Social Interaction

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas Most people live dull lives. They lack depth and personality. So when they go out with me I want to stimulate them and give them a good time. 

I get the feeling of pleasure from seeing other people receive pleasure. So I feel like it's a skill I've mastered over the years to break that awkward tension and make them feel comfortable.

With people I care about, I give it as a gift. While I do get something out of it, its definitely more giving than receiving most of the time. 

It's manipulation, I guess. I can use it to get almost anything or any person interested in me. 

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas Be careful with your questions. I will talk about myself all day. 

[ArchangelG]

On 2020-06-08 at 3:59 AM, JessiChell said:

I guess I'm judging them as, "inadequate." Which is a pretty terrible judgement. 

Not necessarily, judgement is always produced in the activity of wanting. So what is it that you want that produces this judgement? 

Authenticity, self expression, connection maybe, etc?

 

[JessiChell]

@ArchangelG Stimulating connection or conversation. 

They don't have to be an intellectual or anything, But that usually is a key factor in whether I enjoy someone's company or not. 

But this is judgment. I don't think we should have judgments. 

[Elham]

5 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

 

@JessiChell @Elham  When do you feel disconnected like that? Is it when you need something from the other person that they cannot see? Maybe if you are hanging out with multiple people at the same time, it's harder for everyone to distribute attention equally. Maybe try 1 on 1 conversations, see how that goes.

It's not like that...its like when I am with people, even close friends and few in number, I prefer to to be quiet and sit in a corner out of attention. It's just a preference. At the same time I can be very socialized. It's not a big deal. I was just saying such preference exist.

[bejapuskas]

3 hours ago, Elham said:

It's not like that...its like when I am with people, even close friends and few in number, I prefer to to be quiet and sit in a corner out of attention. It's just a preference. At the same time I can be very socialized. It's not a big deal. I was just saying such preference exist.

@Elham I think I understand what you mean, I actually do the same most of the time, so yeh, relatable  :))

8 hours ago, JessiChell said:

Be careful with your questions. I will talk about myself all day. 

@JessiChell  Haha, it's ok, this is your thread.

8 hours ago, JessiChell said:

Most people live dull lives. They lack depth and personality. So when they go out with me I want to stimulate them and give them a good time. 

I get the feeling of pleasure from seeing other people receive pleasure. So I feel like it's a skill I've mastered over the years to break that awkward tension and make them feel comfortable. 

What kind of pleasure do you give them, are you trying to get them to discover a life that is not dull? Is your life not dull?

8 hours ago, JessiChell said:

It's manipulation, I guess. I can use it to get almost anything or any person interested in me. 

Is is manipulation most of the time? Did you say that as like a realization to the thing you said before? Does manipulation get you what you want?

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas They laugh, they are entertained. They forget about their boring lives for a night. That kind of pleasure. 

No, I dont think they could discover a non-dull life. You either have worked on your personality and have whit or you don't. I guess it's to be liked and favored? 

My life isn't anymore exciting than another's but I can be charismatic. And that charisma can make for an interesting life or an interesting night. 

Just people are dull. I'm sure they live fulfilling lives but even if you're accomplished or happy it doesnt matter to me. I'd rather be in a room of loud, funny people who can easily outdo me in jokes and entertainment. 

Yeah, I guess I realized it's a form of manipulation. But isnt picking up, learning to be attractive and stuff like that manipulation as well?

No, I dont set out with the intention to be manipulative unless I fancy someone. If I fancy someone I make sure I'm charismatic. But maybe that's not manipulation? ?‍♀️

 

 

[hamedsf]

if somebody has significant self-awareness, he could simply do convert the dumpiest communication or conversation to the ideal one.

extrovert and introvert are only the limitation of the mind! that's all! the true grown person is at ease playing with both sides of spectrum at the same time. that type of person can be inside with prisoners and still communicate smoothly! the thing is that the lack of high-quality communication comes from the illusion of separation, like one would consider himself superior to other people and the other people not deserve his conversation. (like he would think they are dirty, they are dump and inferior, they are unconscious and so on and so forth) 

well, here something is more important and that is the personal preferences, one might not prefer such and such people as his friends and perhaps the person might prefer to be lonely for a short period of time and not interact with people in the meantime, but whenever he gets outside of home, he gets back to being highly-communicative again! 

and don't forget that being great at communication skills and being comfortable with everyone doesn't you mean will also prefer to include creepy people in your social circle!!  

this is one-of-a-kind answer I doubt you'd find similar one in this thread! 

 

Edited June 20, 2020 by hamedsf

[bejapuskas]

@JessiChell  Now I am confused whether you actually want to change this about yourself or whether your current social life is good enough

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas me too

[bejapuskas]

@JessiChell  Maybe you should think about what you really want to give and whether you can actually provide it in this moment or not.

[JessiChell]

@modmyth Hey Modmyth, 

I've been stalking your journals and I really love your artwork and the amount of time you spend reflecting on your life. It's really inspiring. 

I think there's a lot of truth in what you're saying. I resonate with the feeling of abandoning myself. It builds resentment. Especially since that's been my main issue in romantic relationships. I will say, this was the most present I have been in a situation I didn't want to be in. Usually I escape into my head. 

So there was some improvement. I thought I would be completely impenetrable to feeling drained. But I think I need to be patient and know that my consciousness and self-love will grow as long as I'm doing the work. Maybe it's like going to the gym for a month and expecting to see unrealistic improvement. 

Thank you for your response. 

@bejapuskas 

I will think about it and try to decipher. Usually warmth is what I enjoy giving. 

 

[bejapuskas]

@JessiChell  Maybe you can find a different, more effective way to give warmth and love. Love is literally everything, anything you do or not do is exactly that, but if you get drained or suffer, it's nonsensical to do it, as it limits you too much. Maybe you lack healthy boundaries.