Not sure what I am experiencing...need an opinion.

[Galyna]

Hey guys,

I need some assistance. Your feedback will be much appreciated.

So, after about two month of depression (April and early May) I have decided to not go that far (here I mean self-inquiry) because I was very depressed. My normal perception had changed. I was scared that if my feelings stay the same, I will commit a suicide (which is very unusual for me). It felt like I was going insane. I was even considered to see a psychiatrist. I was scared and confused.  I literally had anxiety and this heavy chest feeling out of nowhere all the time. Then I went on vacay with my friends, lost awareness and it resolved on its own. I kinda let it go...and....

NOW! I have this crazy energy coursing through my body, like I am high, almost on drug. I want to clean my house all the time, to move all the time, to run, dance, I don’t know. Basically, it feels as I am in love (with nobody). It is a bit overwhelming. Physical activity helps me to calm down and when I am tired (after running) I feel like I am at a peaceful state. I am not sure what I am experience. Has somebody experienced similar thing? What to do with this energy?

[allislove]

The more you go into this work of self-realization the more you can feel the difference between when your listen to your intuition and when - not.
It seems, you started to listen to it. Keep going  

[Amit]

@Galyna Immerse yourself in your life's calling, try to strive for focus from fractured time work. Read good books, Talk to higher consciousness people, Live the today like you'll die tomorrow.  There is so much to explore, so much to do, The life is a gift, this is the time to achieve your dreams. So dream something big, and slowly It will come true ... 

[traveler]

It's energy, there is no you to do anything with it and it doesn't require a you to be. You haven't found the holy grail, let go of trying to know what is happening. Let it do what it does, don't interfere with this, you can't own it. Dance, jump, laugh, cry, sing. These happenings do not need meaning, they do not need to be understood. They are what they are and that is it. 

[The observer]

Sounds like a Kundalini awakening.

Have sex. It's a spiritual practice that can recalibrate your energy and put it back in balance.

Edited May 29, 2020 by The observer

[John Iverson]

19 minutes ago, Galyna said:

Hey guys,

I need some assistance. Your feedback will be much appreciated.

So, after about two month of depression (April and early May) I have decided to not go that far (here I mean self-inquiry) because I was very depressed. My normal perception had changed. I was scared that if my feelings stay the same, I will commit a suicide (which is very unusual for me). It felt like I was going insane. I was even considered to see a psychiatrist. I was scared and confused.  I literally had anxiety and this heavy chest feeling out of nowhere all the time. Then I went on vacay with my friends, lost awareness and it resolved on its own. I kinda let it go...and....

NOW! I have this crazy energy coursing through my body, like I am high, almost on drug. I want to clean my house all the time, to move all the time, to run, dance, I don’t know. Basically, it feels as I am in love (with nobody). It is a bit overwhelming. Physical activity helps me to calm down and when I am tired (after running) I feel like I am at a peaceful state. I am not sure what I am experience. Has somebody experienced similar thing? What to do with this energy?

Enjoy it, go do meaningful things to you that is the time to feel alive, be great with that ...

[Galyna]

@dimitri

4 hours ago, dimitri said:

The more you go into this work of self-realization the more you can feel the difference between when your listen to your intuition and when - not.
It seems, you started to listen to it. Keep going  

OR maybe I just need to let go of everything...and see what happens  

 

[Galyna]

4 hours ago, Amit said:

@Galyna Immerse yourself in your life's calling, try to strive for focus from fractured time work. Read good books, Talk to higher consciousness people, Live the today like you'll die tomorrow.  There is so much to explore, so much to do, The life is a gift, this is the time to achieve your dreams. So dream something big, and slowly It will come true ... 

Trying to achieve my dreams now, working on my second bachelor's, planning to start master's in September. Gosh, my crazy ego wants some approval for sure. But at the end, when thinking about it, who the hell cares about my career, degree, social status if other people are just the projection of my mind. I am not going to give up because "there is no other game in town"

Lately, it has hit me that time is so fast and I will not have enough of it to enjoy my youth years. 

P.S. Learned how to make a new salad, ordered me an elliptical to exercise, since not sure if Y will be working in fall, working on my dream board. 

Higher consciousnesses people, hah? - this is the hardest challenge. Here in my city every one goes to the Church of Christ, three times a week. 

This forum is all I have. 

 

 

[Galyna]

4 hours ago, traveler said:

let go of trying to know what is happening.

Thank you for the feedback, actually doing an exercise every day by letting go, reading Sedona Method. 

[Galyna]

4 hours ago, The observer said:

Sounds like a Kundalini awakening.

 

Nah, I do not think so, I am not a hardcore practitioner to have it. Who knows maybe the energy tries to balance itself since was in a low key mode.

It comes spontaneously, yesterday came at 7 pm when driving back home.

Sex? Something I want to achieve will never satisfy me with physical orgasm. Actually, when I am in passion or lust, it is sucks because at this time I expect sex to resolve my mental craving and think it will, but at the end you have an orgasm and feel unsatisfied mentally. On the level of body orgasm is great, can be very strong. On the level of "soul" (just using this word to describe inner perception) there is like a black whole. Nobody will never share your inner experience, never! with regards, even when sharing your bodies, read below, I love this narrative by Huxley:

“We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies—all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes.”
― Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception

[allislove]

@Galyna if something doesn't feel good surely let it go. 

[Galyna]

2 hours ago, dimitri said:

@Galyna if something doesn't feel good surely let it go. 

My problem is that before I let go I need to understand why things happen to me, this way  I learn. 

[mandyjw]

@Galyna Yes, I know that feeling, your description of being in love with no one is spot on. It's a sign of a breakthrough after lots of resistance. 

Abraham Hicks helped me understand my everyday thoughts/feeling vibration, it's still quite a lot to integrate, lots of back and forth between being serious with spirituality (Leo) and having fun with it and letting go of resistance (Abraham Hicks) and of course lots of teachers and teachings in between and on both sides. Just enjoy the energy while it lasts, take the lesson of letting go with friends to heart and try to not hold yourself apart from it so much again.  

[Galyna]

@mandyjw Thank you, dear ??I will research Hick’s work. If I am totally honest, I am still having fun as it is scary to go deeper. I worry about my family, I have attachments. Also I am scared to loose my sanity. 

[Nahm]

@Galyna ☺️

Other people are not a projection of your mind. Thinking there are not others will never make sense. Thought is of the finite mind. There are individuations of finite minds. To the degree you are thinking so, there are other finite minds. It’s not a matter of true or not, because that is also dualistic, thought ‘level’.

If & when letting go next, know ahead of it that the true nature of thought is to come and go. To appear and disappear. The appearance is contingent upon being, like an engrossing movie is only possible by the screen.  Notice you can ‘pause’...breathe...relax. 

There is the nondual perspective and the relative perspective. It is not a matter of one or the other, but knowing and distinguishing. The craving of the mind is the not knowing of how, of not understanding this. The not knowing of how precisely both perspectives are absolute. Don’t focus on the fallout of suffering, focus on the inquiry. This is an intimate place along the path indeed. The intellect empties the arsenal in demand of narrating the source of itself. The nuclear stories of depression, the grenades to others, to time, to relatives, to the uncertainty and fear of a loss, the missiles of ‘then fuck you fuck all and fuck my life too’. Pew pew pew. Pew pew pew. But you are always the realness, the true strength of the finite mind. There is nothing to do and forever to do it. 

[Nahm]

@Galyna ?

[SamueLSD]

4 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Galyna ☺️

Other people are not a projection of your mind.

Rather, a projection of THE mind?

[Preety_India]

Is this OCD? 

 

[The observer]

11 hours ago, Galyna said:

Nah, I do not think so, I am not a hardcore practitioner to have it. Who knows maybe the energy tries to balance itself since was in a low key mode.

It comes spontaneously, yesterday came at 7 pm when driving back home.

A Kundalini couldn happen spontaneously. Not necessarily a full awakening, but still.

11 hours ago, Galyna said:

Sex? Something I want to achieve will never satisfy me with physical orgasm. Actually, when I am in passion or lust, it is sucks because at this time I expect sex to resolve my mental craving and think it will, but at the end you have an orgasm and feel unsatisfied mentally. On the level of body orgasm is great, can be very strong. On the level of "soul" (just using this word to describe inner perception) there is like a black whole. Nobody will never share your inner experience, never! with regards, even when sharing your bodies, read below, I love this narrative by Huxley:

“We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies—all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes.”
― Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception

That sounds like overthinking/thought overriding perception. In my experience, it's difficult to make it stop unless you lose that energy. Or, you'd have to be a very advanced meditator. You could also ignore this issue like it never existed and that would make its effects less real.

[Nahm]

@SamueLSD

Gotta see that one.