Sexual Repression

[IJB063]

So although Freud was a cokehead, and said some pretty goofy stuff about the fact we have an unconscious mind is because we have this oedipal complex and we secretly want to kill our father’s and fuck our mothers.

Sigmund still did build the basic foundation of what psychology is today.

Two of Sigmund’s focuses, that I want to focus on in this post, were sexual repression and sublimation.

Now Freud had this basic idea that all energy and will is sexual in nature.

What Freud argues is that we suppress into our unconscious mind things that are taboo, anti social, depraved etc… and these repression’s would appear in the form of neuroses.

To get over these neuroses you had to work out where they came from and once that was figured out then they would some how cease to be.

Now this is where sublimation comes in, as when we were young we would push down these stigmatised anti social desires into our unconscious, where they would then incubate and reverse into pro social traits, that would reappear in what we choose to do later in life e.g. science or art.

This is why if you know anything about Freudian analysis, there was a popular school of thought in the 60s and 70s to look at art, and analyse it as there was this basic idea that all works of art were manifestations of the suppressed sex drive.

Now there was a famous French writer called Honoré de Balzac who said something along the lines that every time he had sex “there goes another novel”, because he’d lost that will and creativity that comes from the suppressed sexual drive.

Which brings me back around to the point I’m trying to make in this post.

Is sexual repression a bad thing?

Now we’d say gorging yourself with food is probably bad. We’d say snorting a mountain of cocaine like our old friend Freud is probably bad. We’d say overindulging in anything is probably a bad thing.

Why?

Because it’s base and hedonic, which destroys your will and desensitises you to life.

Why then don’t we apply that same logic, when we say give up junk food, stop watching tv, stop gambling, stop doing drugs etc… to stop seeking meaningless sex, stop watching porn etc…

As you rarely see that, even among those who pride themselves on actualisation. Instead what you see is, people who say its completely normal to indulge in sexual thoughts, lets all be open about sex, have sex before marriage, follow your instincts, follow your heart etc...

Considering, back to Freud, that all energy is sexual, and the reason, from a biological perspective we’re here is to fuck and die, why would you deprive yourself ever of the main will to life, which is your sexual libido, the very essence and core of your will, especially as a man.

What all our drives and instincts focus around is getting us as animals, to the point that we pass on our genes, and the main mechanism for this is our sex drive. Why would we ever chip away at that? As by chipping away at that we are simultaneously chipping away at our will to pursue more important things such as art etc...

Our sex drive is arguably what gives us the will to do anything in the first place.

This is why I’d argue in large part we have so many castrated men and masculinised women today, because we've been left to indulge our sexual deviances and desires following the birth control pill, sexual liberation and ubiquitous pornography. Thereby we’ve avoided the necessary pro social process of sublimation and deteriorated our will to pursue that in life which is important. That's why I believe if your going to self actualise a certain level of asceticism has to be achieved, especially when it comes to your sexuality, so avoid sexual depictions of women, avoid meaningless sex, until you've built yourself up as a man to the point that your will is strong enough to not overindulge, and then you can have purposeful sexual relationships in moderation, if the special woman comes around, you know the car, kids, dog scenario, if that's what you want, you can have it, once you've self actualised. But really my main point is this, its possible that perhaps religious nuts are right, that you should repress sex, and this is why the repression of sexuality is a common trend amongst all successful civilizations, as the repression of sex will help the individual become creative and successful, and the society to be creative and make breakthroughs and maintain a healthy social conventions. 

Here are some quotes that relate :-

"Lust indulged became habit, and habit unresisted became necessity" - Aristotle

"Through self discipline comes freedom" - Aristotle

"There is no medicine for people whose vices become habits" - Seneca

"As rain pours through poorly thatched roofs, so does desire overwhelm the undeveloped mind." - The Buddha

"I have yet to meet a man who is as fond of virtue as he is of women." - Confucius

"The difference between the worldly and the saintly … depends solely on the elimination or not of sexual desire." - Buddha

 

So to wrap up :-

Is sexual repression a bad thing?

Should we avoid sex, and sexual thoughts?

Because you'd expect sex to be so fundamental to an organism, so completely central, more so than just obeying ideology of your society. That to ever chip away at it should probably be seen as a bad thing, especially in terms of self actualisation.

[Preety_India]

 

Oh God, no, not at all. 

Sex is the primordial. The energy. 

I use sexual energy daily to get my motivation. I don't need to watch porn or anything like that. But yea, masturbation can be a part of it. 

I call it tantric energy. 

It's the creative force. 

Sexual force is more powerful than any other motivating force in the world. 

Imagine if your lover told you to do something. You'd do it instantly because it's central to your life. 

Sexual energy is like a spell. 

When wantonly used for mindless masturbation to porn or for Promiscuity, you waste it away for nothing but instant pleasure and tiredness. It kinda becomes counter productive because you tire yourself out and some people lose interest in sex because of over doing it, they get bored. 

Instead it can be used efficiently to motivate yourself, so no need to no fap and all the associated complex guilt but use it to your advantage by using it to motivate yourself to be a better matured person.. 

Now I'll say there are better uses for sex than entertainment of the body parts and dopamine release 

These are 

1 Sex used for procreation which is the fundamental use of sex. This is obvious. 

2 Sex for calming negative energy, growing intimacy and having a positive relationship with the opposite gender. Growing loving feelings. 

3 Sex for tantric energy for daily motivation. Using it as a motivating creative force. Sexual energy is the primordial energy 

4 Sex can be used to heal inner repression that came from trauma or by negative input during teenage years. For example in catholic systems or cults, there could be a demonization of sex leading to psychological issues. Such people can feel uncomfortable or just hate society and life knowing that everything is rooted in sex. This will need to be healed by sex itself. For such people, sex can serve as a therapy to cure the inner dissonance or discomfort or shadow. They can rid the shadow with the use of sexual energy. 

5 Sex for Openness. I've seen in my experience that when I'm having sex or feeling sexy or sexual, I have more Openness than usual. I also observe this in other people. People who don't have loving comforting nurturing sex can tend to be more aggressive and less open to other people, less generous or welcoming. They are like stuck up. Sex releases hormones that creates the energy of Openness. 

So those were my 5 ways in which sex can be used positively. 

Also how you use sex is important. 

1 if you have loving nurturing comforting sex it makes you a more patient calm caring gentle person. 

2 if you have sex in a violent way, where it is about torturing someone for pleasure or utilizing them as a toy or object and sort of disrespecting them while the sex is going on, it leads to feelings of hate or aggression and the person who indulges in such sex via actual sex or porn ends up becoming more aggressive. 

So 5 uses and the 2 ways of having sex or using sexual energy in life. 

 

 

 

[IJB063]

@Preety_India

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

call it tantric energy. 

It's the creative force. 

Sexual force is more powerful than any other motivating force in the world. 

Imagine if your lover told you to do something. You'd do it instantly because it's central to your life. 

Sexual energy is like a spell. 

When wantonly used for mindless masturbation to porn or for Promiscuity, you waste it away for nothing but instant pleasure and tiredness. It kinda becomes counter productive because you tire yourself out and some people lose interest in sex because of over doing it, they get bored. 

“Sexual force is more powerful than any other motivating force in the world.”

Yeah that’s my point

Therefore shouldn’t we not waste it

E.g. Your wasting that energy when you mindless masturbate to porn or if you’re promiscuous

Because it’s just instant pleasure at the expense of your energy, as you say you just tire yourself and lose interest in other things, but you don’t just lose interest in sex, but even your energy to go out and make something or be successful 

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

2 Sex for calming negative energy, growing intimacy and having a positive relationship with the opposite gender. Growing loving feelings. 

Yes, this is why when you use your sexual energy it should be with someone you actually care about, and not waste it

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

3 Sex for tantric energy for daily motivation. Using it as a motivating creative force. Sexual energy is the primordial energy 

Yeah, you don’t want to waste that energy, I believe the frustration and the strong desire to have sexual relief and gratification is part of building up that sexual will, because then that sexual energy goes into other aspects of your life

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

4 Sex can be used to heal inner repression that came from trauma or by negative input during teenage years. For example in catholic systems or cults, there could be a demonization of sex leading to psychological issues. Such people can feel uncomfortable or just hate society and life knowing that everything is rooted in sex. This will need to be healed by sex itself. For such people, sex can serve as a therapy to cure the inner dissonance or discomfort or shadow. They can rid the shadow with the use of sexual energy. 

I don’t think those people who demonise sex or are puritans necessarily have to waste their sexual energy to cure their psychological issues, they can instead just change their beliefs and how they see the world. Though sex can help with the shadow, I don’t doubt that.

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

5 Sex for Openness. I've seen in my experience that when I'm having sex or feeling sexy or sexual, I have more Openness than usual. I also observe this in other people. People who don't have loving comforting nurturing sex can tend to be more aggressive and less open to other people, less generous or welcoming. They are like stuck up. Sex releases hormones that creates the energy of Openness. 

This definitely makes sense, but it still should be in moderation with a woman or man that you actually have an interest in as a person, not just as a piece of meat, that way you preserve that energy.

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

So those were my 5 ways in which sex can be used positively. 

Yes, but all the come at the expense of your sexual will and energy which should always be kept in your mind.

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

1 if you have loving nurturing comforting sex it makes you a more patient calm caring gentle person. 

2 if you have sex in a violent way, where it is about torturing someone for pleasure or utilizing them as a toy or object and sort of disrespecting them while the sex is going on, it leads to feelings of hate or aggression and the person who indulges in such sex via actual sex or porn ends up becoming more aggressive. 

And the 2 point you made there I can relate to, which is why I’ve stop using porn or just chasing random girls, because I was becoming more violent and aggressive (not in a good way)

Because it cheapens the sex act, and perverts you 

You stop looking at people as people and instead just purely sexually, as basically just pieces of meat 

Ironically when you stop indulging in sexual thoughts, and sex you don’t become more desperate and needy, you actually become less perverted because you regain your libido and start seeing people as people, this is the reason I made this post because you can’t really self actualise and also waste your sexually energy and will, because what your doing is making yourself a weaker person

Edited June 5, 2020 by IJB063

[Preety_India]

 

 

41 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

@Preety_India

“Sexual force is more powerful than any other motivating force in the world.”

Yeah that’s my point

Therefore shouldn’t we not waste it

E.g. Your wasting that energy when you mindless masturbate to porn or if you’re promiscuous

Because it’s just instant pleasure at the expense of your energy, as you say you just tire yourself and lose interest in other things, but you don’t just lose interest in sex, but even your energy to go out and make something or be successful 

Yea this is exactly what I meant.. 

41 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

Yes, this is why when you use your sexual energy it should be with someone you actually care about, and not waste it

Yes when I say intimacy it is not with someone just general or anyone, it means with your lover or a person who you care or consider your soulmate. Only then the sex becomes really and truly loving. It's sexual love with your soulmate and not just a random expending of sexual energy. 

41 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

Yeah, you don’t want to waste that energy, I believe the frustration and the strong desire to have sexual relief and gratification is part of building up that sexual will, because then that sexual energy goes into other aspects of your life

Yea pent up energy needs to be spent. But not for just gratification. For motivation. You're imagining your lover rather than imagining random porn. Not that there is anything wrong with it. For example if my boyfriend is not around or in another city, I don't use porn but I imagine him. Because I don't want it to be random for gratification sake. I want it to be to motivate me to be better for him. I hope that makes sense. 

41 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

I don’t think those people who demonise sex or are puritans necessarily have to waste their sexual energy to cure their psychological issues, they can instead just change their beliefs and how they see the world. Though sex can help with the shadow, I don’t doubt that.

I think changing a belief is not that easy when you have fear of change itself. However if these people are given the experience of sex as therapy, I think it will bring a major shift in their perspective on sex. They will change instantly to the point of tears. It can serve as a life changer. The only thing needed is their willingness to undergo such a therapy. Most of these people never had sex or had sex in dysfunctional ways that changed or shaped their perspective at early stages of life. 

So to gradually acclimatize them to the idea of having sex real time and helping them with it is a great way of liberating them from their fears. 

It's direct exposure therapy. 

Some healers do this 

41 minutes ago, IJB063 said:

This definitely makes sense, but it still should be in moderation with a woman or man that you actually have an interest in as a person, not just as a piece of meat, that way you preserve that energy.

Yes, but all the come at the expense of your sexual will and energy which should always be kept in your mind.

And the 2 point you made there I can relate to, which is why I’ve stop using porn or just chasing random girls, because I was becoming more violent and aggressive (not in a good way)

Because it cheapens the sex act, and perverts you 

You stop looking at people as people and instead just purely sexually, as basically just pieces of meat 

Ironically when you stop indulging in sexual thoughts, and sex you don’t become more desperate and needy, you actually become less perverted because you regain your libido and start seeing people as people, this is the reason I made this post because you can’t really self actualise and also waste your sexually energy and will, because what your doing is making yourself a weaker person

Completely agree with this. 

(I will add your insights in my journal) 

[IJB063]

 

@Preety_India

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Yea this is exactly what I meant.. 

Good stuff, we agree for once lol

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Yes when I say intimacy it is not with someone just general or anyone, it means with your lover or a person who you care or consider your soulmate. Only then the sex becomes really and truly loving. It's sexual love with your soulmate and not just a random expending of sexual energy. 

Amen

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Yea pent up energy needs to be spent. But not for just gratification. For motivation. You're imagining your lover rather than imagining random porn. Not that there is anything wrong with it. For example if my boyfriend is not around or in another city, I don't use porn but I imagine him. Because I don't want it to be random for gratification sake. I want it to be to motivate me to be better for him. I hope that makes sense. 

No it’s always for gratification and relief, the only reason you allow it is because you’re to weak to stop yourself, if you really wanted the motivation you would endure

Yeah it makes sense, and it means that you actually have a connection to the person that you’re intimate with and not just base hedonism

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I think changing a belief is not that easy when you have fear of change itself. However if these people are given the experience of sex as therapy, I think it will bring a major shift in their perspective on sex. They will change instantly to the point of tears. It can serve as a life changer. The only thing needed is their willingness to undergo such a therapy. Most of these people never had sex or had sex in dysfunctional ways that changed or shaped their perspective at early stages of life. 

So to gradually acclimatize them to the idea of having sex real time and helping them with it is a great way of liberating them from their fears. 

It's direct exposure therapy. 

Some healers do this 

Maybe you’re right, I have no experience with this so I can’t really give an educated opinion

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Completely agree with this. 

(I will add your insights in my journal) 

Awesome ?

[Lyubov]

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Also how you use sex is important. 

1 if you have loving nurturing comforting sex it makes you a more patient calm caring gentle person. 

2 if you have sex in a violent way, where it is about torturing someone for pleasure or utilizing them as a toy or object and sort of disrespecting them while the sex is going on, it leads to feelings of hate or aggression and the person who indulges in such sex via actual sex or porn ends up becoming more aggressive. 

I have a more Laissez faire approach to this. It should be done consciously but I don't have a problem with the plethora of fantasies and emotional ways people engage in sex as long as it is consensual and legal. I think we too often find ourselves secretly judging and wrapping shame around all the ways people choose to enjoy sex. We will approach it with judgement, a protector mindset, a critical one or as a perfectionist of how it should be to be the most healthy expression.... all because someone has a thought or an emotion that may be seen as objectionable. It's fine if someone wants to have more detached or aggressive sex. It can actually be cathartic to acknowledge those desires and if done so consciously, play with them through sex and masturbation. I often times find myself wondering if there is something wrong with me sexually because I enjoy porn so much... there isn't, wrapping stringent expectations about what should bring one pleasure through sex is just another form of toxic shame since it is usually this emotion which is the container or boundaries of sorts for these standards. It is not what I would call healthy shame. Fully embrace, accept and love oneself regardless of what desires of energies of the sexual nature one might be carrying. Healthy shame around sex would be the ability to distinguish mistakes that bring on pain to another and making amends for it. I can't see myself applying the same standard to someone exercising what is essentially their imagination or consensual play that doesn't live up to some sort of purity standard. 

Edited June 5, 2020 by Lyubov