Building Foundational Habits

[Iiris]

If I continue life purpose related journaling, I'll make a new journal. I got rid of the last one, not happy with how that turned out. Life purpose stuff has mostly been on freeze lately. I need to focus on studying again.

[Iiris]

Last nights have been pretty good also. I still wake up but I can fall asleep after. 7-8h of sleep a night. I'm still tired but it's not overwhelming. I'll keep these sleeping pills for a while.

I've been going to bed closer to 12 now. I try to get out of bed at 10:30. It's really late but I keep waking up during the night and that takes time.

When I went to get the sleeping pills a couple of months ago they also sent me to a psychologist. I've been going there like once in two weeks. She gives nice perspective on these sleep issues, makes me feel less hopeless and afraid. I also told her that I need to study to get my final exam grades higher. And that it stresses me out because I failed when I tried to do that last time, and I feel like I don't have enough discipline to succeed this time either. We made some daily schedule for me together. It's quite easy I've been keeping up with it relatively well. I try to put some structure in my mornings and days. And in the late evening I try relax so I can sleep. In between I can do whatever. It has been something like this

• 10:30-12: wake up, do yoga, eat
• 12-13:45: study
• 14-15: take the dog out
• 15-17, eat, take a nap

It takes effort from me to even succeed in that. I try to study 45min 2x and take a break in between. 1.5h a day, it's really little. But at least I won't slack off. I have two exams in 1.5 months, I worry is that enough studying. Finnish (first language) and psychology. I need to get excellent grades. I need to lift my grades up get to study psychology. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp of psychology but Finnish is such a broad subject I feel like I've forgotten most of it. I need to learn text analysis and essay writing.

I don't know if napping is a good thing. It's a bit more difficult for me to fall asleep in the night when I've taken a nap. I sometimes also wake up easier. But I'm tired and I feel like sleeping during the day. I don't take naps every day.

Evening schedule has been a bit less clear for me. Sometimes I do yoga at around 22. Usually not, I just shower, eat and listen to something calming. Then I'm ready to sleep at around midnight.

[Iiris]

I stopped taking the sleeping pill for a few days. Only took the melatonin, I think it was a mistake. I'm able to fall asleep quickly with only the melatonin, but the problem is again waking up too early. I wake up with the sleeping pill too but I stay sleepy so I'm able to fall asleep again. I was sleeping about 6 hours a night again with only melatonin, it was way too little for me apparently. I started feeling really tired an restless so I went back to the sleeping pill. Last night I didn't take it because I had to wake up early anyway. Same thing tonight. I don't have any further plans regarding that. I feel pretty good now.

Daily schedule has gone quite well, except when I was very tired I skipped it for a couple of days. It can turn into a vicious cycle, when I'm too tired I get distracted by all kinds of things and I possibly go to bed too late. Then I am more tired next day.

I feel pretty hopeful about getting to university now. I realized that even with the grades I already have I could get to psychology if I'm lucky. And it doesn't seem impossible to get them up a little. If it doesn't work it doesn't, there's other ways I can get there.

I mentioned here too at some point that I tried to get my final exam grades up last fall too. I didn't explain that through. I only tried psychology. I got really lazy and barely studied. When I entered the exam hall I knew I wouldn't be able to get the excellent grade which I needed. So I didn't try there either. It didn't go well at all.

I've already studied way more consistently than then, I know this time I'm going to at least try. I also bought two courses. They have live lectures so that will keep me from slacking off.

[Iiris]

I've been keeping up with that schedule, not much to say

Because of the courses and because I started watching these psychology videos I'm studying more like over 2 hours a day. Today I didn't do anything. I don't know why essay writing feels so overwhelming. I was supposed to write one today but I procrastinated on that. That essay problem has much to do with perfectionism probably. And indecisivness. I tried to write one yesterday but it didn't work out at all. I had spent 3 hours trying to plan and write that essay. Before that I wrote another essay which I didn't plan at all because I didn't have time, and that one turned out great. So I don't know if I write better when I don't plan what I write. I have still time tomorrow I will try writing about some new topic and not plan it at all.

About the insomnia thing still, it's definitely not "severe" insomnia since I can get at least 6 hours of sleep. That's pretty good I do feel very tired some days though even with these speeling pills and melatonin. I will probably have to keep taking everything until those final exams are over. I've been taking 2mg melatonin. I tried taking 1mg a couple of nights to see if I wake up because I take too much melatonin. I still woke up many times so I'm not sure. I don't think it was worse though, I'll keep that 1mg for now.

 

Edited February 26, 2021 by Iiris
It's mg not g. I didn't eat 1000 melatonins

[Iiris]

Don't think I'll write that practice essay today. Today was the last day I could return it but I don't have time anymore. Dissappointed. But it's ok I had a bit rough day.

[Iiris]

Exams went alright. I might get my grades up. But maybe not. I'll see in a few months. I especially studied psychology a lot, I'm happy about that.

I'll see also what happens if I stop taking sleeping pills now. Or well I've already gone without a few days. Slept about 6-7h but I've also gone to bed too late so maybe it's because that. I overreacted when I went to get them in the first place but I was so tired I couldn't really think. Also I'm not taking naps anymore there's too much sunlight for that.

[Iiris]

Sleep has been going alright I feel really stable and sane and it's great. I still wake up every time and sometimes can't sleep but I've kept messing up my sleep schedule so I'll put it on that. But this feels like it's slowly getting better. I only take the 1mg melatonin now

ALSO I got my psychology grade up!!! I got full points so I kinda couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't even get my finnish grade up but that doesn't matter

I think I have like a 50% chance of getting into university now.

[Iiris]

I got in So yeah I'll be a psychologist.

[Zeroguy]

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Myioko]

Oh my gosh thats great!! Congrats!

 

[Iiris]

@Zeroguy @Myioko

 

[Zeroguy]

Love you. 

[Iiris]

@Zeroguy You too❤️

[Zeroguy]

Sorry for not talking this last month with you. Wanted you to focus what is important to you. 

Now. Go go go you deserved it. 

Thank you for all your help too. ❤️

 

Edited May 26, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Iiris]

@Zeroguy No problem I really do understand.

I can't go to spain or anywhere this summer I got a summer job. But maybe I could next year or next fall. I'd also like to do some volunteering abroad thing.

[Zeroguy]

So you still stick to the same plan. Haha

What was it grades or exam?I still can't beleive it, 1/20 wow. 

You are amazing. I knew you will made it and was happy like I signed it. Started screaming no joke. 

Be well my friend. 

There is really no reason for me to stay on this forum anymore. 

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

From Belgrade. 

 

Edited May 27, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Iiris]

@Zeroguy It was the grades I got in since I got the psychology grade up. Didn't even do the entrance exam.

❤️❤️

[Zeroguy]

OK I'll stay. Be happy now. Oh gosh, dragon's lair. Time to take tequila shot. Haha

When faculty starts? 

Celebrate while you can. Haha 

 

 

[Iiris]

@Zeroguy Ok thanks I don't know when it starts exactly I have to figure out all that. In the beginning of fall.

[Zeroguy]

So it's the same as everywhere. Hmmm

Temperature - 80 °C schools still working ?? Must be great. 

LOVE YA!!!!!!