should I be friends w people who are ruining their life?

[iceprincess]

i know the answer to this question might seem obvious but i'm just super conflicted. on the one hand these people need love and acceptance and turning away from them might just exacerbate their current situations. but at the same time trying to take care of these people can be really time consuming and draining. let's say for example i have a friend who does a lot of cocaine and drinks too much because of their depression. obviously if i do not give them as much time and attention as i used to they could do something really dangerous to them selves if they dont have the social support but also at the same time i do not have the time or resources to help them the way they want to be helped. maybe to check up on them but not to be with them every step of the way. our values and priorities and goals do not line up and i feel like people who are real serious about self actualization wouldn't be friends with those types of people ayway but at the same time i would feel really guilty about trying to prioritize my own time. thoughts on how i should go about this?

[Extreme Z7]

I think you should at least try to help but set a threshold for yourself for how much negativity you can tolerate. Sometimes spending the energy might be worth it for them and your relationship, sometimes they could just be too lost to help.

I guess you should always just trust your intuition and judgement with this one.

[Espaim]

"Should I..."

Let's reframe it to

"Do I want to..."

Now, what's the answer?

[Thittato]

If they are going to self-destruct anyways, why help them delay that process? No matter what you do for them, the only thing that will permanently help them is if they find that motivation to change inside if themselves and sometimes people need to hit rock-bottom before they can turn around. I’ve tried to help a lot of people, but it has basically just been a waste of time and a reflection of some unhealthy forces within myself, ie. co-dependence. Today I’m really glad I’m rid of all those people. Hanging out with them really slowed down my own growth and sense of self-worth, and it was also bringing a lot of other shady people into my life. The time you spend on them you could spend networking with much more resourceful people which will bring in lots of other positive resources into your life and help you with your purpose, and that way you can be of a better service to humanity by realizing your full potential. So it is not a matter of not helping - it is about finding a more skillful way to be of service. Now I wouldn’t cut those people out sharply, I would just gradually start to invest less and less energy into those relationships. Be there for them if they sincerly ask for your help and wants to change direction, but don’t go out of your way to look after them. Anyways, my 2 cents

[iceprincess]

@Thittato thanks for the good advice! and yeah i won't drop them completely but as life goes on i'll just gradually distance myself and start focusing on things that are good for me. no need to keep things in my life that don't serve my purpose 

[enhance]

what i do is try helping until i cant take it anymore

helping ppl is rewarding but if its too much you cant carry on with it

leo has a video on cutting toxic ppl out of your life its good to watch

Edited June 11, 2020 by enhance

[Thittato]

@iceprincess Thank you for asking the question! I'm in the same process myself, just a bit further down the road of distancing myself from those self-destructive people, and I just reflected on how much more resourceful people I'm attracting into my life. Totally worth it! The loneliness in the "in-between phase" can seem a bit frightening, but soon enough more healthy people will start to fill up the "empty seats" <3 <3 <3

[Michael569]

Only as long as they are not stealing your energy and enthusiasm. If they ar genuinely interested to grow and they are helping you to grow then yes. 

If this is a type of toxic one-sided relationship where take just take, take take and its all about them then in that case it is time to cut some strings.