Things done changed me

[supremeyingyang]

Finally I bought that ominous 'Life Purpose Course'.

Last time I wrote in this section in January 2018 (I looked it up). Things done changed me. The Path is a circle where I'm always back where I started - just on a higher level. As I write this I come to the Conclusion that this might be a good sign, an enabling the faculty to look on the same old Events from a new, fresh Perspective. I feel alive.

Currently I am 29. I worked through a lot of shit in my life and I feel privileged that I'm at this point - because some of my friends are not. I went to the School of hard knocks, always hacking around, and experienced so much failure that I was forced create a proto-Vision to get through this. It was like 'get through this, away from something'.
The Bible (I am not a Christian) says on one Point something like 'The last will be first' and I come to the conclusion that this is at least true for me. I was the last in many regards. Overweight. Lazy. Sarcastic Worldview. Socially Awkward, but perceived as Arrogant - you get the Picture. Now I work towards something Great. If I can do it, many other can do it. I hope this will inspire others!!
 Another Bible Verse says very vividly what it feels like to grew up (I really not a Christian, lol): ' I walked through the Valley of Shadow and Death'. There was no Hope, just live your life and distract yourself from all the shit. The Adults were soulless wageslaves, although I did not knew the word 'wageslave' I felt how bad of a Situation this was. Work in a meaningless Job for 40 years, do basically nothing really relevant and then retire and die regretting all that shit. I would not ever be this way. The other Children were as clueless as I was. And the young Adults who already worked or studied said 'You are lucky to be in school, that was the best time in my life'. This Phrase make me think real hard, because if this time in School would be the best as it would be... why even life on? Nah. But I even as I was really depressed (I would be really depressed in the years to come) I always sensed that there was something good in Life. If this reads a little bit melancholic it is because it was the feeling of that time.

Things done changed me, but some Questions remained the same.

• How can I live a different live?
• How can I be successful in my unique Way?
• How can I change all the bad stuff I experienced above for future Generations?

That's it for this time.

Edited May 30, 2020 by supremeyingyang

[supremeyingyang]

Yesterday I wrote, today I can acknowledge that, about repressed Energy in my Past. There is still a lot in my daily life. Yesterday / Today / Tomorrow -- all the same: Everyone around me has to repress their Energy to get bread, life a cushy life. I understand that it is sometimes very necessary to get your Energy in check and that's a healthy part of Development of Society.

Its a Dialectic. Then there are advocates of the Status Quo. Then there is the Wind change, represented by the People who have repressed Energy. Look at the George Floyd Riots and how they where caused. The Rioters fight for a change, using that which was once repressed Energy. The Police Officer killed that man for nothing, which was also usage of repressed Energy. We see creative Destruction and hopefully the USA learns finally a lessons and reforms it state and people.

Repressed Energy - or as you might say repressed Self. Somethings happens, you want to say 'This is stupid' but you think 'Nah, I can't say that because that Person could cause trouble in career' or 'Nah, I shut the fuck up because I don't want to get caught in this shit'. While there is value as this concealing can be part of a greater Strategy, I think that is no way to life your life. That is the Definition of Wage Slave Life: You can't Do, Talk and maybe Think as you wish. You can strive for a better World because you are addicted to the cushy life of the current World.

Something like that.

Edited May 31, 2020 by supremeyingyang