Emotions Journal

[Pelin]

My aim to start this journal is to keep a track of my emotions and therefore become more mindful of them.

Shock

I say "nothing can surprise me anymore."

Then, 

All I hear is bombs and explosions.

All I see is people following an illusion.

I am suddenly  a "treator" cause I don't choose a side.

All I can feel is shock.

 

[Pelin]

Fear.

Fear what the future brings.

Trapped in the future and paralyzed.

Feeling so small and vulnerable, not being able to impact.

And to impact whom? There's nothing to impact but me.

But me. I'm so small. And I'm the universe at the same time.

I am the fear itself, and I am the one who stands.

[Pelin]

Frustration.

Well when there is hope, there is frustration, right? 

I hoped to stay one more week with my family.

But after «I don't even know what it is» I'm bound to go back to work. 

I wish I wasn't here in this country where they take away all my freedom.

I just want to hope again. Not for the future, but for the present. 

[Pelin]

Boredom.

 

No tasks. Just stay, they say to a crowd. Just wait.

sounds quite meditational, but the distraction!

everyone speaking, commenting, children screaming and playing around.

and of course they don't leave me alone either. They need communication.

I am sitting there with a book. Interrupted every second.

What do I feel? I feel bored to death. And I feel a big headache.

[Pelin]

Peace.

Peace I feel is very much related to outside world.

wish it were about my inner peace, but I'm not gonna lie about it.

I feel at peace because I finally freed myself from the outer suffering.

but the inner one? Still I have a long journey to go to find inner peace.