From DNOTS to Magnificence on my first acid trip

[astrokeen]

I had posted about my Dark Night of the Soul (DNOTS)  experience nearly 2 years ago which took place on a first use of shrooms. I reported it here and described it thus: 

"Life is a kind of meaningless hell for everyone - from which there is no escape. There is no loving consciousness keeping watch over us. I am of no value, uncared for and unloved. No one, god or angels were watching over me - these were illusions that I had latched on to. Our work, interests, life styles are distractions from facing the awful truth of the hopelessness and meaninglessness of our existences. We can grasp at all these things only to mask the emptiness that is within us.  Death itself is not an answer - there is no escape. It is all darkness and nothingness."

Many of you kindly advised that there is solace to be found in meaninglessness. True meaninglessness is total freedom and I need to go further into this experience to discover the meaninglessness of the meaning I had assigned to it and find stillness.

What occurred on my first 200 mcg acid trip was this. I began with setting intention and then listened to a psilocybin playlist with shades on. As it hit, I began to feel the pain in the world and felt that my life too was an expression of it.  I wept as this was heart-rending. Along with this came the sense of my life meaning nothing - this seemed to take the form of fear. I was then shown several things;

-  pain was not as I perceived it. It did not matter - it was part of the universal wave-form. Waves of lines interwove into a continuous movement constantly changing and moving.

- at one point the wave forms changed to harmonics, Each wave pattern represented a sound and the entire universe was a moving and weaving kaleidoscope of sound. Each sound expressed the range, beauty and perfection of all that was present. I heard these sounds and they were most pure, exquisite pieces of music.

- I saw a grand spirit someone like a majestic dark-skinned Pharoah who said "You are part of us. Look at us - we are not nothing". There was an immense richness and fullness to his aspect and surroundings which represented a forest or a tribe. I think the music helped create that sense. He raised me up, figuratively speaking, and I was gathered into their richness, so to speak. The sense was one of great perfection.

- this changed into the formless 'us'. The word that comes closest to describe it is 'magnificence'. Again it was communicated - Look at us, we are not 'nothing'. The Us included all -  me, the universe, all life. The waves became fulsome and coloured, including all colours, moving, dipping, interweaving, changing forms. The magnificence was vast, There was an immensity, greatness and resplendence with a solemn calm as it bore witness to the universe and at the same time the universe was in it.  it was truly beautiful, perfect and amazing.

I emerged blessed and changed. Would so like to hear your comments.

 

 

Edited May 23, 2020 by astrokeen
typo

[James123]

@astrokeen Do you meditate or contemplate? 

29 minutes ago, astrokeen said:

this changed into the formless 'us'. The word that comes closest to describe it is 'magnificence'. Again it was communicated - Look at us, we are not 'nothing'. The Us included all -  me, the universe, all life. The waves became fulsome and coloured, including all colours, moving, dipping, interweaving, changing forms. The magnificence was vast, There was an immensity, greatness and resplendence with a solemn calm as it bore witness to the universe and at the same time the universe was in it.  it was truly beautiful, perfect and amazing.

You realized the part of the truth. Great experience. But dont forget, there is more beauty to discover  

Edited May 22, 2020 by James123

[Leo Gura]

Something = Nothing

You are Infinity

Keep going deeper.

[mandyjw]

59 minutes ago, astrokeen said:

- this changed into the formless 'us'. The word that comes closest to describe it is 'magnificence'. Again it was communicated - Look at us, we are not 'nothing'. The Us included all -  me, the universe, all life. The waves became fulsome and coloured, including all colours, moving, dipping, interweaving, changing forms. The magnificence was vast, There was an immensity, greatness and resplendence with a solemn calm as it bore witness to the universe and at the same time the universe was in it.  it was truly beautiful, perfect and amazing.

Jesus, this took me to a whole nother place just reading it. 

[astrokeen]

@James123 @Leo Gura @mandyjw Thank you for your comments.

I think because I had been so fearful of the nothingness - which I think was more based on a childhood trauma where I wasn't cared for so that left the sense that I meant nothing - the aspect shown to me countered that fear.

I did also experience universal love and compassion but not as prominently as the 'magnificence'. 

I hope to now begin meditating regularly in readiness for an even deeper experience next time. Any advice as to what kind of meditation would be most helpful would be very welcome.

Edited May 23, 2020 by astrokeen

[James123]

1 hour ago, astrokeen said:

I think because I had been so fearful of the nothingness - which I think was more based on a childhood trauma where I wasn't cared for so that left the sense that I meant nothing - the aspect shown to me countered that fear.

Meditation, contemplation and letting go will help. Thats why i asked you a question about meditation.

[astrokeen]

@James123 , I am poor at meditation. Have tried it over the years and largely abandoned it as after a rush of enthusiasm petered out. It has been frustrating to say the least. What I want to persist with now is mantra meditation, to focus on a certain sound while breathing in and out. If I can keep this focus even for a few minutes, that would be good. The trip has given me greater resolve to pursue meditation and be less disheartened if I fail :).

[James123]

14 minutes ago, astrokeen said:

@James123 , I am poor at meditation. Have tried it over the years and largely abandoned it as after a rush of enthusiasm petered out. It has been frustrating to say the least. What I want to persist with now is mantra meditation, to focus on a certain sound while breathing in and out. If I can keep this focus even for a few minutes, that would be good. The trip has given me greater resolve to pursue meditation and be less disheartened if I fail :).

Lol  you can do it. Just believe in yourself. Thats all what it takes  meditation is the king to stay as consciousness level after the trip. If you don’t meditate, it will be easy to come back to ego. You just remember the trip as a good memory lol.

[astrokeen]

@James123 , yes that is exactly why I will stay with it. I need to retain the sense of what I received and experience more. 

[James123]

10 hours ago, astrokeen said:

@James123 , yes that is exactly why I will stay with it. I need to retain the sense of what I received and experience more. 

? trust your experience dont fall into illusion, specially thoughts. Good luck brother. 

[astrokeen]

@James123 , how do people move on after having had experiences of such beauty or infinty?  It seems to bring a backlash of sorts.

I do trust the experience and think of it much of the day. I wonder how I can best integrate it into my daily life. I listen to the trip playlist to replay it in my mind and it brings tears to my eyes. I am also finding it hard to sleep. The lack of sleeplessness doesn't help, of course, and leaves me feeling even more shaken, tired and close to tears.

Is this a kind of normal reaction? 

Edited May 25, 2020 by astrokeen

[James123]

@astrokeen Because, you will become infinite and infinite love  actually you are already it  

In my realization, i cried 9 hours non stop. Thats why crying is totally normal  

 

[astrokeen]

@James123 Thank you, brother.

[James123]

10 hours ago, astrokeen said:

 

@James123 , how do people move on after having had experiences of such beauty or infinty?  

 

Thats the point. After the realization you see that everything is you. You never born and will never die.  Your mom, chair, me, all are identical. There is no movement is going on just love and infinite as nothing. Infinite and love are right here the moment, and is you. 
 

Anytime brother.