I am really tired of my mom

[Chumbimba]

I recently moved back in with my mom which was a mistake. She really makes me angry. I am really sick and tired of her telling me how I need to act and be as a man and how I should treat women and even as a human being. I am 23 and I get treated like I am 7. Constant lectures, complaints, criticisms, negative energy all day long.

 The way she wants me to treat women is like a beta cuck who does everything for them even at the expense of my feelings. Like yesterday my best friend had a girl he likes over my house and she got mad at me and tried to lecture me because she ordered a fucking uber home and she told me I needed to order her one. I JUST MET THIS GIRL YESTERDAY. Why would I spend money on her. 

Do I have deep rooted issues and a history of disrespecting women ? absolutely and I am working on that every day. At the same time I can't heal my problems with women when the main women in my life (my mom)  is projecting all her insecurities about men and her unresolved issues onto me. Having me put women on this god damn pedestal all the time. I love women more than anything on this planet, but that does not mean I need to worship their needs at the cost of how I authentically feel.

Thank you for letting me vent 

[Roy]

Let her project and demand all day long, doesn't mean you have to do what she says . Just ignore it and let it bounce off!

"Yes mom."

"You're right mom."

"Ok mom."

Meanwhile you're doing your own thing haha.

 

[Shiva99]

What holds you back from moving out and taking care of yourself?

[Chumbimba]

@Shiva99 fear

[Preety_India]

 

I would say that you will need to somehow move out. 

It's not healthy of her. 

Get a job and have some money and move out of the place. It's difficult but it can happen. 

 

 

Edited June 6, 2020 by Preety_India

[Arcangelo]

5 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

@Shiva99 fear

Come on, be real

Money is the reason right?

[DreamScape]

9 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

The way she wants me to treat women is like a beta cuck who does everything for them even at the expense of my feelings.

That's because she wants that for herself. she wants a man-maid.

 

9 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

Do I have deep rooted issues and a history of disrespecting women ?

No. she has a history of disrespecting your integrity, authenticity and YOU.

 

9 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

I can't heal my problems with women when the main women in my life (my mom)  is projecting all her insecurities about men and her unresolved issues onto me

You can, although this would require going meta, as Leo puts it. But also separating yourself from the issue so you can contemplate and heal. 

 

9 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

Thank you for letting me vent

Anytime  

Btw.. you not wanting to be around her is already a sign that it's an issue with her. That's your intuition hitting the alarm telling you that something is wrong and needs to be dealt with. 

Edited June 6, 2020 by DreamScape

[Chumbimba]

@Arcangelo its less about having money and more about my mone psychology. I have some money physically and an okay paying job but I need to go back to school so that I can get my degree and make more money. I am deathly afraid of leasing my apartment and not having the rent and getting evicted 

[Arcangelo]

Yeah that's what I think the whole month long: -''I gotta pay rent I gotta pay rent I gotta pay rent I gotta pay rent I gotta pay rent I gotta pay rent''

[dinone]

@Chumbimba Do what you have to do. And more from that house as fast as you can! Just a friendly advice.

[Lyubov]

4 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

@Arcangelo its less about having money and more about my mone psychology. I have some money physically and an okay paying job but I need to go back to school so that I can get my degree and make more money. I am deathly afraid of leasing my apartment and not having the rent and getting evicted 

Have you thought about getting a room with some other people your age? It's a great way to make new friends.

I've been in a similar situation as you before. Be like the water flowing. Set your boundaries but also don't let yourself get triggered. If it is something you can let go, just let it go. If you are being disrespected try to speak up for yourself in a non-aggressive way. Avoid them as much as possible if they are particularly toxic or you feel you need your space. Do chores and help out around the house when you can to avoid scrutiny from them. 

You'll be out on your own in no time so keep your head up

[Chumbimba]

@Lyubov yeah i was almost going to move in with some engineers like myself but my cousin passed and then lockdown hit that same weekend so I have been stuck in California L( but i am going to keep looking more for places 

[Lyubov]

33 minutes ago, Chumbimba said:

@Lyubov yeah i was almost going to move in with some engineers like myself but my cousin passed and then lockdown hit that same weekend so I have been stuck in California L( but i am going to keep looking more for places 

Oh sorry to hear about your cousin. Lockdown has also messed with my plans some for the summer and getting some stuff going for moving as well. Just flow with it. No need to resist and create emotional struggles about it. A lot of opportunity will present itself as things unfold. 

[Arcangelo]

Wow you are an engineer cool sh@t man!

I am college drop out, congrats for becoming an engineer man!

[Chumbimba]

@Arcangelo well still studying to be a software engineer but I am speaking it into existence  

[remember]

@Chumbimba ofc its projection - and its also love. who‘s paying the rent? i mean ofc as long as you live with her she wants you to get aware, that’s the way she is surviving. she probably didn’t have always good experiences with guys and its probably one of her greatest fears that you might develop into someone like that. understand that she is afraid you might give another woman suffering what would probably reflect back on you - she wants you to be someone who is loved even by another woman, that’s actually very insightful and cute. just imagine it was the opposite, imagine it would be an authoritative dad who tells you you have to become a man by treating women like shit. reconsider what you would prefer in that case and give your mom a kiss from me and tell her what a beautiful woman she is! everytime she tells you sth like that hug her. try - maybe it changes the way she acts. you can’t become the person she wants you to be, but you can love her and soothe some of her pains.

Edited June 8, 2020 by remember

[Chumbimba]

@remember We all share the rent. She is too lazy to get a job she talks on the phone all day and does nothing. Thinking some man is going to come and save her and take care of her. I hate her genuinely I do. She is not supportive at all and all I want her to do is love me and she does the complete opposite every time. She wants me to be who she wants me to be and not who I am. And that is the issue. I can be loving to women, but at the same time I am not some people pleasing doormat who just takes shit from people at the expense of my authentic choices. I am moving soon. 

[remember]

1 hour ago, Chumbimba said:

@remember We all share the rent. She is too lazy to get a job she talks on the phone all day and does nothing. Thinking some man is going to come and save her and take care of her. I hate her genuinely I do. She is not supportive at all and all I want her to do is love me and she does the complete opposite every time. She wants me to be who she wants me to be and not who I am. And that is the issue. I can be loving to women, but at the same time I am not some people pleasing doormat who just takes shit from people at the expense of my authentic choices. I am moving soon. 

mhhh i see - it’s probably best to leave the nest. with my parents for example, i see the underlying structure and how a lot of it is self induced suffering but it’s also the dynamics, you can’t change much about her self induced suffering but you can change the dynamics by for example moving out - although if you find a good method you can also influence the suffering dynamics while still at home, because some of these dynamics you will take wherever you go - at one point in life with enough distance you might see. its ok if you can’t take all of that on your shoulders. my parents showed me a lot about what i don’t want a lot about other stuff and a lot not about stuff i‘m still not able to teach myself. i always loved living in shared housing i learned a lot there, too.

Edited June 9, 2020 by remember

[kireet]

@Chumbimba

well , if she is interfering with your life and your actualization , you must have  the courage to move out....

[Vercingetorix]

you can ask yourself: "what does she needs from me?" (she needs attention? love? see that those parts of her that you hate, are childish parts of her that we never given what they needed and so were never transcended, and by helping and giving her them you can help her grow - you can see that she is just a little girl in a woman's body and it can trigger compassion to her )   and when you identify her needs you can give them to her in a way that suits you, that is easy for you to give.