Social Interaction

[JessiChell]

I'll ask the forum this because I need to understand quickly. 

Is it normal to feel lonely after socializing? 

I've realized after social interactions, group interactions or being around someone I'm not completely comfortable with (like a partner), I get the feeling of loneliness. 

It's so strange because I'm alone a lot. I have been working on loneliness feeling but I generally feel great or happy by myself. 

Does anyone else feel drained or lonely after group interactions? Or being a round one person who you dont necessarily enjoy their company as much as being alone? 

Thank you. 

[Amit]

It's natural to feel that way. after you get to know someone, naturally you're curious to know more and more about her, until you are not very aware that it's just your thoughts and you can let it go. that's why it's important to have healthy deeper connections, so you can go back whenever you like.

I like to have very few close and deep connections over a lot of them. but it can be different for different people. 

[Jacobsrw]

15 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

I'll ask the forum this because I need to understand quickly. 

Is it normal to feel lonely after socializing? 

I've realized after social interactions, group interactions or being around someone I'm not completely comfortable with (like a partner), I get the feeling of loneliness. 

It's so strange because I'm alone a lot. I have been working on loneliness feeling but I generally feel great or happy by myself. 

Does anyone else feel drained or lonely after group interactions? Or being a round one person who you dont necessarily enjoy their company as much as being alone? 

Thank you. 

Hey there Jessi,

I can relate at times. I’ve found that socialisation is a complicated activity. It fluctuates and can feel different depending on our moods.

I would say our discomforts can arise when spending excessive time alone, as this further increases our inability to have competence or comfort around others. You could say it’s due to a lack of proximity (as in, lack of interacting often enough) this can reduce our capacities to feel adequate in social situations. Less time around people can produce declines in our confidence.

Socialising and solitude must be struct with a fine balance. Solitude is important but it must not saturate our ability to meet and encounter others gracefully. Take it upon yourself to track your future encounters and how they unfold. Journal this at the conclusion of each day. It may help you gain some clarity and awareness when rebalancing is required.

Edited June 7, 2020 by Jacobsrw

[JessiChell]

@Jacobsrw Yeah, I can see how I isolate myself from social interactions a lot because of this feeling but that's probably why I'm feeling this way. 

Its annoying that the answer is to do it more lol. But I see the relevance. 

[Preety_India]

 

@JessiChell  I think it's tricky. Personally I don't think it benefits so much. I have found more peace in solitude. 

If you need a break, then it's good. 

Also not all social interactions are healthy. You often run into the bad type of people who steal your energy and enthusiasm instead of helping you up. 

As much as you would want to work on social interactions, you might want to work on loneliness as well. Because loneliness is also necessary. Especially when you realize that the people around you aren't helpful, during those times, learning to deal with loneliness becomes a great and helpful skill. 

Even socialization is like a drug. So you get hooked on to it and then when you are alone it will feel like a withdrawal symptom. Almost everything is like a habit, like a drug. 

I suggest you that since you are trying to focus more on yourself, especially after your recent breakup, you try to keep away from socializing for some time till you are healed and happy. Your loneliness will persist during this time but this loneliness will also be your greatest strength. You will know that you aren't dependent on people to feel better every time, you will have a sense of independence and then you will not feel as much lonely, you will learn to overcome it and feel better despite being alone. 

This way you can enjoy both social interactions as well as your time after socializations. 

. 

[Javfly33]

@JessiChell Yes. Ime, It's because you are not being authentic in the interactions.

Have you observed that when you were with your partner you were more authentic?

If you are not opening up in the socialization as you would with other people (for example partner or family) then, of course you will feel lonely afterwards. Because you haven't connected truly.

 

[Member]

2 hours ago, JessiChell said:

I've realized after social interactions, group interactions or being around someone I'm not completely comfortable with (like a partner), I get the feeling of loneliness.

Does anyone else feel drained or lonely after group interactions? Or being a round one person who you dont necessarily enjoy their company as much as being alone?

Yeah, I get this feeling all the time. My only explanation is that I'm an introvert and many people don't seem very authentic...  they laugh too much, talk too much and this drains me of energy. Personally, I prefer being around chill/balanced people so maybe you're not in the right company.

[JessiChell]

@Preety_India Yeah, I'm alone almost all of the time. While I have tons of time to work on loneliness, I feel like I do need genuine friends in the area I live in now. 

All of my friends live far away and I think I may be isolating myself too much. Either way I keep socializing to a bare minimum because I always feel like I have to entertain people. I'm always the one that makes people laugh and it drains me when I get home. 

Thank you

[JessiChell]

@Member Yeah, I'm definitely looking for the right company. But I feel like I'm not gonna find it by not going out, you know? 

It's a tough situation. 

[JessiChell]

@Javfly33 Yeah, I am a little more authentic. However, I enjoy my partners because I can engage with them in intellectual conversation to some degree or maybe even a current event or values, basically interesting things to discuss. I find so many people lack depth. 

They love alcohol, drugs, they barely make it through life. With women its witch stuff, spells, astrology, stuff that I'm just not interested in. 

I like talking about theories, values, emotion, just other topics that don't surround surface level shit. Last night this girl was telling me her superpower in witchcraft was blood spells. And don't get me wrong, I respect her. But I just am not interested. I engage in the conversation, I ask questions, I learn about it, genuinely. But I feel drained after. 

[Oliver Saavedra]

Feel you, I'm very avoidant of people and social networks (and even family) because is very draining to me. I have my constellation of people who I enjoy and have good conversations. But they are also kinda loners so we don't speak all the time. 

The thing I've been learning these last years is to notice my disgust and judgement towards people and try to understand it. Be curious instead of judgemental, and I've realized everyone has something to teach you.

Usually the "negative traits" I judged in people I also had in myself, I was just projecting my shadow. As I began to be more compassionate I began to get comfortable with people and began to attract people I can actually have more deeper and meaningful connection. ❤️

Here's a nice video on loneliness:

 

[JessiChell]

@Oliver Saavedra I watched Leo's video about judgments and I see that is what I'm doing. I'm struggling to break this. I didn't do the exercise Leo asked us to do. 

I'm just in a funk. I'm doing the physical stuff to make myself feel better, eating healthy, being productive etc. It's like I'm avoiding inner work. But I'm doing my isolation retreat Wednesday so I'll be forced to confront myself then.

[Jacobsrw]

8 hours ago, JessiChell said:

@Jacobsrw Yeah, I can see how I isolate myself from social interactions a lot because of this feeling but that's probably why I'm feeling this way. 

Its annoying that the answer is to do it more lol. But I see the relevance. 

Don’t be hard on yourself when you notice these felt inadequacies. Love them, nurture them and strive to understand them. One thing the mind enjoys is self criticism because it is then well entertained. You should watch Leo’s Self Love video. Provides some pretty fundamental approaches to these type of situations.

Another thing, try to always do the very thing you least want to. If you least want to socialise, go do it. If you least want to be caring to yourself, do it. If you least want to mediate, go do it. If you least want to prepare a healthy meal, go do it. You will be surprised how much this will help to breach the inflection point of resistance.

[JessiChell]

@Jacobsrw I will do more of that. (Doing what I dont want to do) 

And I've seen his self-love video. I can rewatch later though. 

[IJB063]

10 hours ago, JessiChell said:

Does anyone else feel drained or lonely after group interactions?

Yeah, that’s called introversion 

I read somewhere introverts are those who gain energy in solitude and that extroverts are people who gain energy via being social

It could just be you are a more introverted person, nothing wrong with that

Edited June 7, 2020 by IJB063

[Jacobsrw]

1 minute ago, JessiChell said:

@Jacobsrw I will do more of that. (Doing what I dont want to do) 

And I've seen his self-love video. I can rewatch later though. 

Be patient with yourself too. The greatest developments often take the greatest work. You’ll get there 

[mandyjw]

Yes, this was a huge area of suffering in my life. I had a somewhat lonely childhood and then chose to almost completely isolate myself after high school while I started a business. I eventually got so depressed that I reached out to a friend and started socializing again. I noticed that I would have an absolute blast, but then after feel this HUGE let down. I realized that spending time with others increased the thoughts I had about myself, and how I fit in with them. There was constant thinking about what they thought of me, and caring a lot about that or thinking about what I thought of them (judgement). When I was alone or working, there was just me and the work, nothing to think about (unless I STILL thought about other people, even then), but also nothing to really challenge my thoughts patterns about self and other. Meditation, spiritual teachings and watching your thoughts will completely change this over time. 

Anyway, it's not the people that drain you, it's the thoughts about you and them.

[JessiChell]

@mandyjw I guess I'm judging them as, "inadequate." Which is a pretty terrible judgement. 

But they aren't. I just dont share similar interests. Maybe I see my interests as "better." 

I'm not sure. They're great people, I just don't enjoy recreational drugs, drinking and people who are not passionate about anything. 

But I guess this is a judgment as well. I know this is all be cause of thinking too much. 

Meditation hasn't been going well lately. I've been caught up in daydreaming. So maybe thoughts are running my life right now. 

[DreamScape]

are they shallow relationships? if so, that makes sense because it would be like you're talking to nobody. 

[JessiChell]

@DreamScape Yes, they are. But i dont know them well yet. 

Leo says we should find girlfriends and go out with them. And they are who I have access to right now. 

It's to get out of the house and meet people. But its draining because its shallow. But how will I find deep relationships if I dont go out? 

You know? Its difficult