my experience with OCD and social anxiety

[Eren Eeager]

part 1

for more than two years, I have been dealing with this  mental disorder OCD. I didn't recognize it first, I thought it was just overthinking. but hell no, it wasn't just overthinking. I developed an urge for mental masturbation, I would spend all the day thinking and checking and doubting myself. I was always thinking and thinking and doubting and not reaching anything. my tummy started hurting me, I didn't know what is this constant pain and bloating in my abdomen, then I realized I also developed IBS. daily suffering became a theme in my life, and I became totally dysfunctional. but although all of this happened to me, I couldn't stop thinking. thoughts kept going and going and I started to think in a really strange way. I started to get really anxious around people and I couldn't maintain a normal conversation. Here I also developed social anxiety. I really wanted to stop thinking but I couldn't and everything was going worse. I am always anxious, not confident  and in pain. IBS made everything worse. I always was had gas in my abdomen and it always hurt. diarrhea daily and constant pain. I tried many and many times to stop these intrusive thoughts but I failed every time. I became unable to talk properly as my throat felt stiff all the time. I had no interest to talk to anyone. I felt weird around everyone including my family members. everything was difficult and my spiritual journey was hindered by all of those mental problems. 

Edited May 31, 2020 by Eren Eeager