Recurring throath chakra blockage

[Identity]

Expressing my truth has been a major theme in my self-development process the last years.

Around 2 years ago, I learned about the chakra system and found out I was Heavily blocking my throath chakra.

Since then, I have worked on it a lot..

meditation, psychedelics, screaming, singing, writing letters, journaling, expressing feelings to people, dreams and more.

I’ve come a long way, and my situation has changed a lot due to it. Relationships, place of living, business, self-image, awareness of it, all of these things have changed by opening my throath chakra more.

Yet, the problem seems far from solved. As I am typing this, I can feel a heavy blocking feeling in me throath area. I’ve just done 20 min of meditation and chanting, which have released some of the pressure, but the feeling is still there.

The problem is, is that my entire survival and identity are still largely build on falsehood. I feel that if I would speak in resonance with my truth, so many more things in my life would crumble. Even when I try to be conscious of it, I can’t seem to help falling back into old patterns and people’s expectations.

As I am sitting here, I’m just sick and tired of the opening and closing process.. I open up and am in line with my truth, spend a few hours around people, and its closed back down.

It’s just very frustrating..

just wanted to get that off my chest I guess ?

[IAmTheHolySpirit]

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Expressing my truth has been a major theme in my self-development process the last years.

That is a misconception that you must express your truth. The truth doesn't need you to express itself, it expresses itself choicelessly, and so this is not a thing for you to worry about.

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Around 2 years ago, I learned about the chakra system and found out I was Heavily blocking my throath chakra.

That is just a story from the mind distracting you from achieving higher states of consciousness, it makes it appear as if though there is a blockage so you would stop there and not go for enlightenment. Your throat chakra is irrelevant to enlightenment.

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meditation, psychedelics, screaming, singing, writing letters, journaling, expressing feelings to people, dreams and more.

This is all a complete waste of time, you are working on a problem that doesn't actually exist. You imagine it and now "battle" with it. It is very delusional.

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I’ve come a long way, and my situation has changed a lot due to it. Relationships, place of living, business, self-image, awareness of it, all of these things have changed by opening my throath chakra more.

All that is just "opening my throat chakra more"? Not even finished? This is a complete foolishness. Waste of time completely. Most importantly find out what the never-changing is, instead of being caught up in the world of the changeful.

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Yet, the problem seems far from solved. As I am typing this, I can feel a heavy blocking feeling in me throath area. I’ve just done 20 min of meditation and chanting, which have released some of the pressure, but the feeling is still there.

Yes, these are complete lies from the mind, none of it is true, it is just the way the mind keeps being around you, it keeps you distracted in foolish things, in coming and going things, in the realm of the changeful the mind tries to keep you. You are completely buying it, but you can stop buying it, you can just drop it completely. It is fine to not know what to do or what problem to have next, you don't need any problems. Just be aware of being aware. Stay there, forget all of your problems, forget your past, forget your future, forget your present, forget you even exist. 

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The problem is, is that my entire survival and identity are still largely build on falsehood. I feel that if I would speak in resonance with my truth, so many more things in my life would crumble. Even when I try to be conscious of it, I can’t seem to help falling back into old patterns and people’s expectations.

Let things crumble. They crumble but it is a beautiful crumble and you are watching the crumbling knowing full well you are one with the higher power of the universe itself. You will have no fear when they crumble, you will be empowered by their crumbling. What are you trying to be conscious of? And why are you trying? You can't try to be conscious. You are either conscious or not. What you should be conscious of is, consciousness itself.

Be aware of that ever-present awareness. The awareness that is witnessing this life is your truest position, you are truly that more than any other thing appearing within consciousness. You are that awareness, not these stories in your mind. They are simply another thing perceived in awareness. Awareness is the important thing to be conscious of, not anything else. 

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As I am sitting here, I’m just sick and tired of the opening and closing process.. I open up and am in line with my truth, spend a few hours around people, and its closed back down.

Don't put any expectation on life, you don't need it open, you don't need it closed, you don't need it at all. Just forget about it. Don't set any expectations on what is going to happen. Maybe you just need to marinate in the silence of your own being right now. There is no rush, you have your whole life with this awareness that is ever-present, as long as you conscious of awareness, the time is completely utilized for the highest good of all. You can't be wasting time if you are aware of being aware. It is the highest "non-action" one can do in any certain point in the present moment. Nothing comes even close. 

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It’s just very frustrating..

Don't believe this thought. It is merely a thought saying "It's just very frustrating" yet you must not believe it. It has no power, no meaning and no substance on its own. But when you say it out loud, you give it even more power, and it appears so more in your experience. Maybe before this thread you felt pretty ok, but because now you are talking and perpetuating a problem that truly doesn't even exist, even though it appears that way, you are giving it more power, more belief, and it will appear true in your reality. Just forget about it. Be aware of being aware. It is nothing. You have no problems. You are pure awareness. You are before problems.

[Identity]

@Meta-Man Thank you for your response. I resonate a lot with what you said about the half path not working. That is how I feel right now, in between asleep and awake.

Overall I still lack the wisdom to choose for death. My motivation wavers. At some points I am able to surrender quite deeply. Then I crawl back to what feels safe.

There are just so many distraction, excuses, fears, hesitations.

The point of full surrender is coming, question is how long I’m going to keep beating around the bush..