I suck at life

[Aquarius]

Every day I wake up and I think to myself what mess my life is. I wake up around 12-1pm, which means I sleep like freakin 15 hours. (!!!)

I go and eat something, chill around the house, listen to music, watch some videos, maybe hop into the forum to see what's new, meet my boyfriend before he goes in for night shift, and I go to sleep early.

I have no passion going on in my life, nothing seems interesting or worthy to work on. I procrastinated a lot with my art, and on my art course that I'm taking we learn different type of art than I usually work with, which further feeds my depression.

I go to psychologist and together we are working on what should I do with my time and life. There is the option of going to work on a boring job, which, for me at least, would be a blessing because I never had a job and I'd probably be happy with it. Yes, I'd enjoy a job!

On the other hand I'm kinda vulnerable to work stress because I'm recovering from my mental illness, so for a year (minimum) I could get pension salary for my sickness. Which would be a decent pay, not really becoming rich from that little money, but something that would help me calm myself meanwhile I work on my other projects that I enjoy, which later I could make into businesses. 

Idk I really suck at life though. Never really had a job and I'm 22 already. The other kids I hung out with are either finishing university or have a job by now, some of them in another better country.

What should I do? Any other options for me? Does the pension salary plan seem like a good idea? I genuinely don't know if I'm able to work, at least not right now till im fully recovering. I could try getting a job but I wouldn't risk getting in hospital again. I mean meh, I already got used to those people there.. But still.  

Also trying a new job could be a success. I never tried working anywhere so maybe I'm actually a hard-worker individual just don't know it yet?

 

Edited June 5, 2020 by Aquarius

[Average Investor]

I would work towards getting to the root cause of your depression. Research micro nutrients, water purification, clean eating, heavy metal detoxing, and make sure you are getting plenty of exercise and sun. If you are not getting enough sunlight you like most people are vitamin D deficient, which I would recommend look into. That would be the the category of micro nutrients as well. 

How about for a change your stop yourself, when you are having those thoughts. Think about how good it is to have the experience at all. Think of how thankful you might be for things like your boyfriend and other things that are going well. I'd bet you have quite a bit of good stuff going for you to be thankful for. 

Work on the internal issues first, then start focusing in on what you can do externally. You are really young and have a lot of time to build skills and develop a life purpose. 

[SerpaeTetra]

I would take a risk and get a part-time job if you never had one.  It will force you to have more structure than you do right now and keeping busy is a good way to not let your mind wonder so much.  Don't take the job too seriously though or get upset if it doesn't work out well.  There is always another one around the corner.  

[ajasatya]

@Aquarius You can use your time to get really good at something.

Do you like drawing? Enroll in a hard drawing course.
Do you like dancing? Take dancing classes that will make you ask yourself if you really like it and then win it day after day by continuing dancing.

Challenge yourself! The human creature degrades from the lack of challenge.

[Preety_India]

 

You need time for recovery.. You can collect the pension during this time. 

Go somewhere on weekends with your boyfriend to relieve the stress. 

Be easy on yourself. Have patience. You will emerge strong out of all this but it will need time.. 

 

[Roy]

I'd recommend getting a part-time job somewhere immediately @Aquarius, doesn't matter where really. It will be a nice balance that will force some structure on your life which you need right now (waking up on time for something). It will give you a sense of purpose and momentum, and also give you the chance to learn to value your free-time while you earn some money to hopefully save for more important things in the future. Right now not having any obligations is just making you feel aimless and depressed, and therefore useless. Take the challenge of instilling some discipline, you'll thank yourself later.

Don't give any energy towards the thoughts of comparing yourself to other people your age, our minds tend to sabotage our own self-worth that way. You'll always be able to find someone "better" at life than you to compare yourself too and make yourself feel shitty. It's not what you need right now so cut it.

You are on your own journey and are simply at where you're at, and that's OK  !

 

Edited June 6, 2020 by Roy

[Ya know]

Get into basic self help. You have 0 structure, its no wonder you're depressed. Read Awaken the giant within, unlimited power, the slight edge, can't hurt me, 12 rules for life.

Honestly Jordan Peterson would be the best thing for you. You're at the stage where you think life is miserable and his insights will coincide with your reality. Listen to him and do what he tells you. 

Also get a job. Doesn't matter what it is. Start working, that will give you self confidence and a reason to live. Build your habits around that structure. 

[Ya know]

Also plant based diet (not vegan, just way more vegetables), meditate twice a day 20 minutes, journal in the morning, regular sun, exercise everyday and schedule out your days.

[hyruga]

Yeah watch Jordan Peterson video and read his 12 rules for life. It's a contemporary book for current generations.

[Aquarius]

17 hours ago, Average Investor said:

I would work towards getting to the root cause of your depression. Research micro nutrients, water purification, clean eating, heavy metal detoxing, and make sure you are getting plenty of exercise and sun. If you are not getting enough sunlight you like most people are vitamin D deficient, which I would recommend look into. That would be the the category of micro nutrients as well. 

How about for a change your stop yourself, when you are having those thoughts. Think about how good it is to have the experience at all. Think of how thankful you might be for things like your boyfriend and other things that are going well. I'd bet you have quite a bit of good stuff going for you to be thankful for. 

Work on the internal issues first, then start focusing in on what you can do externally. You are really young and have a lot of time to build skills and develop a life purpose. 

You're really saying something with the micronutrients thing.. I bet I suck at those too and should get some bloodwork checked.

I'm a very grateful individual by the way. I am grateful for many things, I just tend to be more severe with my expectation from myself. I don't expect much of others and I'm quite empathic no matter what, but with myself that's the way I work because if I am too forgiving of myself I would never take my life seriously. I'm starting to wake up to all the time I wasted that could have been used to do different things. Today, for example.. I spent time starting reading a book from Leo's success list from the book list and it motivated me enough to start drawing. The drawings were shit af but i didnt give up and I was happy I did start somewhere. 

I am grateful for my family for being this understanding and supporting my ideas. I am grateful for my boyfriend and how he sees me as The One. I am grateful I can eat every day and drink fresh water. I am grateful I was born healthy and can enjoy life like most people without disabilities (my respect goes out to the disabled too!). I am grateful for other luxuries like a laptop, a smartphone, Kindle bookreader and Wacom tablet. And many smaller things I notice every day. 

Maybe getting a job is not the most important thing in the world right now. I can get a job anytime. There are no part-time job options sadly, just full-time ones. 

[Aquarius]

@SerpaeTetra Right. I had a part-time job to deliver newspapers and it was a mess. I didn't like it at all. The town I'm living in in certain areas is like a village, and I got attacked by dogs and got into scary places where I didn't even know where I am and I barely found the way back home because it was night by when I finished. And I even got fired because I delivered the newspaper elsewhere accidentally. It was a mess.. And I did the work of 2 people paid as for 1..

I don't know about other part-time jobs unless I would sell cosmetics, but who would buy? I have no friends or nearby women. 

The only options I have is factory work, cook's helper, bartender and supermarket worker. All full time. 

[Aquarius]

@ajasatya I could use my time to enroll in courses, yes. Tons of art courses. 

And as @Preety_India said, I could get the pension and use it to pay for my courses. Since I am not able to work as of now. Learning from home, maybe from Udemy would be an option. 

[Average Investor]

@Aquarius

53 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

I bet I suck at those too and should get some bloodwork checked.

Get it checked for sure. Keep in mind though that the average person they're comparing you to is not healthy at all. I am not sure how healthy in your country, but here in the US the average person is nearly obese and is not healthy. 

I like to clean up my environment, when I get stuck in a rut too. It makes me feel a lot better and gets my energy going well. Give that a shot and see how you feel. 

[StarStruck]

How was your mother? Was she judging you a lot? It seems you judge yourself too much. I would start there. Judging yourself has zero positive influence on you so stop that shit. 

[K VIL]

dont overthink your life and start improving it little by little.

or make a big change-- your choice.

[LastThursday]

On 05/06/2020 at 5:17 PM, Aquarius said:

I have no passion going on in my life, nothing seems interesting or worthy to work on.

That's not true. You have a passion for changing your life for the better. You are working on yourself - that's very worthy.

[Focus Shift]

@Aquarius There was a period where I didn't do anything productive for around 6 months. I was suicidal and depressed. It got to a point where I just couldn't take it any more and went back to creating art and videos You just have to try different things, take up classes, courses, etc.  I mean hell there's courses for 10 dollars on udemy on virtually anything. A lot of people struggle with direction so you're not alone. Like Leo says always do what's emotionally most difficult!! 

 

[universe]

You are stuck in your life right now because you are attached to it.

Let go of procrastination, let go of becoming rich, let go of comparing yourself with others, let go of your beliefs.

And ultimately, let go of your depression and what makes you depressed.

 

Thats what I would focus on now. Dont try to add more stuff, instead try to let it all go. Say good bye to it, lovingly. And fully embrace what is coming next.