Anger issues!

[Someone here]

How to Deal with anger and neurotic reactions to people? .  Like when talking in a situation I get triggered easily and get lost in arguments and trying to prove myself right ( not in a healthy manner but when it turns into a fight over who's right and who's wrong).  I feel like I'm so attached to prove myself right to people or appearing as the dominant man. Not allowing anything to outweigh me from others.  I noticed this is unrealistic way of approaching life. 

Ps. I'm not talking about what I'm doing in this forum I think these are healthy discussions. I'm talking about fights and arguments in daily life over trivial stuff. 

[Moon]

Lol. I used to have this issue sooooo bad, I picked it up form from my dad.

So, the root cause for overcompensating by ALWAYS having to be the one who's right is often due to insecurity and a lack of self-love. Combined with just the anger issues being habitual. 

The honest answer for me is that I meditated on and off for a few years and started practicing mindfulness when I became aware of me acting like this during a conversation. Also, reflecting afterwards with awareness of what happened helps too. (Try the "awareness alone is curative" approach). I also worked on my self-esteem and self-love. Believing you are intelligent and creative or whatever (often by putting the work in too) creates a self-image where you don't even need to prove yourself to anyone in useless arguments. 

Also, I started asking myself...what does being angry actually achieve for me? I feel worse afterwards. I haven't achieved anything by trying to be right. One of my main purposes in life should be to be "happy" and at peace right? So how was this helping me at all? "Think things, say things and do things that bring you peace" 

My younger sister even told me how she used to hate me and how I was narcissistic, now we have a healthy relationship lol  

[Someone here]

@Moon

51 minutes ago, Moon said:

Lol. I used to have this issue sooooo bad, I picked it up form from my dad.

So, the root cause for overcompensating by ALWAYS having to be the one who's right is often due to insecurity and a lack of self-love. Combined with just the anger issues being habitual. 

The honest answer for me is that I meditated on and off for a few years and started practicing mindfulness when I became aware of me acting like this during a conversation. Also, reflecting afterwards with awareness of what happened helps too. (Try the "awareness alone is curative" approach). I also worked on my self-esteem and self-love. Believing you are intelligent and creative or whatever (often by putting the work in too) creates a self-image where you don't even need to prove yourself to anyone in useless arguments. 

Also, I started asking myself...what does being angry actually achieve for me? I feel worse afterwards. I haven't achieved anything by trying to be right. One of my main purposes in life should be to be "happy" and at peace right? So how was this helping me at all? "Think things, say things and do things that bring you peace" 

My younger sister even told me how she used to hate me and how I was narcissistic, now we have a healthy relationship lol  

Thanks. Will try those methods! 

[Roy]

Stop being so selfish. Part of the reason the neuroticism and anger arises is because there is an underlying urge within you to make people think, act, and behave in a way that corresponds with what you want. Which is why you persist in arguing endlessly. The world is too complex for that obviously.

Introspect for why that is. Ask questions;

- It is insecurity? What do I feel lacking?

- Am I wrong more often than I think?

- Do I have to be the dominant man?

- Do I care too much how others see me?

The cure to overcoming this ultimately is radical acceptance. Realize that the world is exactly the way it should be, because it is. Everyone else can also feel the way you feel, they are absolutely convinced they are right. The conflict and negative emotions rise when one doesn't understand that and refuses to let go of their own position.

Let the world flow as it does, and calmly ride the waves within it, rather than trying to steer them in the directions you want.

Hope this helps - cheers - Roy

Edited May 29, 2020 by Roy

[Gili Trawangan]

I used to be like this too. I would get into endless pointless arguments that would be nothing but ego battles. Of course I wasn't aware of that at the time. You are beginning to be aware and that's the first step.

Self-observation is what did it for me. This includes - but is not restricted to - meditation.

It all boils down to identification, the ego is a self-preservation machine. These pointless arguments serve no purpose other than to strengthen the ego.

Eckhart Tolle has the most eloquent explanations of this mechanism, you should read his book or listen to some of his talks on YouTube. And practice what he refers to as Presence, to abide as the underlying presence prior to all thoughts.

[flume]

21 hours ago, Roy said:

Stop being so selfish.

Sweet and to the point :-) Best overall applicable advice I've ever read, haha. Good stuff Roy!

Mindfulness meditation would be my advice. Also read some stoic literature :-)

[Elton]

@Someone here let go of the need to be right .. 

This seems to be a soft addiction and can be cured with awareness.

Put a rubber band on your hand for the next three months and whenever you look at it remind yourself of this soft addiction.

And when u catch yourself pull the rubber band and say arguments are signs of upper limiting.

[Lyubov]

 

 

I've found the sedona method to be quite powerful when it comes to releasing anger 

[Someone here]

Thanks you for your replies guys. All helpful stuff!