I Am Jealous Of My Girl Friend

[Espanha]

There's this girl that I am friends with. I used to hit on her but nothing actually ever happened, and we are just friends at the moment.

The problem is I am jealous of her, she's always with other people and she always tells me. I've broken contact with her before because of this, but we are now talking and meeting sometimes like we used to, and I like it.

I like having her in my life and she likes me too. However I feel that the only way for me to stop this suffering from jealousness is breaking contact with her again. I hate having to choose between having her / feeling shitty and jealous all the time.

I really want to end this. I have short jealousness attacks from time to time, when I think of her. It's awful, I feel like I want to kill something, punch everyone, untill I can forget whatever happened.

Can you think of any other way to end this? Or do I really have to let her go?

PS.: I won't ask her to not tell me who she's been with.

[Eddie_the_Eggplant]

Well, jealousy is a natural feeling to have. You should not be ashamed of being jealous. That being said, don't act on those emotions that arise when you get jealous. Instead, observe those thoughts that rise up and see them for what they really are. 

Second, it's important to realize that you can't "have" anyone. So she will never belong to you. She will always do whatever it is that she wants to do and it is important for you to not take anything she does personally. It's also important for you to have other friends that you can spend time with.

Ask yourself why you're jealous. Nothing I tell you will really change the way you feel, but I think it is important to go deeper into those emotions. Face them. They're not going to hurt you. It's just your ego feeding you those thoughts. 

Sorry if that didn't help much. I hope you gain something from this, though. 

Much love, ?

[DanoDMano]

I'm going to just suspect that your a young man. As you grow both mentally and spiritually (if that is truly what your seeking) you will come to realize that these feelings you have are simply your ego playing tricks on you. If you can't have her then your ego is telling you no one should have her. But here's the truth, you do have her. Just not in the way your ego wants. 

Do you think you love her? If your mind is telling you yes then you just might be lying to yourself (we do this all the time). If you truly loved her you would only wish for her happiness (with or without you in her life). If you know she's happy then why would your own feelings be of suffering and jealousy of that happiness? That's not love, that's control. Do you bring her happiness? You probably do because she stays in your presence. Is that not enough?

I'm sure your ego wants intimacy and physical attraction from this girl that your not getting. It's just your ego talking brother. It wants it now. Ego has no patients. Find patients and maybe (just maybe) she will come to see your growth and maturity in the future and realize what she has. Let her experience life and what it has to offer and be there with her to experience it. 

From my own experience I can truly tell you that all things happen for reason, which you will come to know yourself in time. If rush things and try to make things happen before their natural order you end up screwing things up. Discover your instinct, your intuition this is your true self trying to give you answers. Have patients, and if you truly like this girl be happy for her successes and comfort her when she fails. It's the best way to keep her in your life if that is truly what you want.   

[Espanha]

Thanks guys.

23 minutes ago, Eddie_the_Eggplant said:

Well, jealousy is a natural feeling to have. You should not be ashamed of being jealous. That being said, don't act on those emotions that arise when you get jealous. Instead, observe those thoughts that rise up and see them for what they really are.

I sometimes ask myself what this jealousy has to say about me - it's love or obssesion (can't think of anything else). Either way, I still feel it, and I still feel like I should do something to stop it immediately.

 

32 minutes ago, Eddie_the_Eggplant said:

Second, it's important to realize that you can't "have" anyone. So she will never belong to you. She will always do whatever it is that she wants to do and it is important for you to not take anything she does personally.

What I mean by "having her" is actually having her influence my life. Breaking contact with her means I don't have her anymore.

 

36 minutes ago, Eddie_the_Eggplant said:

Sorry if that didn't help much. I hope you gain something from this, though.

Thanks for the reply ^^

[Espanha]

51 minutes ago, DanoDMano said:

Do you think you love her? If your mind is telling you yes then you just might be lying to yourself (we do this all the time). If you truly loved her you would only wish for her happiness (with or without you in her life). If you know she's happy then why would your own feelings be of suffering and jealousy of that happiness? That's not love, that's control. Do you bring her happiness? You probably do because she stays in your presence. Is that not enough?

I want to tell me that I love her. What I feel is too much to be just obsession.

If I had to guess I'd say I love her the same way I love my family/closest friends - I love her flaws/unique traits and I am happy just from knowing she is as well.

51 minutes ago, DanoDMano said:

I'm sure your ego wants intimacy and physical attraction from this girl that your not getting. It's just your ego talking brother. It wants it now. Ego has no patients. Find patients and maybe (just maybe) she will come to see your growth and maturity in the future and realize what she has. Let her experience life and what it has to offer and be there with her to experience it.

I want this relationship to be positive. I don't care if I never fuck her, as long as it's the best for both of us.

But what am I supposed to do? Reading that this is just my ego doesn't make the feeling disappear. I'm still having attacks. There were days in which I couldn't masturbate because I kept imagining her with someone else, which is both extremely funny/sad at the same time. What do I do in a situation like this?

Edited February 9, 2016 by Espanha

[DanoDMano]

Unfortunately Espanha I don't have the answers for you. I just don't know enough about you, your life, your situation or any other parts of your life to give you a knowledgeable answer. Love / obsession is a very powerful and illogical emotion that can't really be given a logical answer. The real answer is in yourself. You ultimately know what you need to do and you'll only find the true answer there within yourself. Sometimes the right thing to do is also the most painful and this to is something your ego will refuse to acknowledge. You have to try and look past that to find your answer. Good luck brother and I hope you find contentment and peace with your outcome.     

[ZenTwizzle]

One thing that helps me in dealing with any negative emotion is just allow yourself to feel it, Note where you feel it in your body, what it does to your posture etc. observe it. Pretty soon you realize it is just a feeling that your ego is dictating to you and the feeling eventually ebbs. You'll notice the feeling is just a feeling and it won't kill you and you might even get to the point of changing what you think about that feeling. I was dumped a week before Christmas and was so devastated and couldn't imagine how I could get past the pain. Once I just allowed myself to feel the pain, realize that the pain I was feeling was my ego telling me this is the result of the event. I have since, every time that pain pops up, I tell myself that isn't serving me any purpose and instead of hurting, I now look at that pain as just the feeling of one door closing and a new fabulous door is now open with all sorts of exciting possibilities. Don't know if that will help you, but it has gone a long way in helping me let go of negative emotions that don't serve me well.