Life patterns

[Aquarius]

I looked back to the threads I posted on this forum to find a pattern I keep doing and realise why I am unsuccessful in life.

My findings were mistakes I did over and over again.

In the beginning...

• guilt trips from Christianity and from being a "martyr"
• relationship problems from being too nice and accepting
• failing to date someone else than my first date
• procrastinating by listening to music as a coping mechanism or to keep myself away from confrontation

Few years ago...

• choosing toxic dating partners
• unable to choose path on my own (keep asking questions on actualized about everything)
• refusing to take my medication
• always being led, never lead

I tried to change...

• opening up to new people
• going to the gym 
• finding meaning
• trying to learn new things

extremisms due to corona....

• dabbling in the black arts and satanism
• too many hobbies, exhausting myself, getting a breakdown
• too open sexually to anyone
• risking my relationship to sexual encounters

calming down finally...(now)

• being more organised
• reading things that interest me
• creating art
• opening my real eyes to truth
• being vulnerable to old traps, trying to find the best way

 

These are my honest findings about myself and what I did. Why do I lack success? I don't even know what I want. I'm so lost!

I also did the things on my list many times and not always in the same order or same timeline. These are patterns not something that happened once. Each pattern is important. Each dot represents one pattern. I think I should let go of negative patterns and come to positive patterns. 

I didn't realise I was subject to these patterns. I just looked back at my posts history and it was all painfully there.  

 

Some patterns present right now:

• guilt trips from Christianity
• unable to choose a path on my own
• being more organised
• reading things that interest me
• creating art
• opening my real eyes to truth
• being vulnerable to old traps, trying to find the best way

I feel like I had some success in "deleting" some patterns from my life. Some patterns came back, like being a Christian again and suffering because I cannot choose things on my own, it's like I have to follow a way. In a sense that could be the resolution to the way I cannot find my way to a better life, I could easily go down the Christian path but with more healthy set of eyes and vision??? I think??

Why do I have no success in career? Maybe because I know nothing about career? I remember when I prayed for guidance and money, I made lots of money with my art. I just really wanted it so it happened. 

I keep thinking.... am I too harsh with myself with Christianity? I could find a better way more easily if I gave up Christianity and I just believed in God? I know God is not Christian, I just view God from the Christian perspective. Any time I asked for something it was given within days. But also because of my own work. God helps you if you help yourself, there is a proverb.

For my career I was thinking about writing and art. But I'm so lost, I don't know where to continue.   I used to do character design, but even my art teacher doesn't know what that is. And she said what is trendy right now in my town or my country is portraits, caricatures, paintings... classic stuff. So far away from what I do. And I'd probably get paid for something like 3D design. Well... I have no experience in either 3D design or oil painting. I only design characters 2D.  And even at that I suck.  

In writing I'm thinking writing history, philosophy, mysticism etc. For some newspapers that publish that kinds of things. 

Where do I even begin? Learning? What do I learn..? I need a mentor or coach maybe. Idk.  I tried psychologist but they aren't life coach. They just dismiss my way of being for something worse. I don't think that's the therapy I need. I feel there's lots of devilry in psychologist cabinets. I'm finding my way, and they think I'm being too harsh on myself. Well hello? That's what my life depends on. 

I don't even know how should've I formulated this whole post, maybe I won't even get a reply. Maybe when I feel better I will rewrite this post, maybe later, maybe other day,

[Elton]

@Aquarius

Focus on the things that get you success rather than focusing on the things that got you failure. 

Have a big compelling vision for yourself.

Build good habits and Ultimately good routines. 

Program your subconscious mind.

[egoeimai]

❤️U both 

[LastThursday]

@Aquarius excellent post.

It feels uncomfortable to be lost and not know what you want. It sounds like you have lots of great ideas. You have to keep trying new things until you find what you want to do and how you want to live - forget about pleasing other people or trying to fit in with their needs - put yourself first.

If you want to be successful you have to have a good balance of three things:

1. Good ideas.

2. Stamina and perserverance.

3. Good people skills.

All these things are just skills you can improve over time if you put focus into it.

If you want to practise stamina and perseverence, then these will help you:

1. Have a daily routine (even on weekends)

2. Have one or two long term projects with achievable goals

3. Emotional control.

Emotional control is important. There will be times when you feel like giving up, or you feel very distracted, or you want to waste time. You will need good coping strategies for this. I find meditation, exercise (gym, walking, running, swimming etc), being outdoors in nature and good diet help a lot. Also depending on the type of person you are a certain amount of social contact is necessary - also this is good for people skills.

 

Edited May 29, 2020 by LastThursday

[Aquarius]

@egoeimai ❤❤❤

@Elton that would be a good solution, thanks

@LastThursday i did have a daily routine but people dismissed it as being unnecesary and that I might get stuck because of it. I will try picking it up again. Very helpful solutions, thanks

 

You guys can see my growth on my journal here on actualized

Edited May 30, 2020 by Aquarius