Debates trigger me! What do I do?

[Maxman]

I get very angry and agitated when I am debating with someone. For this reason, I try to avoid debates at all costs. But it's not always possible. Rarely when I get into a debate I get so angry and defensive. The reaction is so fucking strong. How do I deal with this? How do I maintain calm during and after the debate?

I think the strong reaction is probably cuz I view debate as a fight between me and the other person. A verbal fight. I try to avoid making personal attacks but most of the time the other person is attacking me personally or being condescending and patronizing. This arrogance is what makes me angrier. I have had debates with peaceful people and that feels more like a discussion than an argument. And I love hearing contrary views from such people. Nonetheless, even peaceful stubborn people piss me off. Not just that, even watching debates makes me uneasy. Even online arguments between total strangers trigger me.

The strong reaction also could be cause I feel like someone is insulting me or attacking me or my intelligence when they are challenging my ideas. 

What do I do?

Edited May 26, 2020 by Maxman
Had to add something

[The observer]

@Maxman Investigate the underlying emotions. Look particularly for the fear of being wrong, the fear of being wronged, the fear of being disliked, the fear of conflict, and the fear of getting hurt. Essentially, I believe that stems from a patriarchal environment during childhood. If that's the case, then here's the solution: some shadow work into your childhood traumas. That alone can fix the problem and some other neighbouring shadow problems.

[allislove]

Take tab of good acid and debate with yourself. Will see who wins  

[Hansu]

@Maxman

As a child, did you often have authority figures trump your opinions and debate arguments with "I am correct because I am an adult" and with other such unfair arguments?

[Preety_India]

Hmm. It could be underlying anxiety. 

But it comes from a fundamental sense of ego, this need to defend, protect and survive at all costs. 

When you think that you and others are same, you become less defensive and your peaceful attitude attracts the peace in other people. This is less likely to create conflict. 

Accept that people are like this. That way it's easier to deal with them. 

If someone is too argumentative then just stop interacting with that person because there are always limits to patience 

If someone hurts you or is condescending, then they are being biased, and it's not your fault, it's them being bad and you can have the satisfaction that you are in the right. 

 

 

[IJB063]

@Maxman

3 hours ago, Maxman said:

What do I do?

You realise that it’s not important enough to justify agitation or anger

You’re either right and the other person is wrong, or you’re wrong and the other person is right

You goal should to always be right in any discussion 

You know how to win every debate you have, only speak the truth

If the person you’re arguing with doesn’t accept that, it’s there problem not yours

3 hours ago, Maxman said:

The strong reaction also could be cause I feel like someone is insulting me or attacking me or my intelligence when they are challenging my ideas. 

This is petty and arrogant   

They can be insulting you but what does it matter, if they are wrong they are wrong, if you are more intelligent you are more intelligent 

That strong reaction does come from insecurities

You remain calm by not giving a fuck

You don’t need to prove anything to anyone