Why Does Meditation Make Me Angry?

[IJB063]

I've been trying to meditate daily for 30 minutes. I have actually meditated every day for 30 minutes, for about the past two weeks. Yesterday I meditated for 3 hours in one sitting. But each time I meditate, instead of becoming more relaxed or present, I usually end up getting mad. I don't see myself as an angry person, but when I sit in silence, that's when the circus starts to play in my head, and it ends with me just quitting before I get so frustrated that I end up punching a hole through a wall. My assumption is the only way to deal with this is more meditation, though I'm finding it more and more difficult to continue doing daily.

Any advice as to why this is would be appreciated

Thanks 

[Nak Khid]

3 hours is a lot harder than 30 minutes, that is a big jump.
What is the nature of the anger? What type of thoughts? Angry about what?
 

Edited June 9, 2020 by Nak Khid

[inFlow]

Don't over do in the beginning or you will crash hard. Stop as soon as you are irritated, maybe push a little bit and then stop. You are deleting your ego bit by bit, this is why this work needs to be done step by step or you will get such an ego backlash that you will degrade to something bad. After a while you will settle down, but take it easy.

[Flowerfaeiry]

Because the anger is being released from you.

Also, meditation can be quite taxing so take it easy. 

[IJB063]

@Nak Khid

5 minutes ago, Nak Khid said:

3 hours is a lot harder than 30 minutes, that is a big jump.
What is the nature of the anger? What type of thoughts? 
 

I've been on and off meditating for the past year. I've tried several times to make the habit stick but I haven't yet.

My goal is to meditate daily, at the very least meditate for 30 minutes, but I allow myself wiggle room if I want too keep pushing it to see how far I can go. Yesterday I ended up going for three hours.

I don't know what you mean by the nature of the anger. It's just anger.

The thoughts vary, its not one specific thing that angers me, generally its just the replaying of memories, what I should of done, what I should be doing now and then when I get lost thinking about more abstract things that too end up pissing my of to the point that I struggle to continue sitting and focusing on my breath.

[Consept]

1. I'd say your expecting something from the meditation and it seems like you're almost forcing yourself to do it cos you think something will come of it. Letting go means also letting go of any outcomes or expectations, this is hard as it's counter intuitive, but just know on a deeper level nothing will come from this meditation and within that there's a certain freedom. 

2. There maybe anger within you and so if you are letting go even a little this anger is flowing out of you. It could be because of a resistance to an emotion you don't like. Either way just try and observe these emotions and let them pass. People think this easy work it is probably the most difficult thing you'll do 

[IJB063]

@inFlow

14 minutes ago, inFlow said:

Don't over do in the beginning or you will crash hard. Stop as soon as you are irritated, maybe push a little bit and then stop. You are deleting your ego bit by bit, this is why this work needs to be done step by step or you will get such an ego backlash that you will degrade to something bad. After a while you will settle down, but take it easy.

Okay, its funny I get irritated very quickly, if I'd quit as I get irritated I doubt I'd make it to ten minutes lol

But I'll be less harsh on myself, I'm thinking I'll meditate for 15 minutes as soon as I awake and 15 minutes before I sleep

@Flowerfaeiry

9 minutes ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

Because the anger is being released from you.

Also, meditation can be quite taxing so take it easy. 

I never really thought of myself as such an angry person, but that's obviously wrong

I will go a little easier, though I still want to make this habit stick

@Consept

5 minutes ago, Consept said:

1. I'd say your expecting something from the meditation and it seems like you're almost forcing yourself to do it cos you think something will come of it. Letting go means also letting go of any outcomes or expectations, this is hard as it's counter intuitive, but just know on a deeper level nothing will come from this meditation and within that there's a certain freedom. 

If I didn't force myself I wouldn't do it, and if I didn't think anything would come from it I wouldn't do it 

7 minutes ago, Consept said:

2. There maybe anger within you and so if you are letting go even a little this anger is flowing out of you. It could be because of a resistance to an emotion you don't like. Either way just try and observe these emotions and let them pass. People think this easy work it is probably the most difficult thing you'll do 

Okay, noted 

I'm definitely finding it difficult to do consistently 

[Espaim]

Do you consider yourself to be a chill person? Like, relaxed, calm, nothing really bothers you?

Are you living up to your values?

Are you doing what you think would benefit you in your daily life?

Edited June 9, 2020 by Espaim

[IJB063]

@Espaim

Generally, most of the time that's how I see myself, it takes a lot to set me off, during my day

That's clearly not true now though, considering for some reason I can't sit down for five minutes in silence, cross legged and just breathing without getting angry lol

 

[Consept]

19 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

If I didn't force myself I wouldn't do it, and if I didn't think anything would come from it I wouldn't do it 

Do you see the paradox in forcing yourself to let go? You cant get to inaction or peace from action. 

[nistake]

Maybe next time try to separate yourself from the anger. If you completely identify with it, it's no wonder you get carried away and "ruins" your session. Instead of reacting to it blindly, just say to yourself: "Now I feel anger. What is this anger? Where does it come from?". Don't try to get away from it, don't try to calm yourself. Observe it silently as long as necessary.

[Espaim]

23 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

Generally, most of the time that's how I see myself, it takes a lot to set me off, during my day

You find the anger that arose during meditation weird because you think of yourself as a chill person

If you thought of yourself as an angry person, being chill would weird you out

That's not a healthy way to handle your emotions; that's repression

From now on, I would suggest you consider yourself someone who gets angry, annoyed or disturbed at some situations. Don't cling to this either, just test this identity for some days.

Edited June 9, 2020 by Espaim

[Nak Khid]

1 hour ago, IJB063 said:

@Nak Khid

I've been on and off meditating for the past year. I've tried several times to make the habit stick but I haven't yet.

My goal is to meditate daily, at the very least meditate for 30 minutes, but I allow myself wiggle room if I want too keep pushing it to see how far I can go. Yesterday I ended up going for three hours.

I don't know what you mean by the nature of the anger. It's just anger.

The thoughts vary, its not one specific thing that angers me, generally its just the replaying of memories, what I should of done, what I should be doing now and then when I get lost thinking about more abstract things that too end up pissing my of to the point that I struggle to continue sitting and focusing on my breath.

 

You have anger, it is repressed. The meditation you have been doing has revealed it , hence the value in mediation

2) concentration meditation 

four things to do self hypnosis, concentration meditation, mindfulness meditation, walking meditation . 

1) self hypnosis
when you are getting ready to go to sleep or waking up your brain is in a different wave state, more open to suggestion. Don't underestimate the effectiveness. 
this is more effective as a question and then a command to your subconscious .   
Mark on a piece of lined paper or make dots indicating 40 places. 
this is going to be tedious but after 40 times it's over.   You write down this and say it out loud as you do it. 
"can I manage my anger?   Yes manage the anger now, I am stable"
Don't question this it's a simple concept not a philosophical issue.  You say it 40 times then go to sleep what you want to happen something like this that you want to happen,  as a question and then a command. Something doable and realistic not giant. 
After 3-4 days of this your subconscious will accept it and make it happen.
You have anger, it is repressed. The meditation you have been doing has revealed it , hence the value in mediation

2) concentration meditation 
 30 minutes.   With this you will select a statement you want to feel and say it over and over again. In this case
a command.  "relax be calm" or if you prefer a word with no meaning "Om" or just make one up. 
This approach is to focus on something, one thing to keep the anger out and replace it with something positive or neutral.  
This concentration blocks out the anger and leads to tranquility. You lose the concentration but then return to it, this one thing you have selected. It doesn't matter what it is  

3)  Mindfullness meditation with noting, any duration minimum 30 minutes.
This will be a different approach.   You will be aware of your breathing and of all thoughts and feelings, everything that is going on as you sit there. 
However when one of these thoughts and feelings come up you make up a label for it (noting) 
In your mind when something comes up you say in your mind "anger, anger anger" or "stiff back, stiff back, stiff back" 
or "old memory, old memory old memory"   "bicycle, bicycle, bicycle" "sex, sex , sex"   " Walter, Walter , Walter" 
It doesn't matter what it is if you have the thought or feeling you take not of it.
You take note of it and identify it as if to say " yes I see you there thought" 
What this does is makes the thoughts and feelings pass more easily. 
We are human we cannot shut off our mind.   But what we can do is not cling to these things we feel and think. 
And between the noting will be gaps of silence and those will be peaceful. 
this approach is not to suppress the feelings and thoughts we have or encourage them to pop into our minds. 
It is to realize the fact they are a part of us. So we  step outside of ourselves, observe this automatic thoughts and impulses and learn to let these things rise and fall without clinging to them.  You have the feeling you aren't the feeling 

4)  Walking meditation, pick a method 

https://liveanddare.com/walking-meditation/#2_Zen_Walking_Meditation_Kinhin

 

before the concentration meditation or mindfulness meditation, to a couple of sets of push ups to release pent up physical energy. Also realize anger is an energy that can be transformed into a motivation and be transformed by channeling it into something positive but in order to do that you have to establish a positive thing you will channel it into, that could be many things not necessarily meditation. 
Shinzen practices these mediation methods still he found need at one point to do some psychotherapy, this being to talk to somebody and understand root causes of the self issues 
__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Edited June 9, 2020 by Nak Khid

[Nahm]

@IJB063

Meditation isn’t the cause of anything and meditation does not ‘make you angry’. It’s ‘working’ perfectly.

You’re attempting to identify with the anger, making it about you. It’s not of your true nature, and that is why it feels the way it does, because your true nature is lighthearted goodness. 

You have a belief at play which is not true. It’s about yourself & your world, and was learned from the environment. Most people in your environment are suffering too. The difference is you have balls and are doing something about it. You’re going about it the hard way. Stop doing that. 

Stop thinking about yourself!  Start loving yourself. ‘Bath’ yourself in understanding. 

Meditation doesn’t just ‘make shit go away’. It brings ‘your shit’ to the surface to you can inspect, understand, and dispel falsity & misunderstanding. Everything you do inspect and dispel & release - is ‘gone’, seen through, for good, for the rest of your life. This is you deeply loving yourself, and bettering yourself. Your entire life is going to be better off, because of the work you’re doing. If I was you I’d be feeling awesome about doing the work. 

When the anger arises, breathe through it and relax the body, and then write about it. Don’t write about yourself, your past, etc. Write about how you feel right now, and why. Write with brevity and be direct. Breath into feeling and emotion. Bring it all to the surface with the breath, and clear it out and release it with the breath. Go slow, stay slow. Stay with feeling, as not to get carried away in thinking. 

Ultimately, understanding sets you free of misunderstanding. There is someone to love & understand. Might be you, might be someone else, might be from your past. But when you write about it, stay present. Stay now. Stay here. Don’t wander off in the mind. Feel how you feel now. Express the arising thought, which are arising now. It’s only how the thought / perspective you’re experiencing now feels. Everything everyone does is because of love. 

Understand the power of meditation. Understand what’s really going on here. ALL of your misunderstandings and misinterpretations from the second you were born will arise and be freed. You can not get to love, but nonetheless, when you are truly all done with meditation, only love will remain. 

 

It can also be incredibly useful, even if & especially if you’re presently experiencing anger, to be angry on purpose. ‘Task yourself’ with it, like a command. Pretend you’re angry. It tends to help one see through that one is angry is already pretending. Serious or sincere (lighthearted). Pick the one that feels true about who you really. 

Infinite humor btw is the most powerful tool. If you can find your way to laughing about yourself, and your anger, definitely do so. You can’t be the set up and the punchline at the same time. Better to be laughing than pissed, ime. 

[IJB063]

@Consept

37 minutes ago, Consept said:

Do you see the paradox in forcing yourself to let go? You cant get to inaction or peace from action. 

How do you get yourself to meditate then?

@nistake

31 minutes ago, nistake said:

Maybe next time try to separate yourself from the anger. If you completely identify with it, it's no wonder you get carried away and "ruins" your session. Instead of reacting to it blindly, just say to yourself: "Now I feel anger. What is this anger? Where does it come from?". Don't try to get away from it, don't try to calm yourself. Observe it silently as long as necessary.

I try to, it just over powers that rational introspective part of me, the more I practice the more I’m sure it’ll become easier for me to do that

@Espaim

29 minutes ago, Espaim said:

You find the anger that arose during meditation weird because you think of yourself as a chill person

If you thought of yourself as an angry person, being chill would weird you out

That's not a healthy way to handle your emotions; that's repression

From now on, I would suggest you consider yourself someone who gets angry, annoyed or disturbed at some situations. Don't cling to this either, just test this identity for some days.

I understand your point

I’m not shocked that there is anger

I’m just surprised at how easy it is to invoke by just sitting still with my thoughts

[Member]

You have all the reasons to be angry. Accept your negative feelings (don't fight them) and move on. They will fade away soon.

[IJB063]

@Nak Khid

35 minutes ago, Nak Khid said:

1) self hypnosis

Kinda like affirmations, ok, I’m might try this out

35 minutes ago, Nak Khid said:

2) concentration meditation 

Ok, that’s similar to what I’m already doing, but I don’t repeat a mantra, I struggle to focus the moment I become angry

37 minutes ago, Nak Khid said:

3)  Mindfullness meditation with noting

This is what I’ve been doing

Ive been mostly listening to guided audio meditation, which walks you through labelling different sensations and focusing on the breath

38 minutes ago, Nak Khid said:

4)  Walking meditation

That’s what I’ve been thinking about doing, is before I meditate trying to let out some aggression, I have a weight bench with about 90lbs worth of weights, so what I might start doing is exercising or going for a jog, maybe taking a cold shower and doing some breath work before I meditate 

[Nak Khid]

13 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

@Nak Khid

Ok, that’s similar to what I’m already doing, but I don’t repeat a mantra, I struggle to focus the moment I become angry

 

what you were doing is what you were saying after, is mindfulness, focusing on the moment. 
That exposes the repressed anger (which caught you be surprise) and that can be unpleasant (but necessary to work through) 

However concentration meditation, "Samatha" is not focusing on the moment it is focusing on that one thing, one word  or a mantra or a candle with the eyes open (gazing) . It is quite different and also called tranquility meditation 

When not doing meditation there is also the psychotherapy approach, trying to uncover root causes or past traumas which may have imprinted. 

Quote

I don't know what you mean by the nature of the anger. It's just anger.

That's vague. You probably have 1-3 primary anger points about something more specific.  It may take a while for clarity on that. 
these things can be scary and if not understood can go on for years., one's demons.  I have some myself 

Edited June 9, 2020 by Nak Khid

[IJB063]

@Nahm

Thanks for the reply, I found it helpful

@Nak Khid

38 minutes ago, Nak Khid said:

That's vague. You probably have 1-3 primary anger points about something more specific.  It may take a while for clarity on that. 
these things can be scary and if not understood can go on for years., one's demons.  I have some myself 

It’s vague because I don’t know what is meant by the nature of your anger, anger can originate from different causes but it’s still just anger in varying degrees, or maybe there are different types I don’t know

[mandyjw]

@IJB063 I found Leo a long time ago by searching for "how to deal with anger" on youtube. Anxiety and fear seem to be the deeper root issue behind it oftentimes. I'm not sure if you'd also find that to be the case. I've found running to be really helpful, in my opinion nothing feels better when you're angry or frustrated than a good run. It has a way of channeling thoughts so they all come out but they are all seen as they do. Sitting with that energy with the intention of stopping thoughts is much harder in my opinion, so I find doing both works well for me. Breath work and all kinds of other techniques might work better for you. 

 @Nahm 's advice has been beyond valuable to me in this area.