I was Red this whole time?? (Yes.)

[Aquarius]

I fully integrated Red, a stage that I used to be at. Yes, I had the whole spectrum of the rainbow in me, but only because we all have. My outer behavior was back then at Red. I claimed to be Coral or Turquoise a few times, but only because I had massive awakenings from tripping. Tripping but not on drugs, tripping naturally in a trance-like state. Call it a super power, but I can do that. No big deal! But no, I wasn't Turquoise. My awakening had a Turquoise flavour to it though. Could've been Purple, because I invoked gods sometimes hmmmm.. ?

So I integrated Red. How do I know? Before, I used to yell at parents, slam doors, hit walls, smash objects, cry and scream for hours, etc. I was full of uncontrollable rage. I got medicated, and I worked on myself deeply and lovingly. I released energy blockages through various methods. And I advanced into stage Blue because of the people that surrounded me. I was still a cheeky little sly bastard, but I was all cute and innocent this time. They released me from the hospital. Then I started reading materials that were heavily blue, patriotic and nationalistic even! That's my phase where I criticised Leo on the forum a lot, just randomly on my posts lol. I still think critically of him.

So this Blue, after Red got integrated and I elevated from it, is different than the Blue when I was a teen. That blue was unhealthy and based on guilt. I entered "Blue" because of a guilt-trap, not because I was Blue. I was Red still, just held back by guilt trips. And the love I had for people was just repressed anger and emotions.

I repressed everything I was feeling to be loving and ultra spiritual. That's what I called "Green". But I was still RED! Not Green! My repressed feelings were showing as mental illness, mania, insomnia, anger outbursts, crying without tears, laughing when mad or sad, feeling numb, etc.

Actually, when I integrated Red recently, it happened because I allowed myself to feel again. I just had to feel everything I refused to feel in my teenage years. And there was a lot to feel. It literally took a few weeks of just me feeling emotions, not being able to do anything else.

I believe I am no longer mentally ill. Or at least I cured the root of my "illness." I am stage Blue now, taking my medication, working on myself each day, and believing I can move higher on the spiral with time.

Yes, with lots of time, thanks for keeping me real last time, @Evil Raccoon ?
 

[Consept]

Keeping going, don't even worry too much about the spiral, just be aware of it and make the most of wherever you are at your life. I can see great self awareness and that's really important, so good stuff 

Edited June 12, 2020 by Consept

[Aquarius]

@Consept yeah don't worry, I couldn't care less about the spiral. I'm just happy that I realised where I am in life and used the model to explain it.