I think fapping is a threshold Guardian.

[Khron]

It's been less than a week of no fapping and I'm already hating this shit.

I'm an addict. Started around 13 and viola, 40 Year Old Virgin.

I've done a week before so I don't really expect the urges to hit hard until week 2.

The real reason I'm already hating it is the anticipation. I know what's coming: depression. I can already feel the reasons I've not been able to stop boiling to the surface. I've always had difficulty accepting my body since growing up I thought self-esteem was externally dependent basically, until my twenties. By that time, I was already deep in depression. In that torture dungeon of my own making is where I stayed until just a couple years ago.

I dread falling back down there like the Spanish Flu hopped up on shots of covid-19. That belief, failure, rejection, inadequacy, is just as fresh as the day that depressed little 13 year old put it in the fridge , only I have aged and developed a disability: a side of fries and a drink.

I actually resent the very idea of sex and intimacy now. I hate that it makes me feel so needy. I hate learning to court guys, having to figure out how fake I need to be, cuz you can't say what you want to say or you'll scare them away, how not actually into him I need to act for him to be interested in me. The game of courtship seems like such an enormous waste of time to me. Mentally and physiologically, I need intimacy and I have to play games with these motherfuckers to get it. Porn is just so much less BS-y.

I hate needing stuff from people. Finally, with his personal development, I found something that works for my mental health and I can do it all alone. I don't have to depend on anyone to do it for me. Then Maslow comes along with his hierarchy of needs, screaming you going to need sexual intimacy from someone else if you ever hope to achieve the highest levels of actualizacion. Yeah fuck that guy and his food pyramid.

I was fine. I was improving. After over 20 years in the dungeon torturing myself with no end in sight, I have finally escaped and now you telling me I have to now trust the very people that led me down there and left me to rot with my heart. Fuck you!

I hate this shit.

[flowboy]

2 hours ago, Khron said:

you going to need sexual intimacy from someone else if you ever hope to achieve the highest levels of actualizacion

I don't think that's true at all. And if Maslow said that, fuck that guy indeed.

2 hours ago, Khron said:

The real reason I'm already hating it is the anticipation. I know what's coming: depression. I can already feel the reasons I've not been able to stop boiling to the surface.

Well congratulations on your bravery to face this shit! Probably you'll have to go through a phase of expressing your dark thoughts and judgments to people so you can get feedback on them and see what is true. After darkness comes light.

By the way, week 3 of nofap comes with a huge mood boost. I'm on it right now. You're going to feel a lot stronger and more stable than you thought was possible.

Be sure to not fuck it up by drinking a lot of caffeine (causes depression) or not exercising. Do all the healthy things and be open to the possibility that it ain't gonna be as bad as you thought.

[flowboy]

By the way I used to think I needed sex too. I don't think that anymore. I think people need connection. Quality friends. Sex is really optional

[Leo Gura]

@Khron Your problem isn't sex, it's the inability to relate to people in an intimate and loving way where you don't use them as objects to satisfy your survival.

You see, no one has taught you how to consciously relate to people. You think of people like pawns to satisfy your needs. Fundamentally you fear true loving relationship. The ego-mind cannot truly love or relate because it is too needy and fearful of losing itself in the process.

Focus on working on Self-Love.

A psychedelic can be very helpful here to gain clarity and heal yourself. Then you will be able to relate better to others.

Stop thinking of intimacy as some box you must check off Maslow's list in order to be happy. Rather see it as an expression of your ability to Love, which is the whole point of life: to learn how to Love more deeply and selflessly.

Love is not about getting love from others. Love is about raising your consciousness to the point where you are radiating love out to the world and the world reflects it back at you.

You can start to heal by loving the fact that you enjoy sex, porn, masturbation, and intimacy. There is nothing wrong with these things. Stop shaming and guilting yourself for being a highly sexual creature. Sex is an amazing aspect of God! It is a beautiful thing! You'd have to be a zombie not to like it.

The whole no-fap shaming movement is toxic and counter-productive. You can't shame and guilt yourself into abstainence. Give yourself the love you need, but do it consciously.

There are healthy ways to masturbate and you can still pursue sex and relationships. These are not mutually exclusive things. Don't blame your virginity on masturbation. The problem there is lack of responsibility and inaction in socializing/dating.

[Kingston]

13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Khron Your problem isn't sex, it's the inability to relate to people in an intimate and loving way where you don't use them as objects to satisfy your survival.

You see, no one has taught you how to consciously relate to people. You think of people like pawns to satisfy your needs. Fundamentally you fear true loving relationship. The ego-mind cannot truly love or relate because it is too needy and fearful of losing itself in the process.

Focus on working on Self-Love.

A psychedelic can be very helpful here to gain clarity and heal yourself. Then you will be able to relate better to others.

Stop thinking of intimacy as some box you must check off Maslow's list in order to be happy. Rather see it as an expression of your ability to Love, which is the whole point of life: to learn how to Love more deeply and selflessly.

Love is not about getting love from others. Love is about raising your consciousness to the point where you are radiating love out to the world and the world reflects it back at you.

You can start to heal by loving the fact that you enjoy sex, porn, masturbation, and intimacy. There is nothing wrong with these things. Stop shaming and guilting yourself for being a highly sexual creature. Sex is an amazing aspect of God! It is a beautiful thing! You'd have to be a zombie not to like it.

The whole no-fap shaming movement is toxic and counter-productive. You can't shame and guilt yourself into abstainence. Give yourself the love you need, but do it consciously.

Every time I go to the forum, the first thing is to click on Leo’s profile and see his reply.

Literally every word he put out is gold!

I don’t turn these word into ideology, but I rather go out and verify by myself! And I would say Leo is a wise man! 

Edited May 25, 2020 by Kingston

[StarStruck]

Less thinking and more doing. That should be something you should write on your fridge. The mental prison is build on fear and you need to seek what puts fear in you and then do it until you aren't afraid.

[Leo Gura]

48 minutes ago, Kingston said:

Literally every word he put out is gold!

If this was true I'd be a lot richer than I am

[lostmedstudent]

1 hour ago, Kingston said:

Literally every word he put out is gold!

agreed

@Leo Gura sorry to change this topic, but leo, could i please have your words of wisdom on the last topic i posted in the career section? 

[Khron]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

@Khron Your problem isn't sex, it's the inability to relate to people in an intimate and loving way where you don't use them as objects to satisfy your survival.

You see, no one has taught you how to consciously relate to people. You think of people like pawns to satisfy your needs. Fundamentally you fear true loving relationship. The ego-mind cannot truly love or relate because it is too needy and fearful of losing itself in the process.

 ...

There are healthy ways to masturbate and you can still pursue sex and relationships. These are not mutually exclusive things. Don't blame your virginity on masturbation. The problem there is lack of responsibility and inaction in socializing/dating.

 

 I was going to contemplate relating to people and I looked up the word relate to help get me started: To identify with...

My mind went immediately to this reoccurring feeling of alienness I've carried with me as long as I've been depressed. I've identified 4 points of its foundation. Fatness: kids can be cruel to a kid. Gayness: straight Society can be cruel to a kid. Blackness: White Society can be cruel to a kid. And probably most devastating to me was cut / uncut status.

Seeing nothing but cut dicks in porn and looking down as an impressionable youngster not knowing what the fuck that thing was. Whatever it was, it wasn't what all the other boys had. For six months, a year or more , I don't even know, I had no idea there was something under the hood. It took a somewhat random doctor's appointment to reveal to me even though I had been playing with it regularly , I had been neglecting a part of it I had no idea existed.

I will spare your imaginations from painting an image, but when I saw it for the first time , I remember thinking: what the fuck is that? So I might have a little trauma surrounding my genital area.

I think these four points make up a big reason I've always felt alone in every crowd. I can't relate to people because I'm an alien in human skin... or so says the program running in the background.

I've definitely tried my damnedest to socialize and pick up guys and there have been many times where I was successful, but there was always that line that could never be crossed. Stripper rules: I can touch you but don't you fucking touch me. Just receive this pleasure and we can both walk away happy.

God! I really didn't want to have to deal with this shit. I was just going to get rich and pay somebody to pretend to like me.

It would have been grand.

 

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

21 minutes ago, Khron said:

God! I really didn't want to have to deal with this shit. I was just going to get rich and pay somebody to pretend to like me.

That precisely what you're now being forced to deal with it.

Life is pushing you to learn how to love for real, not the fakery you've been in engaged in up to this point.

Quote

It would have been grand.

It would have been hell.

- - - - - - -

Get excited about learning how to relate and love in a new, conscious way. This is great stuff! Not some chore.

[Verdesbird]

just get some pick up skills and get a nice g.f

 

[Kingston]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

If this was true I'd be a lot richer than I am

yes, in my biased opinion, you are infinitely rich . 

Edited May 25, 2020 by Kingston

[universe]

You really need to start way way deeper than simply nofap. Right now you have so many limiting beliefs and beliefs that are just plain hurtful and wrong. You have probably developed some trauma from your inability to get sex. 

Get to the core. Release your feelings and trauma. Its not gonna be easy. You might puke because its so hard. Get some sessions with a trainer or do the work yourself for a few months.

When you are finnished go talk to woman, have fun. Learn some stuff. This not rocket science. Releasing your emotions is going to be 80-90% of the work. The rest is something a nine-grader can do.

[Khron]

On 5/25/2020 at 9:54 PM, universe said:

You really need to start way way deeper than simply nofap. Right now you have so many limiting beliefs and beliefs that are just plain hurtful and wrong. You have probably developed some trauma from your inability to get sex. 

Get to the core. Release your feelings and trauma. Its not gonna be easy. You might puke because its so hard. Get some sessions with a trainer or do the work yourself for a few months.

When you are finnished go talk to woman, have fun. Learn some stuff. This not rocket science. Releasing your emotions is going to be 80-90% of the work. The rest is something a nine-grader can do.

I am positive I've picked up some drama from the sexual Arena but it wasn't so much that I was unable to get it but that I was unable to accept it.

When I first started to Fap at 13 or so, I had only ever seen circumcised penises. I was uncircumcised and in my ignorance, I didn't know the foreskin pulled back. So for an extended amount of time, I had never seen the head of my penis and had hurtfully accepted that I was different from every other boy. On top of that, I was fat and gay. I wasn't completely a boy, didn't want to be a girl but I  liked boys.

I believe as a result, ever since even after I  found out uncircumcised  is natural I have subconsciously regarded my penis as deformed or at least wholly undesirable.

I've had many opportunities to have sex and have had many sexual encounters but I avoided anything that called for me to disrobe or expose my penis to someone else.

Man, I don't know what could be a deeper scar than that and I wouldn't know how to start to get to it if it were.

[hamedsf]

the problem with no fap society is that they thing every fuckin' problems and issues they run into in life is related to their constant wanking.

I also am aware that sexual energy can be transmuted to another form of energy like motivation, but where's the motivation when you repress your sexual energy head-on?

the no fap community don't want to take a sec to wonder to finally say: enough is enough! why am I blaming my sexual natural behavior this much and not to know otherwise? 

but still moderation also applies to this!