Is Intimacy necessary for a life purpose?

[Preety_India]

My life purpose is not very grounded. Currently I have just started Leo's life purpose course. 

My job is event management and financial investment and I'm doing a pretty good job at it. So I don't need to strive for money. That side is sorted out for now. 

I like to help people a lot, especially when it comes to psychology. And I'm currently taking interest in this area. 

The thing is I'm prone to a particular problem. I'm not a very social person.   I lack intimacy. The moment people get too close to me, I say CUT. I can't help it. I'm a shy introvert. At the same time, people enjoy my company but I don't really enjoy their company or intimacy. I keep my distance. Yet I like to help people from far. 

My question is this, is my lack of intimacy going to affect my life purpose in any way. Is it possible to work in an area where you help people without needing or requiring to be intimate or social with them? 

Or is my flaw going to be a major hindrance? 

 

 

[Lyubov]

By intimacy do you mean connecting with people on a deep emotional level where you give/receive support? What exactly constitutes intimacy to you and what do you gain or give when being intimate with someone. I think it depends on your job. I think being able to navigate and be intimate with others will be more important for a psychologist compared to someone who sits at a computer all day writing code. I think you can help people without having to get too personal with them. How do you want to help people? If you have a particular issue that you share with the people you are helping that may actually serve as a doorway to you being more comfortable being intimate with those you are helping. 

[Preety_India]

@Lyubov like connecting with them in a more emotional way, chatting with them in a personal way, I suck at it. I just don't do it or avoid it completely. A lot of people feel pissed off because of my distant behavior. 

I don't see the necessity in being personal. But maybe I could be wrong. 

 

 

[Roy]

It may not be necessary in a pragmatic sense, but it will be limiting. Humans are social creatures with a booming population, it's almost impossible to make money without relating to other people, because where else are you getting the money from? Letting intimacy take it course naturally will deepen your ability to relate with others. It can still happen for you even if you're a shy introvert. If you're not into having tons of friends why not go really deep with just a few people?

[egoeimai]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Lyubov like connecting with them in a more emotional way, chatting with them in a personal way, I suck at it. I just don't do it or avoid it completely. A lot of people feel pissed off because of my distant behavior. 

Ι get pissed off when people are distant too. So I get it. Lol 

But also, must respect introverts 

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I don't see the necessity in being personal. But maybe I could be wrong. 

Maybe... Because you haven't felt it yet. See how it feels you may like it 

[Amit]

@Preety_India hey, it's going to be okay. Maybe you will like to take a break. 

[Jacobsrw]

“To move beyond a problem we must first move beyond our unceasing need to entertain them”

@Preety_India you must do the very thing that you fear, develop your social skills.

Its truly powerful when you begin doing the very thing you feel to be insufficient. Because usually the feeling of lack is simply limited by an overarching belief. This disintegrates once you begin transcending it.

Since almost all career aspects rely upon some level of social skills, I would see it imperative to work at it. You could of course be more of an online service consultant but then you really lose the true rawness of connectivity.

Besides, getting out to develop your social proficiency will not only assist you with others but it will maximise your self understanding and self love.

I for one have found indispensable growth by developing my social skills. I’ve gone from being one of extreme conservativeness, to one who can easily swing between outgoingness and conservativeness whenever required. I now love them both.

Allow yourself the opportunity to as well.

Edited May 27, 2020 by Jacobsrw

[Dlavjr]

I wouldn't go as far as to say it's crucial but it's immensely beneficial. The connections you make with people become much deeper and it really improves you as a person. I'm an open book, I'll talk to anybody about anything, right now I work in retail and it makes my job much easier to tolerate when I can make conversation with just about anybody. People tend to trust you more if you're personable. Having good charisma gives you an extra edge because people are more inclined to talk to you and help you out. I used to be pretty closed off and uncomfortable with being personable and because of that I kinda stayed in the background and I had to work harder to get what I wanted. Being more open and personal with people and getting more involved has made things so much easier because I've become more likeable, people don't just glaze over me and I tend to get more support and help from people. 

I'd definitely say it's worth working on. If you can improve how you go through life and make things easier, why wouldn't you? Fear of intimacy is often times a fear of getting hurt, but the key is understanding that intimacy and dependency/attachment are not the same. You can be open and personable with people and still be confident and grounded in yourself. That's what life purpose does for you really, nothing else matters besides your purpose. But you'd be surprised how far good social skills can get you in life. 

Again, I wouldn't say it's crucial or necessary for pursuing your life purpose, but the rewards of intimacy I'd say make a huge improvement in your life. 

[flume]

@Preety_India Hi Preety. I'd recommend checking out Susan Cains book 'Quiet - The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking'.  It will answer quite a few of your questions regarding your introversion. Ultimately, don't worry about it for now. Don't get lost in the 'if' and 'when', just continue the course, your questions will solve themselves along the way. All the best:-)

[Preety_India]

@flume thank you 

 

[StarStruck]

I'm struggling with the same thing so I can't help you. ;(

[Preety_India]

 

17 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I'm struggling with the same thing so I can't help you. ;(

It's ok mate. It's good to know that I'm not alone. 

 

[Elton]

@Preety_India oh now I understand why you didn't reply to me in the other post. Do re-contextualization happening in my mind right now. 

But with regards to life purpose, this could be an obstacle. You can always use the knowledge through books, Videos and seminars to help people, however that would not be authentic.

Direct experience is king! 

[Yarco]

You can organize your life purpose in such a way that you don't need any kind of intimacy or much contact with people. I work from home and do everything via email. No phone calls, video calls, or in-person meetings.

Although I'd also look at whether you just want to cut out human contact out of avoidance, and perhaps it's something you actually need to grow as a person.

Ultimately though it sounds like if you go deep enough into enlightenment, you're going to realize that you're utterly alone in the end anyway.