Trip Report - Strange Loopy Madness

[reves]

This is the report of my last trip with LSD on May 22th of 2020. It was a very intense, somehow "bad tripping" experience and it has taken me some more effort than the normal to process all I went through. Here are some of the most interesting aspects, I how you enjoy reading it!

Medicine: 175 ug of 1p-LSD

Intention
- What is God?
- What is a Miracle?
- What is my purpose in this life?
- What is Telepathy? How does it works?

The Trip

I made some Kriya Yoga for an hour and at the end I took the medicine around 9:00 am. I started to feel the effects around 40 minutes after taking the medicine. I was sitting in the kitchen, as I was drinking some ginger tea I had a powerful mystical experience. The whole day was raining, however the room suddenly was very radiant full of light, I started to get very strong visual effects and as I was looking at both of my hands the illusion of self, of being apart from everything just dropped.

Everything was pure white light around me, I could not see anything else. I was as if I had imploded, I became pure radiating Love. It was so miraculous being so present everywhere and anywhere, Absolute Infinity. Everything made perfect sense during that moment, as I realized that the present moment was everything that ever was, that ever will be and that ever is, that I AM. I cried because of this realization, that God is Infinite Creativity, Infinite Love, its Everything and its ME. No words make justice to describe the indescribable.

As I started to feel the effects of the medicine getting stronger, I went to the room to lie down on the bed. And then it hit me like a train at full speed. It was as if I got connected to a stream and I started to get all kind of epiphanies and realizations, as if somebody was talking direct to me. At one moment it said: "Call me however you want to call me, God, Father, Consciousness, you know who I am, you have always known who I AM."

It was as if I got connected to a second order level of consciousness where everything made perfect sense, I could see what I have done in past lives, what I was meant to do during this life and what I would do in future lives. It was more like remembering who I am and remembering all this stuff. At one moment I saw as I where a huge energy tree and that with every "trip" I am sort of building some sort of bridge between the dimension of reality I am used to and other new dimensions I am getting to know. And that somehow this was something very important I had to do during this lifetime.

I could not tell the difference between having the eyes open or closed, between imagining something or the reality as I am used to be. This, together with the connection with the stream of messages with the Higher Consciousness started to freak me out. I started to think that I was really losing, but I also got scared because I would not know the difference if I was imagining jumping out of the window or doing it for real. And as I was tripping alone (even though this was not the first time) I just could not calm myself down. It was as something was wrong, or something could go really wrong if I just let go, and my ego was resisting very hard. As I could get lost in a Strange Loop and become crazy mad.

I did everything I know to try to calm me down, but realizing that everything is a dream, an illusion was something that my ego was not being able to accept very easy as I experiencing during the trip. So I called a friend, just to get the illusion of being in control and doing something I am used to do, and to get the illusion of other. We talked for 20/30 minutes and I managed to calm down. I was moving in the room as I was talking but I could not feel the body.

I was seeing like a bubble of consciousness moving with me, but outside of this bubble everything was just nothing, pure Nothingness. The most interesting thing however, is that as we where talking on the phone, I realized like on a meta-level that I was creating the whole thing in real-time, the illusion of me being in panic, the illusion of other (this friend), the mobile phones and telecommunication systems, the room, the floor, every fucking thing I AM!

After this call I could calm down a little and continue tripping, I also realized that I had barely hit the two hour mark and that I had a long hard trip before me. As I could not completely let go of the illusion of fear, I lied on the floor, and tried to remain in an open position. I had all kind of crazy visions, like seeing at my hands and having like twenty fingers on each one.

I realized how I project my shadow on external things, and how until that moment I was always "thinking" that something external is the source of this shadow. It was as if I could turn around and see me completely as I am, with all the fears and things that I can not accept about myself.

Later after seven or perhaps eight hours of experiencing madness the ego started to reassembly more and I ate something and went for a walk in the forest. This helped me start recounting the trip and release all a lot of energy. Finally, on the evening night I was able to sit down very peacefully and in total surrender, for two hours or so.

Conclusions

In retrospective, I see that my ego was generating all of this fear and resistance and that:

• I should probably had to go deeper into this madness.
• However, I just could not do it during that moment, it felt so hard to let go.
• And this is fine, something you are able to push through but sometimes it is better to hold on.
• This only gives me the courage to keep on doing this work.
• It also allowed me to accept me more as I am, to be more genuine with myself and with what I really want to be.

I already had some glimpses to realize that everything is a dream, but this is by far the most direct experience I have had into the Truth.

It is possible to communicate with God, in fact we are always doing this because we are all One and we are all God.

It is true that every awakening is always the greatest awakening, because we are always expanding more and more, forever infinitely.

Being able to realize the Truth is not always the sweetest of thing you will experience, but it is every moment of pain and craziness worth it!

As always thanks to the great community of Actualized.org and @Leo Gura for his great teachings and amazing content! Thanks for reading and for the comments!

[Gneh Onebar]

Great insights for only 175 mcg. Thx for sharing! 

[reves]

@Gneh Onebar thanks! 100 ug are already breakthrough territory for me. But I have been working with 150-200 ug ranges and I have started to see that it is too much

[Gneh Onebar]

@reves  Yeah, People react really different to psychedelics. I need 200 mcg of 1P to reach a (small) breakthrough. 

[Kingston]

Bro I just did 600 ug yesterday ....

Its crazy. The goodness and the profundity I’ve seen is beyond my wildest dream! 
600 ug seems too much for normal people. But I seem to have a higher tolerance than others. So it works just perfect for me!!!

Reality is infinite orgasm/love

It’s orgasm orgasm orgasm 

period. 

 

Edited June 7, 2020 by Kingston

[Leo Gura]

@reves Very good. You got a lot to integrate there so don't trip again for a while. Sounds like you went right up to the edge of what your mind/ego were able to handle. If you integrate all that, next time you will be able to handle even deeper insights.

But be careful with future dosages. You might want to lower them so you don't get ahead of your skiis.

[Corpus]

I honestly think until one has had the experience of the ego resisting producing thought-looping whereby jumping out of a window seems possible and reasonable, one should be very cautious of higher-dose tripping alone.

It's a real education and immensely useful for future ventures.

[reves]

@Leo Gura Hi thanks, yes I went right to the edge I see that the more I trip the less dosage I need, I will definitely lower the dose next time. I was thinking on doing some low dose trips with mushrooms maybe, to integrate this huge trip.  What do you think about that? Thanks!!

 

@Corpus  yes, you have to be very careful when tripping alone. I knew I was freaking out, but had no desire to jump ot of the window or something like that. I was able to remain just sitting/laying down on the floor. But I have been increasing the dose very carefully and I do other practices like meditation, kriya yoga, contemplation etc..

 

@Kingston Wow 600 ug, that is way to much for me, but hey, I get the part about the ontological orgasm its awesome!

 

[legendary]

@reves wonderful and quite profound!