Romantic love and other endevaours

[healthie]

Hi peeps, this is my first topic so I'm excited. I'm a pretty work oriented guy, I study medicine, try to be fit and healthy, make some money by the side, and been striving for actualization since i was in my early teens, I'm 22 now. Also I've grown up in a pretty dysfunctional and crazy family and I struggle with my parts that are like the members of my family, so I often just bottle up and don't do anything in opposite sex interactions even though deep inside me I want human connection. It's just that I see myself manifesting what my family, and it was a shitshow...I really don't want to do that to the person with which I'm communicating. Taking all of that into account i find it often overwhelming energy and time-wise to go approach and build up a genuine human connection with the opposite sex. I have a gas and a brake working all of the time in those situations and i feel sandwiched in between, it's pretty rough inside of me.  It's not that i don't "get any", but i feel that there's unnecessary friction inside of me thats pimping the expression of myself combined with lack of time and energy. Anyone with similar thoughts?

[universe]

Can you narrow down what you find draining when talking to girls? When was the last time?

[healthie]

My problem is that I find it overwhelming time and energy -wise, I feel like I don't have the time and energy to go on a scavenger hunt to find a person that suits my personality, combined with the fear of hurting the person in front of me because of who I am. It's like I see often girls I'm attracted to but I more often don't do squat :/. To be concrete, last time i saw a girl at my university, she liked me and I did her, but just when it was about to escalate to something a bit more romantic, I turned cold turkey having in my mind the things I've written before.  Thanks for responding!  

[Lubomir]

I'm not really sure if I got it right...

It seems to me that you are just scared to continue into something.

Try to communicate with them about it. You just automatically asume, that girls can't be with you because of........

(But almost for sure, it will be turn-off for them if you try just to "tell them" instead of actually showing them, how you live your life)

Edited May 26, 2020 by Lubomir

[universe]

You can not hurt someone. They can only hurt themselves. Well... adults anyways.

Maybe there is also a part of you that you dont accept yet. That you dont love. Seems like in your previous relationships this showed and you are still kind of caged by this. Do the inner work. Make a journey back in time and find whats still unprocessed and stuck in your body. Feel into it. What does it want to say? And then when its time, let it go.

Its all internal.

[healthie]

@Lubomir communicating it with the girls sounds like a good method, I could try that, thanks man.

@universe well, I beg to differ, I can be a source of hurt and have already been in the past, some people just aren't conscious enough to know when they're being hurt until shit hits the fan. I mean I want to change some parts of me, because I don't want to be that. Maybe thats the problem. I don't want to be like my parent and siblings but I just am. Huh that kinda rings a bell. Thanks, just expressing this stuff in this way is stress relieving  

 

What do you think about the lack of time and energy because of work, how would you work that out?