Social Interaction

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas Oh yeah, I knew you were joking lol. Didnt mean to get all serious. 

I'm dont love the part of me that doesnt protect me and leave someone who I know is hurting me. I am slowly developing trust for myself. 

I want to trust myself and love myself and know that I will leave in tough situations. 

[JessiChell]

@universe I dont find online dating productive. 

But I'm not dating right now. I'm not ready. But I was trying to lay foundation in the future. But yes. Yoga will consume my time. 

Once a guy did show interest. He was one of the instructors. But I was in a relationship at the time. 

[Chokurei]

The most valuable people in one´s life use to be:

-The ones who have a long history timeline with you.

-The ones you find while doing your way in life, like taking courses, hanging out around the same places, working, etc.

I have reached a point in my life now, in which I have only 2 real available friends for the day-to-day meetings, one of them is now in the psychiatric for a suicide attempt. I have a cousin too, with whom I work out in the gym, and a bikers group for sporadic motorcycle routes. Everyone else lives out of my city. And I have about three to five more people for WhatsApp conversations, but I don´t meet them.

My meetings are currently 1v1, or 3 total. No groups, no big meetings.

That´s it.

In my opinion, the ideal situation would be up to four intimate friends for 2 to 4 people meetings, 1 intimate partner, and 1 or 2 groups for big meetings. This sounds like a very rich and fulfilling social life.

 

 

 

[bejapuskas]

10 hours ago, JessiChell said:

I'm dont love the part of me that doesnt protect me and leave someone who I know is hurting me. I am slowly developing trust for myself. 

I want to trust myself and love myself and know that I will leave in tough situations. 

@JessiChell  Do you think this applies also to your friendships, not just romantic relationships?

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas Just romantic relationships. If a friends ever hurt me, I drop them quickly. I barely have enough patience to be around friends let alone tolerate any hurtful behavior.

[bejapuskas]

2 hours ago, JessiChell said:

@bejapuskas Just romantic relationships. If a friends ever hurt me, I drop them quickly. I barely have enough patience to be around friends let alone tolerate any hurtful behavior.

You mentioned before that you can feel honest around some friends, is that something you want to deal with?

[Javfly33]

On 8/6/2020 at 7:48 AM, Oliver Saavedra said:

@JessiChell

When we judge we usually see people as "less valuable" than us. 

We judge their ideas, beliefs, actions, work, body, clothes, voice, everything as less valuable and thus disgusting. 

In the same way we judge ourselves as less valuable than others, feeling disgust for ourselves. 

The thing is value isn't real, so we have all the same value. 

Your personal value doesn't depend on what you do, what you know, what you believe in, your money, your ideas, on nothing. Nor does nobody else. 

We're all worthy of Love, no exceptions.

This needs to be understood emotionally, for disgust and judgment of others is an emotional thing. 

@Oliver Saavedra What would you advice in order to realize that "emotionally" as you said?

[Oliver Saavedra]

2 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

@Oliver Saavedra What would you advice in order to realize that "emotionally" as you said?

First become fully aware of the emotional process of judgement, all the sensations of disgust, anger, and pride that trigger automatically. Notice how unleash thoughts and sensations in the body. Notice how you discard other people and their ideas because of this. Practice a lot noticing this process when you are others.

Also notice how you do this to yourself, how you are constantly comparing yourself with others. Notice the sensations of envy and jealousy of others that are "better" than you. Notice the thoughts and body sensations that arise with it.

Notice it is an emotional automatic reaction, maybe you're not literally thinking "this person is better/worse than me and I hate it" but it arises automatically in your emotional channel, you just suddenly feel it and probably react to it.

The judgement mechanism is a defense mechanism, its function is to compare and reject those things that are different so that we mantain status quo within ourselves. The problem with it is that we react to it and instantly reject others, thus limiting our learning and creative expansion.

After you are VERY aware of it you'll probably start not believing it nor reacting to it. Remember that others are as important and valuable as you, and then change your focus from judging to being curious and try to understand those who are different, you'll probably learn new different perspectives you never considered. Understanding different ideas or people doesn't mean you have to agree with them or integrate them to you, you just peacefully understand their perspective and keep being yourself. 

Once you practice a LOT this emotional process, you'll realize that everyone is as valuable and worthy of Love.

?

[Lyubov]

A friend of mine told me once they feel this way. I also recall feeling this way as well many years ago. I think at that time I was much more closed off and unauthentic so part of me felt lonely because even though I was around people I wasn't receiving the love of friendship because I was closed off from it. I would seek out people like me as well which further affected my self esteem.  

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas Im honest around everyone. But maybe my comfort level is not the same. 

Some people make me uncomfortable. If they seem to be hypercritical, cynical or shy, I become more withdrawn and uninterested in being around them. 

 

[JessiChell]

@Lyubov I'm trying to think if I have been inauthentic. I dont believe so. 

Judgemental, yes. I do need to work on my judgements. 

I'm a person that throws my weight around. And I'm more comfortable in the presence of others that do that too. In one way or another. 

However I think it's the type of people I was hanging out with. I actually socialized one night on my isolation retreat (lol) and didnt feel drained. I felt quite happy. The people were different. 

I'm sure I'm more drawn to some than others. But I know that's coming from ego. But also Consciousness is suppost to protect me from hurtful situations. So maybe the people I hung out with before were not good people to be around. 

[Espaim]

I didn't read every post in here so I'm going to address your question directly.

Quote

Is it normal to feel lonely after socializing? 

I don't think it's a matter of being normal or not. It's more about how you interpret that sensation.

If you go into social interactions with the intent to get satisfaction from the person or conversation, then you'll probably be disappointed. No experience or state can get you lasting satisfaction, which is probably what you aren't getting.

I am probably biased here but I tend more to the extroverted side. I generally feel awesome after social interactions. I want to share my happiness with the people around me and maybe help them solve some of their problems. Still, I don't need them to get my share of happiness and love, I am able to give myself these things. Those interactions where I feel fulfilled are when I am coming from a place of abundance.

I don't NEED the person, still, I am talking with him/her.

Quote

I generally feel great or happy by myself.

From an absolute POV, there's no other. So I'm actually always alone talking to myself. Consciousness talking to itself. Consciousness consciousnessing with consciousness. Consciousness consciousness consciousness. So, if you are happy alone, you would be always happy!? Did you get it? I'm still working on my non-dual bullshitting.

From another POV, I do not find it the best use of my time to be around certain people, as they don't help my survival agenda. Anyway, the more selfless I become, the more I am able to tolerate people's behavior.

Quote

Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

You are already whole, no matter what you do.

Best wishes 

[JessiChell]

@Espaim

39 minutes ago, Espaim said:

 So, if you are happy alone, you would be always happy!? Did you get it? I'm still working on my non-dual bullshitting.

Yes, I get that. I'm not 100% happy alone but I'm used to it. 

 

40 minutes ago, Espaim said:

From another POV, I do not find it the best use of my time to be around certain people, as they don't help my survival agenda. 

I resonate with that statement a lot. 

Thank you for sharing <3

[bejapuskas]

14 hours ago, JessiChell said:

Some people make me uncomfortable. If they seem to be hypercritical, cynical or shy, I become more withdrawn and uninterested in being around them. 

Hypocritical people are best at hiding their mistakes from themselves but also best at showing your mistakes to you. I don't think it's beneficial to spend your time with all the people equally, that doesn't make sense, you would be forcing something, but seeing these kinds of lessons can be great.

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas I agree. 

You seem to be more inquisitive than others on the site. I really enjoyed our interaction, 

Have a good one!

[Parththakkar12]

On 6/7/2020 at 6:01 PM, JessiChell said:

I'll ask the forum this because I need to understand quickly. 

Is it normal to feel lonely after socializing? 

I've realized after social interactions, group interactions or being around someone I'm not completely comfortable with (like a partner), I get the feeling of loneliness. 

It's so strange because I'm alone a lot. I have been working on loneliness feeling but I generally feel great or happy by myself. 

Does anyone else feel drained or lonely after group interactions? Or being a round one person who you dont necessarily enjoy their company as much as being alone? 

Thank you. 

Good question. I might just have the answer for you.

I have tried to socialize my way out of loneliness. It doesn't work. There is only one way to resolve this issue - Have collective goals in your personal relationship life (as opposed to individual goals) and actualize them. A collective goal is a goal you have not only for yourself, but for the collective of your social circle, or your romantic relationship, or your community.

If you have an issue of loneliness, this indicates something you're wanting to create with people. It could be a relationship in which the 2 of you genuinely understand each other. It could be a family. It could be a group of friends that goes camping every weekend. I'd suggest you find that thing you're wanting to create and find people to actualize it with. It is in the process of creating it as a team, that your loneliness will really go away.

You cannot just socialize your way out of chronic loneliness. You may be able to cope with it by socializing, but it won't really get healed just by socializing or 'hanging out with people'. I've found the only way to be to create your personal life according to what you genuinely want.

Edited June 17, 2020 by Parththakkar12

[JessiChell]

@Parththakkar12 Thank you for your response. 

So I'm currently following Leo's view to cure loneliness 100% has to be done with inner work fully. With no emphasis on friends or community. 

I'm not sure if this is right, but I am working towards it. The reason for having friends for me is to create more sexual options in the future when I'm ready to date, which, with each passing day seems less and less relevant to my life. 

I think I would like to build a small community of friends though. But not under the illusion that this will cure my loneliness. Just maybe to build my experiences through life and occasionally make people laugh. Which, I genuinely enjoy. 

[Elham]

@JessiChell same for me 

I feel more lonely being with other people than being with myself.

[JessiChell]

@Elham That's me most of the time unless I'm playing social deduction games with intelligent people. 

[bejapuskas]

@Elham @JessiChell  Loneliness isn't disconnection from others.