Beauty guilt, please offer thoughts

[Itsokimok]

Is there such a thing as objective beauty standards? feel guilty because I think being fit and having sharp features looks beautiful. One of my female friends who's an awesome person, I would never be interested in her that way as she's at least 30 lbs overweight and has a rectangular body shape, no curves whatsoever and has no jawline. I feel bad because of the body positivity and fat acceptance movement and people emphasizing that we can find beauty everywhere if we choose to look. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It just feels like I can't help what I find beautiful and hate to seem like a sexist jerk who helps perpetuate societal beauty standards. But I think of other guys the same too. They look better when they're fit and so do I. I make an effort to be healthy and fit. You know how there are also guys who have more feminine body shapes? I'm sorry to say but I don't think that's attractive. I want to, believe me, because I feel like an underdeveloped person for not being able to find everyone beautiful. Is this a stage orange problem or has nothing do with your spiral stage? Any thoughts or tips? 

[Leo Gura]

From the absolute perspective Beauty is Infinite and Total.

But from the human perspective you will certainly have biases which cause you to find some things to be more beautiful. That's normal and okay as long as you don't turn it into some neurotic chase for perfection.

You are certainly allowed to find some people more attractive than others. You're not meant to sleep with any random person. Find the people that turn you on. You can still appreciate people even though you may not want to sleep with them.

Personally, I have very high standards in terms of who I would sleep with. But I have also opened myself up to Absolute Beauty and can see the beauty even of "ugly" people.

What you find beautiful/attractive is not an objective standard, it's purely self-biased. But, hey, that's okay. The mind will always have biases and preferences. You're not going to have sex with a hunchback.

[Chrisd]

26 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You're not going to have sex with a hunchback.

Istredd does it in the Witcher, so hey why not

[dkamenev]

I have struggled with the same question, and similar guilt feelings. 

Beauty is subjective by definition, if someone finds something beautiful than its as objectively beautiful as something can be.
Standards are just what our culture promotes.
Having said that, I figured out that I am a product of my society and cannot choose what I find beautiful , and I do not choose what attracts me, therefore there is no need for feeling guilty about it, just like there is no sense in feeling guilty about my height or skin color.
I also found out that feeling guilty doesn't help the people I am not attracted to, instead it just makes me behave in a weird around them way which makes them feel uncomfortable. 

I try to replace it with empathy and kindness, and remember that no one really wants someone to show them fake attraction out of guilt.
So my advice would be to try to see their positive side as well as their pain and offer real empathy instead of guilt and fake attraction. 
And remember, all we need in the end is only one person who will see our beauty, so there is hope for everyone, even if their are not what society defines as beautiful.  Sometimes it's just not up to us to deliver that and that's OK as well.


 

[Leo Gura]

9 minutes ago, dkamenev said:

Beauty is subjective by definition

Actually Beauty is an absolute.

But that's beyond the scope of this thread.

[Itsokimok]

That helps guys! I felt a bit embarrassed posting this. When I bring this up in real life, people sometimes get offended. 

[Moreira]

You shouldnt feel underdeveloped by not finding everything beatutiful. The fat acceptance and the "beauty is subjetive" is all bullshit.

Nature have specific beauty codes, for example the fibonacci sequence, the ancient greek beauty proportions, and all them are objective, they trigger a positive response in the conscious spectator .I've studied image consulting and I know how all the forms colour codes and patterns produce a response in others, and this is unconscious. you cannot choose what you like and what dont.

Dont fall in this mistake:

-For example emo dark people may find beautiful skulls, corpses, spiders, ravens... but the main cause is they like it because is in their vibrational level and so they are attracted to all the goth paraphernalia.

Goin into the main topic, I was very good looking when i was a child, and I also felt guilty when I saw others were ugly. But the deeper issue of this guilt has more to do of a survival mechanism: Good looking people and animals draw more attention.

From a  survival point, this is beauty-vulnerability. A beautiful deer draws more attention from predators and hunters than a ugly skinny old deer.

Remembering this part of my past while writing his post, makes me realize why I as a child and now was always hiding from people. I hated being the center of attention for being good looking!

 

sorry for the bad writing

 

Edited May 28, 2020 by Moreira

[Preety_India]

 

Beauty is both subjective and absolute. Yes it depends on how you see it. I've found guys who are just normal very attractive and someone else might tell me that they are not that attractive. So yes it's subjective 

Also beauty standards change with time. That again shows you that it's subjective. At some point smaller breasts were considered attractive. And pin up girls from older times were shown with smaller breasts and a demure look. But today the beauty standards have drastically changed because the demure look is considered plain whereas bigger breasts are now considered the beauty standard. So you see it's subjective or else it would have stayed the same. 

However the capacity to see beauty in people varies from person to person. Some people have a very small capacity for this. Whereas some people can find a wide variety of people beautiful. But this is also proportional to their gains. People who cast a smaller net have difficulty finding a partner because they screen out most people and rarely ever find someone attractive thus reducing their opportunities to date because they are less likely to find that perfect or desirable person. However people who cast a wider net are at an advantage because they can easily find the mate they want and even switch them equally easily if things don't pan out. Survival of the fittest. 

Now you don't have to guilt yourself because your preference is a choice. It should come from the heart. You shouldn't force yourself to like someone. So be with someone that you genuinely like..