisfaction and fulfillment.

My frustrations in those respects have been tempered by time and experience and transformed into enjoyment, trust in self, empowerment through capability, and a deep pleasure in all the possibility and uncertainty that lies beyond human understanding, but not so far beyond my eventual reach.

Don't run away or give up on your self-responsibilities. Care for them, nurture them and they will nurture and enhance you.

 

[Wouter]

2 hours ago, HereNowThisMoment said:

Enlightenment is about truth, whatever that may be. Happiness is something that people believe they must strive to have, but that is not necessarily so.

When you make a statement like this, what do you actually mean with the word "hapiness". Can you define it please? In my opinion the word hapiness is used for "the state we (whatever that may be) want to be in". So from this defenition it is obvious and normal that we do everything what we think will bring us hapiness, in other words hapiness is our ultimate goal when we use the defenition of hapiness I gave. Wheter our strategies to achieve hapiness are appropreate or not, that's something different.. So when we say "truth is the most important", I think we rather say "wheter we realise it or not, "getting to truth" is fundamental for real deep hapiness" than "truth is more imortant than hapiness".

Edited July 19, 2016 by Wouter

[Mal]

@Wouter

For an ego happiness is always an elusive thing, because of resistance I guess, and this preoccupation with the future.

But imagine life with no ego or hardly any ego manifesting. What's left would probably be peace because of the liberation from beliefs and conditioning. 

Just spontaneity.  Now, I don't think it will be a constant "state" of happiness, there will be emotions, and when sad things happen sadness will arise but there will not be any added meaning or story superimposed onto the sadness.  It's just that there won't be an ego to cling to all this, or take it personally. So an underlying sense of peace and non resistance could translate into a general "disposition" called "happiness".  Happiness not as a thing but as a way of life. 

The end of suffering.  The end of suffering doesn't mean no emotion, it just means we don't suffer because of the resistance to emotion and life's circumstances.

This ultimate way of being is "truth" the truth of who we really are.

Edited July 19, 2016 by Mal

[Wouter]

@Mal Did you realise/experience everything you said or do you just have it as a belief?

I don't understand your defenition of hapiness which I think is "A general disposition caused by a deep sense of peace" because I am not a native englisch speaker and I don't dind an appropreate translation.

 

Edited July 19, 2016 by Wouter

[Azrael]

2 hours ago, Elton said:

I didn't know how needy I was, how unsatisfied I was how unfulfilled I was i didn't know that I could systematically engineer my life, quit not only external bad habits but internal bad habits too,  I didn't know how much of a victim I was, having knowing all this leads to frustration more than the possibility of making these thing happen, and that even all this is not going to give me happiness, oh my fucking God!

If you have identified all of this, you are doing pretty good with your awareness work. Now, leave this enlightenment stuff to the side, and see that there is an innocent child in you, that cries out for love and appreciation your whole fucking existence and you had nothing else to do then to use every acquired spiritual judo-trick to trying to get rid of this child in you.

You do this: Say to whatever you feel that you are extremely sorry for what happened to it in the past, you are sorry for what will happen to it in the future, you acknowledge its power and whenever it wants to say something to you or express itself it shall just ask and you'll let it manifest in yourself with the deepest appreciation.

Because to align your over-stimulated mind with this emotional child in you, is what you were trying all of the time. But you tried to cut off your heart that is pumping your blood. See that this doesn't work, and begin to let it express itself and love it.

Then you'll find peace, bro.

[Mal]

10 minutes ago, Wouter said:

@Mal Did you realise/experience everything you said or do you just have it as a belief?

I don't understand your defenition of hapiness which I think is "A general disposition caused by a deep sense of peace" because I am not a native englisch speaker and I don't dind an appropreate translation.

 

It is a speculation based on moments of no self manifesting that I've had.  I'm not enlightened, but I think my description is accurate based on what self-proclaimed self-realizers have told me.

A general disposition caused by a deep sense of peace means that when awakened there would be nothing to hold onto in the same way we as a human identity holds onto things.  Human identities hold onto grudges, pain, thoughts spinning around in our heads, values, grievances, definitions... when all that has gone, what is left but peace?  And I imagine that if one is experiencing that amount of peace then happiness is surely a way of life rather than a destination or a state dependent on the pain/ pleasure principle.

Edited July 19, 2016 by Mal