Negative Feelings in Relationships and Mindfulness

[liamnewsom202]

When it comes to dealing with negative feelings and accepting your feelings how does communication in relationships play into this? I feel like I have struggled in the past to help others when they feel strong negative emotions because of the way I deal with my own problems. Lets say I feel upset because I feel like my art is not good enough and I get extremely hard on myself. When it comes to talking it out to someone what I would do is take a step back and really look at the situation

- I understand that I am feeling angry and frustrated right now

- I see that there still is a higher self and observer within me which recognizes these feelings and observes the thoughts of "this isnt good enough" "this sucks"

An example of a past dysfunctional relationship I had I had a partner who was really upset that school was off due to corona and was upset she would have to be inside and wanted to feel her feelings by saying how bad it is and basically thinking about how unfavorable and that life should not be this way and if life was not this way I would be happy. I felt frustrated with this after some time because it felt toxic. It was like I get you feel this way but do you not see how thinking in this way and identifying with these thoughts keeps you stuck there? Her response was always that I was not allowing her to feel the way she felt when in reality I never said she couldn't feel that way or that the situation didn't suck for her. She would always just interpret it that I was saying that she shouldn't feel that way and that she wasn't good enough.

My understanding is that I would hear them out and hear the way they are thinking and hear the thoughts they are having. From there I would suggest more positive true thoughts to offer consolidation for example like in my exs case:

Yes it does suck that you feel that way. Instead of thinking about how bad it is you can look at the situation and see all the other things you could be doing with your time while at home away from school. I get this is hard to keep in mind but it is all a matter of how you look at it.

My question is: do you feel like in relationships it is crucial to proper communication to be able to maintain positive thinking/mindfulness regardless of the emotion being felt? Is it unfair and damaging to be identifying with negative thoughts on your partner without being able to take a step back? I feel like I have a good handle on this but I still have left over scarring from this past relationship and want to trust my own intuition on what went wrong here I just feel deeply inadequate because I really gave my all to love this person but I couldn't deny the way it made me feel having to deal with such negative feelings without her being able to step back. She accused me of being emotional unavailable and that in the moment she wants to "feel bad and not have to step back" I think as this problem kept going on it caused me to get more cold and unavailable but it was never the intention. It felt very much like I wanted to help but just couldn't get through without hurting myself. 

Was I acting emotionally unavailable by expecting this?

[Moon]

It's human to feel emotions and they shouldn't be repressed, and if you're being fully mindful/keeping your awareness of the situation whilst letting yourself feel these- the negativity won't last long. There's nothing wrong with having negative feelings for a moment or having some negative release before trying to look on the positive side of things too. A consistent meditation practice will ofc help you more easily deal with these things, as well as eventually making you more empathetic too.

If she was really only being negative occasionally for brief moments, that's ok. Especially for women, sometimes we need to let out the feelings by crying or being a bit negative and the best thing you can do is be empathetic to why she could be feeling this way and comforting her without jumping to a solution so fast. 

However, if this was a consistent issue of her always having a negative mindset or being depressed, it's not healthy at all. As in the long term, the aim is to be able to control negative feelings better and better better if this is an issue. This doesn't mean feeling NO negative emotions ever either. 

[liamnewsom202]

@Moon It was more of she didnt really get mindfulness and wasn't into consciousness work. The idea of her not being her thoughts she didn't get. It was tricky for me because it was when i was first having awakening experiences I wanted to teach her out of love but didnt really realize at the time that people dont get it by you teaching them and that it comes from inside. This mixed with her being an anxious person really didnt help and our relationship got pretty toxic by the end.

I think I couldve been more patient with her feelings and realized that she wasnt really able to always take that step back into awareness. But the relationship really wasnt for either of us and she was never really accepting of consciousness work and it always freaked her out

[universe]

Learn about how woman see the world. There are fundamental differences. If you dont understand them you will run into these problems again and again.