middle-aged virgins with Asperger's syndrome and bipolar disorder

[stopwow]

I have just a mild case of Asperger's syndrome and a bad case of bipolar disorder which runs in the family. As far as relationships go, I've only been involved with unrequited love. My 30s came and went without any lover. I am so curious what actual love making is like with a real partner, but am not sure if middle-aged sex is all that great. I would like to add that activity to my bucket list if possible. I think I am good looking except for being bald. Are there a lot of lonely disabled virgins out there?

[Hello from Russia]

19 minutes ago, stopwow said:

I have just a mild case of Asperger's syndrome and a bad case of bipolar disorder which runs in the family. As far as relationships go, I've only been involved with unrequited love. My 30s came and went without any lover. I am so curious what actual love making is like with a real partner, but am not sure if middle-aged sex is all that great. I would like to add that activity to my bucket list if possible. I think I am good looking except for being bald. Are there a lot of lonely disabled virgins out there?

From my pov, the higher the age - the better sex is because people get more experienced there (unless maybe you get too old, like 70-75 or so). And 30-40 are like the most sexy years quality-wise. So, it's totally okay.

[Roy]

Are each of those clinically diagnosed or are you just perpetuating it because it's in the family history? Not trying to be dick you just aren't 100% explicit in your post. Be careful not to hold onto them as an identity because it's possible it's kept you stuck in a victim mindset all this time. Unless either of those are seriously debilitating your day to day life they might be just manifesting as excuses not to do the work to find real love. Which it's never too late for. Start by dropping the label of "lonely disabled virgin". It only exists because you are saying it and letting it happen.

As far as love making with an actual romantic partner it's amazing regardless of age, no other sex really compares to it. Part of the problem is your mentality towards it. Just buy wording it as "something to check off on the bucket list" you subconsciously delegate it to being some kind of chore or "thing you have to do".

Be enamored at the possibility or finding and creating that situation for yourself! It could be a reality for you sooner than you think if you just let go of all the bullshit you've built up.

 

Edited May 26, 2020 by Roy

[Danioover9000]

Aye.

[stopwow]

Yes, I have had bipolar disorder since around 2000 or so. I work with psychiatrists who help me with my medication. Psychiatrists don't just give anyone shock therapy treatments. OK, you have a point. Carrie Fisher was very successful with her diagnosis.

At age 3 or 4 I was diagnosed with autism, but I've done so well as an adult that the psychologist gave me a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome. To be fair though, I think people with Asperger's syndrome have a lower chance of finding love.

[Danioover9000]

@stopwow

26 minutes ago, stopwow said:

Yes, I have had bipolar disorder since around 2000 or so. I work with psychiatrists who help me with my medication. Psychiatrists don't just give anyone shock therapy treatments. OK, you have a point. Carrie Fisher was very successful with her diagnosis.

At age 3 or 4 I was diagnosed with autism, but I've done so well as an adult that the psychologist gave me a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome. To be fair though, I think people with Asperger's syndrome have a lower chance of finding love.

   Nothing wrong with pursuing relationships or dating. Just remember, if it becomes too difficult, there's always the single life, and there's always another way to sexually release than through a woman.

[stopwow]

@Danioover9000 I read in a spiritual book that if you want something bad enough you will not receive it because wanting it is an indication that you do not have it in your reality, so be grateful for what you do have.

I'm just curious if there is anyone in the forum with a severe mental illness or a developmental disorder with a similar problem.

[Preety_India]

 

You got a ton and I mean it, a ton of work to do on your mentality. Sorry for appearing blunt but there are just so many errors in the way you think that you would need a complete restart. Reboot 101.

To begin with you have heavily given into social conditioning. You are an onion right now. Too many layers to peel off. You're thinking that others are having amazing sex because they are young, they are this, they are that. Drop that layer. Even young people have Insecurities and not the best sex as you would want to believe. 

You got this "grass is always greener on the other side" mentality. You can have  amazing sex any time you want, but you have already crippled your mind with the thought that your age is a barrier. This is social conditioning somebody told you that and you  believed it. 

Sex is a beautiful process of intimacy and connection between lovers. You have to take the adage "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" a bit more seriously because in your case it will do wonders. In order to see beauty, you'll have to become beautiful. You are beautiful and you fail to see your own beauty. That should be the first on your bucket list - how to see the beauty in things. 

By calling sex as something to be checked off, you reduced the beauty of sex to a to do list. Also you simultaneously placed a huge expectation on sex. What was supposed to be effortless and natural now needs to be the greatest experience of a lifetime and measured as such or else it won't look good on the list. Isn't sex like a thing we do at home, like showering, baking a cake, beautiful family dinner. You made it glamorous like a night in a Vegas hotel. Now even if you have sex, you will keep wondering if it's good enough for you or not, so even a simple activity that is generally pleasurable to most people, now has become a subject of scrutiny and dissatisfaction because you placed such a huge demand on it. 

By using the terms lonely disabled virgins, you now cast your inner judgement on to other people that you perceive to be inadequate in some way. You also think that you deserve something that is just available but not coming to you through love or connection. It's as though you are sifting through a catalogue of lonely women ready for a hookup. But can that be called love or a transaction, a deal?  Like dialing a broker to find anything available. If you want genuine love and connection, you just have to let things come to you naturally. Meet people and socialize and travel and meet tons of people, you will have luck and by the course of nature fall in love with a person who you attracted and grew a connection with, it won't look like hunting and settling, not like a chore on your wishlist, but a calling, a spontaneous feeling to fall in love, that love will also feel natural and blissful because your heart wanted it and not something you chose out of egoic needs to simply fulfill and keep up with the Joneses. Not something you bought but something you earned. 

You have a lot of mental restructuring to do before you can experience natural joy of living. 

Remove the artificial sugar from your mind and heart and replace it with honey. 

Remove all the social conditioning and illusions and connect to your authentic inner blueprint. 

 

Edited May 26, 2020 by Preety_India

[stopwow]

@Preety_India Hi Preety_India: Where do you get your information?  Are you a therapist?  You sound very intelligent. The statistics do not look good for people with autistic spectrum disorder, 90% remain virgins. After reading what you wrote though, it seems like I shouldn't use that as an excuse. I don't think my childhood religion served me with all its sex shaming either. Leo says don't play the role of the victim. There is a popular spiritual book that says: "I am not a victim of the world I see." It sort of seemed like you were judging me, but maybe that was just my projection.

 

[Preety_India]

@stopwow

Thanks for your feedback. I wasn't judging you. I was being blunt though because if I was being all showery and nice, the message wouldn't cut through. 

I wasn't judging you but carefully picking apart each error in thought and replacing it with a more wholesome high energy high quality thought. 

I understand psychology a bit deeper because that has been the mainstay of my  personal research over the years. 

I don't read a lot of psychology books, but mostly I rely on my own intuitive instincts rather than scores of mechanical texts to match symptoms to a diagnostic thinking pattern. This is a flaw in most psychologists as they are always looking for a ready made answer, rather than delving deeper into the psychology of the patient in front of them.. 

To me each person is different and unique and only shares a certain set of traits with sufferers of similar conditions, thus each person needs the regular categorical advice combined with some advice unique to that person only. Since everyone's childhood is not the same and every child grows and develops in a different way. 

I'm not a therapist. I'm just a researcher in general with a knack for psychology and people study. 

Whatever I say is not directed at you in a personal way, but directed at the information presented in your text. I systematically analyze and dissect this information and along with my intuitive skills and knowledge base, I come up with the best possible guiding points that will help the person to transform their thinking structure.. 

My goal here is  to attack the way the mind of the person is thinking and to make them understand that the mind is very sticky and diabolical and once you think in more wholesome patterns, you can easily see how you were being victimized by these toxic sticky patterns for the majority of your life

 

Deep down our pure mind is very gentle and sweet and we are all good people. But the mind gets corrupted during developmental and adult years without our knowing and we remain bound by such patterns over a lifetime unless someone challenges them openly and gives you a different perspective to ponder on. 

 

Edited May 26, 2020 by Preety_India

[stopwow]

@Preety_India I think I have a problem getting close to women and all people in general for some reason. I am trying to identify that. Maybe I would benefit from a sex therapist such as Denise in Survivor season 25, or maybe that would just be a waste if I couldn't identify the underlining problem. I just have a little bit of Asperger's so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Carrie Fisher who played Princess Leia in Star Wars did amazingly well with her diagnosis, shock treatments and all, my hero.

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

@stopwow

Thanks for your feedback. I wasn't judging you. I was being blunt though because if I was being all showery and nice, the message wouldn't cut through. 

I wasn't judging you but carefully picking apart each error in thought and replacing it with a more wholesome high energy high quality thought.

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@stopwow

I think you'll do absolutely fine if you let go all the barriers in your mind. You are fixated that your mental issues will cause sexual problems. 

At least go out and try before stopping yourself with assumptions 

Lift your wings and fly. This is not idealistic. This is real. 

You can do it, I promise. 

 

[Danioover9000]

@stopwow  How you've interpreted my post as an insult is a mystery to me, but I'll clarify myself simply and leave.

   I meant that if you're seriously struggling with dating, relationships and it's mostly external circumstances, then be ok with what you have at the moment, be grateful, even if you remain single and have to find other ways of sexual release.

   Actually, you need to develop a stronger desire, especially when circumstances are stacked against you. Don't throw out intention too early.

   No need for a vicious attack at me, but ok, I don't know anything about you, so sorry for triggering you. Let's agree to disagree and I'm backing out the door slowly now...

[stopwow]

@Danioover9000 Hi Danioover9000. Which post are you referring to that I interpreted as an insult?  Are you referring to the exchange between myself (stopwow) and Pretty_India? I read your post: "Nothing wrong with pursuing relationships or dating. Just remember, if it becomes too difficult, there's always the single life, and there's always another way to sexually release than through a woman." and read nothing insulting about it. It seem like someone else was judging me a bit, but she said she wasn't.