Petrified by attractive girl that is flirting with me

[StarStruck]

What you really want is emotional bonding. The image you can use is, that you are a cake. You don't know if she will like it. So instead of force feeding her by being pushy and needy, asking a lot of questions, trying to make her like you, it is a good use to tease. Just give small bites of your personality and vibe and look how she responds. If she likes the cake, she will want more, if not.. too bad for her.

[Loving Radiance]

@StarStruck What are your thoughts on the power of statements vs. the power of questions in dating?

[Socrates]

@Leo Gura This is especially hard for newbies because it is 10 times harder for them to do it solo.

It ends up in a catch 22 since you are not social to begin with, so you got to do it solo but that is really fucking hard for intermediates let alone newbies so you don't do it at all and stay antisocial.

Wouldnt be easier for a shy young person to maybe try first building a social circle and then start roaming the streets alone? Since newbies tend to fall into negative spirals when they are alone and got none to pump them positive emotions.

[StarStruck]

2 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

@StarStruck What are your thoughts on the power of statements vs. the power of questions in dating?

Too much questions are not good. It is about exchange of emotions as much as exchange of info.

Guys who are really good with girls just ditch exchange of info and just provide good vibes from a state of being.

That is why there are certain types who are not very smart but they still can attract hot girls. They just provide good feelings instead of providing knowledge/facts.

People and especially girls read the subtext of what you say. If you just ask questions because you don't know what to do or say next, that is not good. They are more in touch with their body and feelings and if you come off creepy by trying to value suck off of her she will lose attraction very fast. Same if you are not confident.

[Max_V]

@egoeimai @Onemanwolfpac @IJB063 @Keyhole @Girzo @Leo Gura@Loving Radiance@StarStruck @Socrates @StarStruck @mandyjw @Hugo Oliveira@bazera @EnlightenmentBlog

Thank you, everyone.

Even admitting that this part of my life is important to me and that it needs practice and care, has been really difficult. For years of my life I have supressed my desires for relationships and connections almost entirely because of how overwhelming dealing with people is for me. I've been caught in this loop of wanting to open up and connect, then confirming with cognitive bias how much I suck at it and how painful the self-critisizing is while I try, then dismissing my feelings and putting my head in the sand for months until I can't handle the pain no more, and the cycle starts all over. This has led me depression, despair, and sometimes wanting to end my life.

I hope with the combination of psychotherapy I'm already doing weekly, my own contemplations, and incremental social practice, I can improve and open this area of my life up. I want to be whole again.

I might open up some threads here and there to share experiences, and ask questions, because doing this all by myself has been really difficult, I hope that's ok.

All the best, much love 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Max_V

[Leo Gura]

On 6/13/2020 at 7:27 AM, Socrates said:

you got to do it solo but that is really fucking hard for intermediates let alone newbies so you don't do it at all and stay antisocial.

I didn't ask you to go pick up hotties. I asked you to simply start some conversations with random people at the mall.

Just go do it.

[Onemanwolfpac]

18 hours ago, Max_V said:

@egoeimai @Onemanwolfpac @IJB063 @Keyhole @Girzo @Leo Gura@Loving Radiance@StarStruck @Socrates @StarStruck @mandyjw @Hugo Oliveira@bazera @EnlightenmentBlog

Thank you, everyone.

Even admitting that this part of my life is important to me and that it needs practice and care, has been really difficult. For years of my life I have supressed my desires for relationships and connections almost entirely because of how overwhelming dealing with people is for me. I've been caught in this loop of wanting to open up and connect, then confirming with cognitive bias how much I suck at it and how painful the self-critisizing is while I try, then dismissing my feelings and putting my head in the sand for months until I can't handle the pain no more, and the cycle starts all over. This has led me depression, despair, and sometimes wanting to end my life.

I hope with the combination of psychotherapy I'm already doing weekly, my own contemplations, and incremental social practice, I can improve and open this area of my life up. I want to be whole again.

I might open up some threads here and there to share experiences, and ask questions, because doing this all by myself has been really difficult, I hope that's ok.

All the best, much love 

I enjoy solitude yet i am extroverted. I have spent ages on self development and becoming a better person. My situation in life has improved. I have no problem making friends or dating. I enjoy solitude, meditation, nature, reading, and sleeping. I also enjoy partying, dating, sex, and a number of group activities. 

There's nothing wrong with you. You can be a introvert. You can become more social though, your baseline will likely be introverted. 

Good luck. Enjoy your journey.