Social Interaction

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas It's disconnection from self, correct?

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas But disconnection from self when around others, is an ego problem. 

Because if we had no ego, it wouldn't matter who we were around, We would constantly feel connected to self. 

So Elham and I, have a disconnection with self, when around others and can be fixed by working on ego. 

[bejapuskas]

@JessiChell How do you work on your ego?

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas Silencing thought? Reflection on where fear comes from? 

Mindfulness?

Edited June 17, 2020 by JessiChell

[bejapuskas]

@JessiChell  Do you regularly work on your ego?

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas I just started inner work a month ago. But since then, yes. 

Every day. 

[Parththakkar12]

2 hours ago, JessiChell said:

@Parththakkar12 Thank you for your response. 

So I'm currently following Leo's view to cure loneliness 100% has to be done with inner work fully. With no emphasis on friends or community. 

I'm not sure if this is right, but I am working towards it. The reason for having friends for me is to create more sexual options in the future when I'm ready to date, which, with each passing day seems less and less relevant to my life. 

I think I would like to build a small community of friends though. But not under the illusion that this will cure my loneliness. Just maybe to build my experiences through life and occasionally make people laugh. Which, I genuinely enjoy. 

Watch Teal Swan's videos. They're all about human emotional needs.

Human beings have emotional needs that we need each other to meet. We are social animals. Loneliness (or neediness) is a symptom of emotional starvation.

I don't agree with Leo on loneliness (or neediness). Leo seems to have an avoidant attachment style, where he prefers to be alone with no community, having casual sex with short-term partners he meets through doing PUA at bars/clubs. Avoidant people (including PUAs, who are also mostly avoidant) typically tend to see 'neediness' as a bad thing, they tend to project onto other people that they should be okay alone. Leo unconsciously denies this reality of human beings that we have emotional needs. He, by his own admission, doesn't really understand deep emotional wounds, emotional healing and psychological problems.

[JessiChell]

@Parththakkar12

While I'm not keen on the criticism of Leo, I will check out Teal Swan. 

Thank you

[Parththakkar12]

53 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

While I'm not keen on the criticism of Leo, I will check out Teal Swan. 

The point isn't to bash Leo. It is to tell you important things I see about him and what he says. His perspective is a partial one and I thought it was important to focus on what he's missing in this case.

[universe]

3 hours ago, Parththakkar12 said:

Human beings have emotional needs that we need each other to meet. We are social animals. Loneliness (or neediness) is a symptom of emotional starvation.

For me loneliness is an emotion. Sure you could say it is caused by being starved emotionally. The question then is how do you go about it?

Do you go around and look and demand from people to emotionally engage with you? Or do you turn inwards and see what this emotion really is. Sit with the emotion and accept it. Not judging or trying to control it. Understanding where its coming from and what it has to say? Thats what Leo teaches. To turn inwards and master your emotions. Working on it until you get that internal change in your mindset. Not a quick fix but lasting changes to your being and identity.

[JessiChell]

@universe

I guess I never connected that loneliness was an emotion. Holy shit. 

 

[Elham]

8 hours ago, JessiChell said:

@Elham That's me most of the time unless I'm playing social deduction games with intelligent people. 

In the way of self actualization people turn out to become introvert. 

For me it was so much the case... three years ago when I took MBTI test the result was 50% extrovert 50% introvert. But now it is 80% introvert. And I can see it not only in test but in real life as well.

[Elham]

@bejapuskas my focus was not on terminology.  By lonely I meant I feel being quiet and disconnected from people. I don't know the right word for this situation!

[Aquarius]

9 hours ago, JessiChell said:

@bejapuskas It's disconnection from self, correct?

@JessiChell No it's neediness to be around others and to feel connected.

Solitude is the connection to yourself.

Disconnection of yourself is ego-death or emptiness. Or absolute neutrality if ego is yet intact.

Edited June 18, 2020 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

@Elham Misunderstood? Not understood? Not on the same wavelength?

[Parththakkar12]

8 hours ago, universe said:

For me loneliness is an emotion. Sure you could say it is caused by being starved emotionally. The question then is how do you go about it?

Do you go around and look and demand from people to emotionally engage with you? Or do you turn inwards and see what this emotion really is. Sit with the emotion and accept it. Not judging or trying to control it. Understanding where its coming from and what it has to say? Thats what Leo teaches. To turn inwards and master your emotions. Working on it until you get that internal change in your mindset. Not a quick fix but lasting changes to your being and identity.

Yeah I agree it is an emotion.

Demanding from people to emotionally engage with you is a dis-empowered way of going about it. The key, alluding to what I previously said, is to create your life such that you will have people in your life long-term to meet your emotional needs. This would involve facing incompatibility and finding people who are compatible with you. This would also involve showing your vulnerability and finding people you can trust with your vulnerability. That would be the empowered way of going about it.

I agree with the part of understanding where it's coming from and what it has to say. In fact that is my suggestion too. The problem I have with Leo's attitude around this, is that he doesn't account for emotional needs. Emotional needs include closeness, physical touch, connection, intimacy. This will create a gaping hole in your being and tons of emotional suffering.

When you're at Stage Orange, you will be stuck in the materialist paradigm relative to relationships. The materialist paradigm is very individualistic, it lacks collectivism. Individualism says something along the lines of 'We are all individuals, so only I am responsible for meeting my needs. Nobody else is responsible.' It takes 'I am responsible for meeting my needs' and adds an 'only' behind it, which is false. The whole universe at large is also responsible for meeting your needs. This includes other people. You need people who take ownership of you, who take responsibility for meeting your needs too. You can do that for other people too.

The materialist scientific paradigm will also deny emotional needs, as they can't be measured or proven. So when you feel lonely, if you're in the materialist paradigm, you will make it about sex, which you will perceive to be an individual desire. Then, you will go about it in a transactional manner, which is radically different from showing your vulnerability and trusting other people to meet your needs. You will not be prepared to give other people so much power in your life, because you will not be prepared to face rejection relative to emotional needs. That is its own can of worms. The point is, understanding emotional needs cannot happen from within the materialist paradigm. You will have to start feeling your emotions and tapping into your intuition.

[JessiChell]

@Parththakkar12 I get what you're saying. Because I have a healthy relationship with a very close girlfriend, I can see what you're talking about. 

We meet give each other emotional support, if the other wants it. We love each other completely and without judgement. 

So this is what the Reiki master told me when I was gone. "Relationships are based on conditional love. Only you have the power to offer yourself unconditional love." 

I think unconditional love is the love that is absolutely needed. There's probably a percentage to gauge happiness out there. And I'm sure there is a portion that is reserved for conditional love, i.e. community, close friendships (I'm leaving romantic relationships out of this, for now) 

But from what I understand, unconditional love of the self is what should be focused on until you have put your thoughts (ego), in their rightful place. Any outside interference will make you lean too heavily on others. 

And @Elham 

7 hours ago, Elham said:

In the way of self actualization people turn out to become introvert. 

For me it was so much the case... three years ago when I took MBTI test the result was 50% extrovert 50% introvert. But now it is 80% introvert. And I can see it not only in test but in real life as well.

I see this as a trend. Leo is introverted. However I feel he was introverted prior to awakening. 

Here are my thoughts that could be incorrect, but, I believe if you are truly awakened or enlightened or have successfully killed your ego, you would be neither, or you would be 50/50. Because if only the one that sees, exists, then you are fully living in the present. It wouldn't matter if you were around others or not around others. You would simply, be. You would not have a preference as to "I like being alone" or "I like to be within a loving community."

I can't speak on where Leo is at or if he's still introverted. But his awakening should have taken care of introverted-ness. He may isolate himself more to explore deeper stages of consciousness or whatever drugs do, but I would hope if he was not working on his thoughts (ego), he would be fully comfortable in a room full of people. 

[bejapuskas]

16 hours ago, JessiChell said:

 just started inner work a month ago. But since then, yes. 

Every day. 

Awesome, so where do you ultimately want to get, being comfortable in a room full of people?

@JessiChell @Elham  When do you feel disconnected like that? Is it when you need something from the other person that they cannot see? Maybe if you are hanging out with multiple people at the same time, it's harder for everyone to distribute attention equally. Maybe try 1 on 1 conversations, see how that goes.

[JessiChell]

@bejapuskas No, I am comfortable in a room with certain people. I just find interactions draining because I am usually the "social, funny one."

Edit: to answer your second question, it's after. I feel like I have put on a show to make people laugh and feel more comfortable because of their social awkwardness, they cannot create the warmth needed. So I create warmth. It's draining. 

But this last time, I tried to stay present, and I did, But after I still felt drained even though I didn't create warmth, love and laughter. It was strange. So I posted because I thought if I was present I wouldn't feel drained.


Well when I first started I wanted to develop enough self-love to leave abusive relationships. Which, was why I started watching Leo's videos. 

But now, I'm evolving, I'm not sure where exactly I want to be. 

I want to simply, be. Be happy, be present. 

And parts of the day, I am. I've been really happy lately. But currently I'm starving to understand more things. I'm moving into Eckhart Tolle right now, so I'm sure I will evolve into something else in a month. Ask me then. 

Edited June 18, 2020 by JessiChell

[bejapuskas]

7 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

And parts of the day, I am. I've been really happy lately. But currently I'm starving to understand more things. I'm moving into Eckhart Tolle right now, so I'm sure I will evolve into something else in a month. Ask me then. 

Hehe nice x)

8 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

I feel like I have put on a show to make people laugh and feel more comfortable because of their social awkwardness

Why do you believe that?