Extremely worrying boner

[The Monk]

No this is not a joke. Recently I was scrolling through my Quora feed and found a picture of a game, which is shown down below, as poor pussy, which is a 1950s kids game. I didn't search for this, I accidentally came across it, and I ended up getting a boner, which I found extremely worrying, depressing, and disgusting since it contains picture of kids. Before this I was watching porn, and the sexual positions they were utilizing were similar to these ones. So, I want to know am I a pedo? or am is this normal and am I worrying too much? I have been seriously trying to figure this out for the last few days, crying and feeling super down and depressed and looking to porn for stress relief, which is only making things worse. I also continually re imagine the image to see if it causes me to get a boner, sometimes I get a boner, but most of the time it don't but the fact that I did get one is ruining my life. 

btw I'm a heterosexual male age 21, so I want to know if it's just my biology causing it, or am I seriously messed up. 

This is the image attached is what's causing me all this trouble. 

Any help would be appreciated, idk who to turn to but, I know one thing for sure and that's that I want to change the world for the better, and I don't want to be a monster. 

I've added you few people to help offer me advice, since I think you are capable of giving good advice, and that's what I need most right now

@cetus , @Charlotte, @Nahm @Evil Raccoon @Roy @Julian @Amit @DLH @Max_V @Parththakkar12

[Charlotte]

What exactly is calling you a pedo?

[The Monk]

@Charlotte my mind, and I'm scared what if I am that which I hate most. 

[Charlotte]

Take part in a very small experiment for me for just a few seconds of your life?

[The Monk]

@Charlotte sure 

 

[Charlotte]

1. Gently close your eyes
2. Become aware of 2 full breath cycles (just observe)
3. Then I want you to imagine your self as a pink elephant, then imagine you're a dog! (make the dog bark and lick his balls just for comedic purposes), then change that image to a woman! You suddenly morph into a woman (notice how you now look).
4. Once you have completed the 3 images, open your eyes, are you worrying you are a woman? a dog? or a pink elephant?
5. If no, then why no? Investigate your answer and compare with your original 'pedo' statement.
6. Let me know how this goes. <3 

[The Monk]

@Charlotte I feel like the answer is that I'm not a pedo. So, it's my mind that's creating all this suffering, but I still feel like I want someone to tell me that I'm not. 

 

[Charlotte]

Why do you feel others opinions have a greater influence over you than your own?

[Nahm]

Other than feeling, how can you tell if a thought about yourself is true? 

[The Monk]

@Charlotte I've always been labeled as stupid, by my teachers, schoolmates. etc I suppose so that's why I look to others to guide my judgement. Thank so much, It feels like I'm actually learning about myself and unlocking my deep rooted problems/beliefs. 

 

I would go to therapy, but I'm scared they will put me on drugs or send me to jail. Just for having this boner 

[The Monk]

@Nahm I usually look at what others say about it and the scientific consensus, or general consensus to see whether I conform to those guidelines or meet the criteria. 

Especially, if I'm uncertain. And I feel as if the uncertainty surrounding this topic is killing me. But the fact that you guys are helping me, is making me feel happier, because I reached out before to others for help but they don't even bother to reply.

so thank you both, I really appreciate your help

[Charlotte]

@The Monk Have you ever considered questioning your beliefs? Why do we class these as 'truth'? 

Also please take a very quick look at this https://peaceofmind.com/education/types-of-ocd/intrusive-thoughts/

<3

[Nahm]

8 minutes ago, The Monk said:

I usually look at what others say about it and the scientific consensus, or general consensus to see whether I conform to those guidelines or meet the criteria. Especially, if I'm uncertain.

I didn’t ask about an it, I asked about you. 

 

Other than feeling, how can you tell if a thought about yourself it true?

[The Monk]

@Nahm I can tell if a thought about myself is true, if reality illustrates to me that I am what I think I am. 

[Ry4n]

@The Monk Hey dude, this is a classic case of an OCD obsession, 100%. (POCD as it's sometimes referred to but its all the same), would look into that to see if I were you. I'm almost certain this is OCD as someone who lived through it years back. 

[Charlotte]

@Ry4n From personal experience I have been rather aware of the traps that labeling can cause. The mind loves to reduce it down to something as tangible as possible and create a juicy narrative from it to identify to.  

[The Monk]

@Charlotte No, I've never questioned these beliefs. But, what could I potentially obtain from doing so? Also how would I do that, since I've never done that before?

Also, I was thinking it my be P OCD, but then again there's always the possibility that It's not and that's what scares me. 

@Ry4n thanks dude, but how can I know? What if I go to the therapist and they're like nope. You're not an OCD case, your a pedo, lock him up. Please stay here, while I call the cops.

[Charlotte]

@The Monk

 

[Rilles]

I think you should delve into that Shadow you have, in this case being a pedo, whatever you suppress will keep nagging you. Im NOT saying act anything out but be truthful about what you actually feel and let yourself feel it. Journaling is a great tool for this. 

[Charlotte]

@Rilles I'm curious what points you to this possibly being a shadow trait?