Existential doubts about Consciousness and Enlightenment

[Superfluo]

Hi. 

I'm a seeker, and intuitive, and for all my life I've been having a hard time fitting in the world. I've always been a lonely wolf (INFJ, stage yellow), with few friends at any given time. There are some moments when I doubt if the path of enlightenment, the path of purification, the path of inner work is the right one for me. When I'm talking with average people or friends, or watching videos on youtube about people's mundane lives (for example travelling videos, or vlogs, etc.), or doing other stuff like that, I often find myself thinking if maybe people are right. Maybe all this self-actualization journey is not what brings happiness, it's only making me detatched from the world. Sometimes I hear people talking about their mundane life, people telling other people what their day was like, or telling about the cute dog they encountered on their way home, or the joke their coworker told them that made them laugh so hard. People talking about little things that made them happy, the joy of simple things.

I'm often fascinated by people's ability to be happy for all these mundane stuff. I often feel excluded from that little gold nugget of joy, like "Wow, how do they do that?". I see myself as someone too much in his head.

I know that they don't have the rich inner world and peace and understanding of the world an actualized person might have, but still there's a little, little part of me that whispers me in a loving way "Maybe you should let go of the idea of enlightenment and self-actualization, they're only taking you away from people, from life, from joy. Don't you see that people appreciate life and enjoy it even without personal development? Why shoud you go that far? Why strive so much?". Sometimes I feel like I'm living my life in the wrong way.

I know that pursuing enlightenment will give me the capacity to realize the present moment at a enormous depth compared to the degree of appreciation of average people (plus other benefits). But what if they're right? Enlightenment, raising your consciousness is a path for one, and even if there were more people on that path, it would still be a lonely one, because it's inside you.

I'm planning to continue raising my consciousness because I intuitively know it's the only thing that will result in true happiness, but still I leave the door open to being wrong. 

I'd like to hear some advice, perspectives on that, how you approach these moments of innocent doubts.

[Gili Trawangan]

I could tackle what you wrote from many different angles, there would be much to say. I'll try one or two.

This:

5 hours ago, Superfluo said:

I'm often fascinated by people's ability to be happy for all these mundane stuff. I often feel excluded from that little gold nugget of joy, like "Wow, how do they do that?".

And this:

5 hours ago, Superfluo said:

I know that pursuing enlightenment will give me the capacity to realize the present moment at a enormous depth compared to the degree of appreciation of average people

are the same thing. "Enormous depth" is a projection of yours. Everyone has had nondual experiences, they just don't have the conceptual framework to explain them under that view. When someone sees immense beauty in a sunset, there is a sort of "merging" of subject and object. Ignorance is temporarily unveiled, and this unveiling goes unnoticed. Of course, there is no real merging, there was never a subject and an object to begin with, it was just apparent.

So, thinking that there is a difference between others' experiences and yours is just thought. There's no difference between the path of self-actualization and dropping it altogether. Yeah, why not, just drop it. Drop the idea of enlightenment in the future as well, cause that's the only way to actually see what is being suggested by the very notion of enlightenment. It's always the present moment, there is nothing else.

All is well, whatever path you take. It's all love. Eckhart Tolle would be a good teacher for you to listen to, btw.

[Superfluo]

Thank you for your perspective, I appreciate.

When I was talking about people enjoying little things I didn't mean non-dual experiences. I think average people don't have non-dual experiences when they talk about little things they enjoyed during the day.

Edited June 14, 2020 by Superfluo