Conscious men: has your sex life changed since starting this work?

[aaalex]

Hi everyone! I’m just going to get straight to the point. I also just want to mention that I would love some input specially from men who’s woken the Kundalini since me and my boyfriend has but is of course not a must.

Long story short: me and my boyfriend have been going really deep into self development since this winter, he woke his Kundalini last year in spring and I woke mine last year in august. It’s been a sick journey for both of us and of course together as well, we’ve been put through some really tough challenges these last couple of months and we are finally getting back on track from a long period of confusion. Not going to go into so many details for now but the both of us have been really confused about consciousness, duality, non-duality, the human species, purpose, reaching deep levels of awareness being aware of awareness etc. It kind of put us in a tough position being able to connect on a physical level which started to effect other levels connections in the end. It was just to alien sometimes, especially for him. The major thing that was getting in the way was (and still is) my boyfriend “inability” to have sex for a longer period of time. 

 

To describe it better, the sensitivity in my man’s down area is so high that he’s having trouble lasting during sex. It made him avoid having sex in the beginning but we are slowly getting there. This has not been a issue before, we’ve been able to have sex for at least an hour or even several hours but now it can last from 2-3 minutes to 20 minutes maximum (foreplay included). It’s getting better since he could only last 5 minutes maximum  (also foreplay included) in the beginning when all of this started. He says that since he was able to move his energy all the way up to his head (the crown chakra) this began but not also just the sex, he feels an increased sensitivity in all of his areas in life, psychically and mentally. He described it once as feeling like having sex again for the first time due to how it feels, which I notice makes him feel insecure and what to do in bed. I just want to help him feel like the sexy beast he is, but he comes even more quickly when I take things in charge for example. 

 

My question for you conscious men, have your sex life changed since starting doing conscious work and self development? Have you had similar experiences? Any tips/ideas of what he/me/we can do?

I don’t know if this is crucial information but around the top area of the penis (the glanse area) is where the sensitivity has increased at most for him. 

 

Thanks in advance! 

Edited May 26, 2020 by aaalex

[Dlavjr]

Have him read The Way of the Superior Man, if he hasn't already. In fact, both of you should read it together. David Deida has some spectacular books on spirituality and sex/relationships. I'd go as far as to say any man serious about personal development should read that book as one of their first. 

That being said, sex is a big mental game, it becomes a dance when you both connect just right. However, the more he fixates on issues like not lasting or not performing well, the more it'll cause an issue. Practice breathing, semen retention, maintaining a calm state of mind throughout. It's good that you're supportive though and don't put pressure on him to perform. There's nothing to be ashamed about, it's like going to the gym there are a lot of factors that can go into why you might not lift as well as you used to or why you're not getting better or why you can't run as long. You have good days and bad days, slumps, etc. Not sure why there's so much pressure to perform in sex. 

[aaalex]

16 hours ago, Dlavjr said:

Have him read The Way of the Superior Man, if he hasn't already. In fact, both of you should read it together. David Deida has some spectacular books on spirituality and sex/relationships. I'd go as far as to say any man serious about personal development should read that book as one of their first. 

That being said, sex is a big mental game, it becomes a dance when you both connect just right. However, the more he fixates on issues like not lasting or not performing well, the more it'll cause an issue. Practice breathing, semen retention, maintaining a calm state of mind throughout. It's good that you're supportive though and don't put pressure on him to perform. There's nothing to be ashamed about, it's like going to the gym there are a lot of factors that can go into why you might not lift as well as you used to or why you're not getting better or why you can't run as long. You have good days and bad days, slumps, etc. Not sure why there's so much pressure to perform in sex. 

Funny thing is that he already has that book (like you suspected) and have read about 50 pages, however we do not have access to the book since it's home in our home country. But I will check out the possibility of finding the book online! I will also check out David Deida, I've actually searched for some great sources of sex/relationships connected to spirituality so thanks a bunch!!

Our connection is getting better in bed, connection overall has always been deep and we do truly care and love each other. I totally agree about not putting pressure on performance, it just feels silly even thinking about it and the only one putting pressure is him on himself. He've had issues with performance anxiety since he was a kid and he says it is mainly connected to that except that it's extremly sensitive physically, which makes it go into an evil spiral. It will take some time as he's healing that part consciously! 

 

We've done some tantra in the past, I don't know if that's the same as semen retention but I remember that he got more horny, and after not coming for a while it felt like he was going to explode as soon as we had sex. I know that I read that it was going to feel easier after 21 days, we usually never got to that point. If it is the same thing then we will try again but if not, any great source of more information? Have you practiced semen retention yourself?

[Dlavjr]

3 minutes ago, aaalex said:

Funny thing is that he already has that book (like you suspected) and have read about 50 pages, however we do not have access to the book since it's home in our home country. But I will check out the possibility of finding the book online! I will also check out David Deida, I've actually searched for some great sources of sex/relationships connected to spirituality so thanks a bunch!!

Our connection is getting better in bed, connection overall has always been deep and we do truly care and love each other. I totally agree about not putting pressure on performance, it just feels silly even thinking about it and the only one putting pressure is him on himself. He've had issues with performance anxiety since he was a kid and he says it is mainly connected to that except that it's extremly sensitive physically, which makes it go into an evil spiral. It will take some time as he's healing that part consciously! 

 

We've done some tantra in the past, I don't know if that's the same as semen retention but I remember that he got more horny, and after not coming for a while it felt like he was going to explode as soon as we had sex. I know that I read that it was going to feel easier after 21 days, we usually never got to that point. If it is the same thing then we will try again but if not, any great source of more information? Have you practiced semen retention yourself?

The Way of the Superior Man talks about semen retention a bit and gives a good amount of tips for remaining level-minded during sex, the whole book kind of builds up to that concept because obviously if you want to be focused and confident during sex as a man you have to understand what masculinity is, your relationship to it, and what femininity means to you as a man. You can easily look up stuff online or even on this forum about semen retention and techniques for lasting longer but to understand the foundation of who you are and the root cause of the issue is far more beneficial imo, it provides more lasting results. I've also heard The Multi-Orgasmic Man is very good but I've yet to read it, that was the other book that kept popping up whenever I'd look into the subject.

I have practiced semen retention somewhat inconsistently in the past. I haven't really been sexually active recently because I've been more focused on other things, and during my last relationship I was not nearly as deep into spirituality as I am now, however even the minor techniques I used helped immensely. It's not complicated, really. A lot of flexing the pelvic muscles and breath work. Your boyfriend is lucky that he has somebody as understanding and willing to help him improve as you seem to be. With your support he'll go a long way I'm sure, given that you're allowing him the opportunity to practice and improve. 

If I can give some basic tips for now, I'd say he needs to focus on meditation and breathing, as well as self esteem. Even without practicing any semen retention or tantra or whatever, just getting a strong sense of masculinity and getting in tune with that will build his confidence immensely. It's good to practice all the sexual techniques and everything, they definitely make a difference, but the root cause is almost always anxiety and self esteem, and the more you both kind of emphasize the sexual aspect the more it's gonna give him stage fright. If you think about not cumming you're gonna cum, he's gotta learn how to focus in on the moment and on you, presence is massively important. Focus on the root causes of the issue and everything that was being affected down that chain will most likely resolve itself. 

[ADD]

If you want to do this path seriously you do semen retention abstaining from sex/masturbation all together. Ive been doing it for a while now and it changes everything.

[Leo Gura]

Books have been written about how to hold back ejaculation.

See: The Multiorgasmic Man

[Hello from Russia]

It did. Even masturbation feels different. The more conscious you are - the better sex experience you have, the less conscious - it worsens

[rlc]

I keep experimenting with this, it seems like retention is favored more in the short term (think close to a week) than the long term (weeks-months) 

It’s still hard for me to prove though so I’m sticking with long term for now. If it doesn’t make much of a difference it makes no sense to keep going for long term. However 2+ days definitely increases creativity, drive, and work ethic, even if that’s not what’s going on directly. Everyday is just another addiction 

[Onemanwolfpac]

On 26/05/2020 at 8:00 PM, Dlavjr said:

Have him read The Way of the Superior Man, if he hasn't already. In fact, both of you should read it together. David Deida has some spectacular books on spirituality and sex/relationships. I'd go as far as to say any man serious about personal development should read that book as one of their first. 

That being said, sex is a big mental game, it becomes a dance when you both connect just right. However, the more he fixates on issues like not lasting or not performing well, the more it'll cause an issue. Practice breathing, semen retention, maintaining a calm state of mind throughout. It's good that you're supportive though and don't put pressure on him to perform. There's nothing to be ashamed about, it's like going to the gym there are a lot of factors that can go into why you might not lift as well as you used to or why you're not getting better or why you can't run as long. You have good days and bad days, slumps, etc. Not sure why there's so much pressure to perform in sex. 

Great read. Blue light too. 

As a young man, i wanted to hump everything attractive and that had a pulse. 

As I got older, I am more than happy on pursuing LEGACY. I am fasting. I am lifting, more accurately, I do gymnastics ring workouts. I run. I am Meditate. I am not exactly above the same person I was before. I have the same urges but I direct it better. 

The difference is choice. I can and i probably will backslide at some point but atm, I am pursuing Legacy on my life purpose. I have something to aim for which is of the utmost importance over playing household or chasing the booty. The other part is the testosterone and energy consumption involved with sleeping with a random, I want to be selfish with and keep myself until I choose otherwise. There's a compounding effect from meditation, no porn, fasting, prayer, reading books like ACIM or A Conversation with God and or Power of Now, lifting, and a variety of different things. Mind, body, spirit. ?

It just so happens, i met someones before pandemic. I am letting things play out. I am enjoying the process.