Does anyone else feel insecure about being single?

[hamedsf]

singleness period is the best time frame to fix some faulty mind patterns (just related to this matter) so if you think being single makes you feel like an inferior person, think twice and fix it, don't demand it from a girl.

[Onemanwolfpac]

On 05/06/2020 at 4:01 AM, Lyubov said:

I have been single for a while and sometimes I feel pressured by family and friends to get married and settle down. I'm almost 30. Most people my age that I know are either married or in a LTR. I really enjoy dating around and I want more passion and sex with multiple partners and am def interested in deep intimacy as well, maybe even polyamory. Thing is I feel my family judges me for this and I feel insecure around them when they talk about relationships and marriage, feel like I'm the ugly duckling. Anyone else here can relate to these feelings?

I didn't click bio to see if your male or female. My advice would differ particularly IF you want children. 

Similar to you, i felt something off putting at Wedding's or group events that are all couples. I noticed I would want to leave. I was unaware of anxieties. I have done a lot self actualization work. I am better now. 

South park had a episode of kid couples acting like married couples with purity rings and being lame watching greys. Its a silly cartoon but it points out truths and makes comedy of the situations.

If you want kids, biological clock is real. Don't rush in but use common sense. I see bios online and it reads, "want kids some day" and they aren't young. More off putting when searching for "casual." 

Many of my friends are married or engaged. I am a bachelor. I LOVE IT. I am actively dating in pandemic but, I put myself out Lots. I met girls today at the park walking my dog. I met girl's yesterday running. I can't stress the importance of staying fit and making moves especially as you get older. 

Its pandemic. Guess what? People aren't isolated in riots nor protest's. Dating is about to explode. Where I would envy married friends before, they admire my freedom now. Its all perspective. 

One of my mates wants to get married after a lifetime of modeling and being Playboy. He smashed hundreds of girls. He now "found God" and wants a wife. Its a crazy 180. Enjoy the journey. 

Edited June 10, 2020 by Onemanwolfpac

[Onemanwolfpac]

1 hour ago, Keyhole said:

I feel bad already for his future wife...  Maybe God will be merciful, and he will find no one to marry as divine karmic retribution for being a player and for being promiscuous.

A girl can dream.

Hijabs, hijabs for everyone. 

If a woman sleeps with ten men from 16 to 26, she's at 100 body count. In the modern era, probably more. More common is rants that men are insecure for not wanting high body count despite the countless stats that guarantee divorce and likely infidelity. 

This is called delusional. Read again. Model. When I say he smashed hundreds and hundreds of models, pageant winners, fitness models. We went clubbing once and a girl rolled her window down to blow him. You are shaming him. How about these women who only wanted him because of how he looks? 

Today, he is a new man. He found God. He doesn't do casual sex, porn or fap anymore. Its barely recognizable. Its funny you make hijab jokes. He was Muslim and once said, "treat women like dog!" Spent decades pumping and dumping. 

Today, he quotes scripture. Praises God. Currently, he is in solitude. He is a good man. Good heart. The world wanted him because of how he looks. Women worshiped him. He was paid money on looks. 

He is a brother from another mother. I couldn't be more Happy for him. He describes the experience like having died and been born again.

One of the more disgusting aspects in "spiritual" communities is the judgE, holier then thou high horse. Its jealousy and ego. 

 

Try to breathe and let go of that resentment. Its not good for you. Maybe you can find peace and happiness like playboy!

[Onemanwolfpac]

58 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

@Onemanwolfpac

"I used to abuse children, hundreds, now I found God and want a child."

"I used to be a scam artist, scammed hundreds of old people out of their savings.  Now I am going to be a philanthropist."

"I used to kick puppies but now I've found God and decided to become a professional breeder."

That's not how this works.  You mistreat other people, that karma is still there.  Hiding behind God doesn't absolve a person of their previous misdeeds.  God is within feedback loops, cause and effect.

He doesn't deserve a wife, and even if he finds one, that karma will come back on him.  Maybe not initially, bit eventually what goes around comes around and thank goodness for that. 

It's interesting how you tell me not to judge and then do just so.  I'm very blunt.  Very little hipocracy from me.  You on the other hand... Not so much.

My openness and genuineness does put me in a different position than other spiritual folks because I talk the talk and walk the walk.

What you're describing doesn't sound like a genuine spiritual rebirth.  It sounds like the ego version of it.  In fact, I can almost guarantee that is exactly what it is.

(My last comment here because it is getting off topic, however I don't appreciate you fixing up your friend as an image of a player, then when called out on the negatives of that lifestyle, to fix the image of him as a victim of his own beauty.  That isn't genuine, it's an image maintaining tactic and I don't buy it.  Not for one second.

On top of this, the attempt to shame me i.e. the word "disgusting" while claiming that doing so is wrong, but only in the context of image maintenance?  Not falling for it.

That's your opinion lol. 

Models don't have trouble finding attraction. Its people like this that make communities off putting. 

When he gets married and has a dozen kids, I'll bump this. Hopefully, you will have found someone by then and put your bitterness down. Its not attractive. 

[Forestluv]

1 hour ago, Keyhole said:

 

That's not how this works.  You mistreat other people, that karma is still there.  Hiding behind God doesn't absolve a person of their previous misdeeds. 

I see this in one context, yet there is another context.

As a personal example, when I was young I had a drinking problem and mistreated some people along the way. When I stopped drinking and went into recovery, it was very tempting to say that I “was turning my life over to god” and wash myself of all my prior misdeeds. Yet as you say, there was still karma. I couldn’t just say “I’ve found god and all my past mistreatments are washed away”.

There is also work involved for purifying away that karmic load and ime, it’s important to allow safe space for those genuinely wanting to clear away that past karma. For example, if people around me shamed me for my past mistreatments I would not have looked at it. Rather, I was told that I had underlying problematic issues that were leading me to behave in ways that were mistreating others. Yet I had to spend a lot of time self-reflecting, writing and working with others to gain clarity. As well, I went back and made amends to those I mistreated. These were keys for me toward purifying that past karma, yet I needed some support around me to do it. If I was shamed for it, I wouldn’t have done it. . . Yet this of course assumes that the person genuinely wants to clear themself of negative karma they are carrying. 

[Forestluv]

21 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

 

@Serotoninluv  I have a good pattern processing ability and am highly suspicious that the guy Wolf mentions here is doing that.

Sometimes if someone is utilising God as a way to hide behind misdeeds, then shame is what is needed to pull them out of it.  Often times people realise they have done something wrong and run to God to absolve themselves of true responsibility.

Also, why should the perpetrator be handled with kid gloves?  That seems too idealistic for most situations.

I agree with you. That is why I stressed that what I was saying is only relevant in the context of someone that is genuinely trying to learn, grow and purify past karmic loads. In other contexts, this would not apply - such as the context you describe. In that context, what I wrote would actually be enabling a person and be counter-productive. 

[Lyubov]

10 hours ago, Keyhole said:

@Onemanwolfpac

"I used to abuse children, hundreds, now I found God and want a child."

"I used to be a scam artist, scammed hundreds of old people out of their savings.  Now I am going to be a philanthropist."

"I used to kick puppies but now I've found God and decided to become a professional breeder."

That's not how this works.  You mistreat other people, that karma is still there.  Hiding behind God doesn't absolve a person of their previous misdeeds.  God is within feedback loops, cause and effect.

He doesn't deserve a wife, and even if he finds one, that karma will come back on him.  Maybe not initially, bit eventually what goes around comes around and thank goodness for that. 

It's interesting how you tell me not to judge and then do just so.  I'm very blunt.  Very little hipocracy from me.  You on the other hand... Not so much.

My openness and genuineness does put me in a different position than other spiritual folks because I talk the talk and walk the walk.

What you're describing doesn't sound like a genuine spiritual rebirth.  It sounds like the ego version of it.  In fact, I can almost guarantee that is exactly what it is.

(My last comment here because it is getting off topic, however I don't appreciate you fixing up your friend as an image of a player, then when called out on the negatives of that lifestyle, to fix the image of him as a victim of his own beauty.  That isn't genuine, it's an image maintaining tactic and I don't buy it.  Not for one second.

On top of this, the attempt to shame me i.e. the word "disgusting" while claiming that doing so is wrong, but only in the context of image maintenance?  Not falling for it.

you have come off quite toxic in here tbh 

your original post had some truth to it but you're now just sort of projecting out your own stuff

[Onemanwolfpac]

11 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

I see this in one context, yet there is another context.

As a personal example, when I was young I had a drinking problem and mistreated some people along the way. When I stopped drinking and went into recovery, it was very tempting to say that I “was turning my life over to god” and wash myself of all my prior misdeeds. Yet as you say, there was still karma. I couldn’t just say “I’ve found god and all my past mistreatments are washed away”.

There is also work involved for purifying away that karmic load and ime, it’s important to allow safe space for those genuinely wanting to clear away that past karma. For example, if people around me shamed me for my past mistreatments I would not have looked at it. Rather, I was told that I had underlying problematic issues that were leading me to behave in ways that were mistreating others. Yet I had to spend a lot of time self-reflecting, writing and working with others to gain clarity. As well, I went back and made amends to those I mistreated. These were keys for me toward purifying that past karma, yet I needed some support around me to do it. If I was shamed for it, I wouldn’t have done it. . . Yet this of course assumes that the person genuinely wants to clear themself of negative karma they are carrying. 

I never seen a 180 like this. I thought he was trolling or had some play going. Its genuine. Good on you dropping the booze. I have one buddy who is unable to shake it. AA is helpful but with covid, i think he and others are off the wagon. Since the riots, maybe it will open again along with businesses. 

I am not exactly sure what if any penance or negative karma is involved. If anything, he was taken advantage of based on looks and aesthetics. The details I toned down but, women threw themselves at him. In the modern era, the notion isn't to judge women, and yet fuck boys are hated on despite the fact, they were pursued. Pursued more than pursuing one could argue. Furthermore I think it kicks off the "pain-body" for a lot of girls because playboy represents some character from the past. 

I am not aware of the way of karma nor will I attempt to make any guess. I do think it gets butchered in western society. I have read a book called the yoga sutras which I found fascinating. 

[Onemanwolfpac]

2 hours ago, Lyubov said:

you have come off quite toxic in here tbh 

your original post had some truth to it but you're now just sort of projecting out your own stuff

I concur but in her defense, I brought up my playboy buddy who "found God" after smashing hundreds of girls. It might have set off a pain body and i suspect it did. You see it a lot on tinder or app bios "no fuck boys." Matt Hussey argued that its ideal to portray one's qualities rather then projecting one's wounds but i digress. 

Returning back to your scenario of single life, how is it going? When you accept whatever you feel, does it subside? As in, you feel that discomfort, breathe into, acknowledge that, and let go. No identification to it? Not easy but worth a try. 

You reminded me of a situation. Years ago, my mates invited me out for drinks. I thought that it was a guys night out. Boy, I was wrong. Everyone showed up with their new gf. I was like 16th wheel. The worst. To make matters worse, I made some bold statements not very PC just as the music cut out. It was radio silence. All I could do was turn into the skid. I said, "tough crowd!" Everyone laughed. I hit on a waitress. Was a good night. Life is what you make of it. 

[Lyubov]

2 minutes ago, Onemanwolfpac said:

I concur but in her defense, I brought up my playboy buddy who "found God" after smashing hundreds of girls. It might have set off a pain body and i suspect it did.

Hmm yeah fair enough 

 

[Espaim]

I can't relate really. But I'll share my perspective as it will maybe give you a greater breadth of perspectives.

Never had any relationship or sex. Not even the basic things like holding hands. Still, I don't feel the insecurities people of my age generally feel when they're this way because I don't have the burning desire to try those things. I tried to dig deep on psychedelics to see if I'm repressing something but nothing relevant came out.

Quote

 I feel pressured by family and friends to get married and settle down

Well, there it goes. This pressure is self-created. There's no absolute need to have someone to be married or settle down as a rule in the universe. This seems to be a fear of loneliness projected as pressure. You may dig deeper and find what's the core issue that causes this feeling. Because I have no access into your psyche. Even if someone in your family said this straight: "you should find someone to settle down with", you still have the choice to impose this request in yourself or not.

Quote

Thing is I feel my family judges me for this and I feel insecure around them when they talk about relationships and marriage, feel like I'm the ugly duckling.

Is there a problem in being a ugly duckling?

In a objective or absolute sense, if you get what I mean?

How does it feel to be an ugly duckling?

Edited July 28, 2020 by Espaim

[Danioover9000]

@Lyubov

On 6/5/2020 at 7:31 AM, Lyubov said:

I have been single for a while and sometimes I feel pressured by family and friends to get married and settle down. I'm almost 30. Most people my age that I know are either married or in a LTR. I really enjoy dating around and I want more passion and sex with multiple partners and am def interested in deep intimacy as well, maybe even polyamory. Thing is I feel my family judges me for this and I feel insecure around them when they talk about relationships and marriage, feel like I'm the ugly duckling. Anyone else here can relate to these feelings?

   I can relate to the feeling. However, over time I don't care as much for the single statues and the loneliness. That extra time and energy goes to building myself up, instead of worrying about what other people think of me. 

[Kalki Avatar]

@Lyubov I had. It can be caused  unknowingly by external influences such as friends, social media and your Investment (too much pickup).

Solution: Stop everything Related to dating at least for a month, be alone and read osho. 

Edited July 29, 2020 by Kalki Avatar

[Arcangelo]

@Onemanwolfpac  EVERYBODY knows that you are MeetJoeBlack.

I am glad you are back bro!

Edited July 29, 2020 by Arcangelo
Bro

[Danioover9000]

@Arcangelo

On 7/29/2020 at 4:25 AM, Arcangelo said:

@Onemanwolfpac  EVERYBODY knows that you are MeetJoeBlack.

I am glad you are back bro!

   Don't spoil the secret