Career failure

[lostmedstudent]

***This is a big deal for me but everything is relative so keep that in mind ***

i am still recovering psychologically from this huge "relative" failure. i finished medical school this year and i did not match into my specialty of choice. i wanted to become a psychiatrist. unfortunately, it did not work out (it was a very competitive process). i matched in family medicine and had to face a lot of doubt and rejection during a brutal 5 months application period.  i worked hard all throughout medical school to build my CV, extracurricular, spent 100s of hours drafting my motivation letter, working on my file, getting the connections, then i got rejected by 10 programs even before the interview. i traveled across the country to attend 10 interviews, and ended up in my 7th choice. it was a big slap in the face. it was one of the shittiest feeling ive ever felt. the day that i found out , felt like the world crashing down. we are now almost 3 months since, i dont know how many times i cried over it and there are still days where it hurts me to think about how things unfolded. 

i worked a lot on myself during the past 3 months, meditating, contemplating, accepting my reality, but the more i think, the more confused i get. So i stop thinking, because then i feel more at peace. but stop thinking doesnt help me move on because the psychological wound still sits inside me. overall i am better, but there are still days where i break into tears, days where i feel like a failure, i feel dark and lost. 

i have a few options ahead of me. i could try to match in psychiatry again (chances are slimmer, but present. i could even try forever, i can reapply every year... but how far can you really go... how long can you keep the hope up... or i could accept and move on. so far i have tried to accept to move on, but i dont feel happy. i havent started working yet  as a family medicine resident, so my opinion about it might change. i might actually love it and be okay with it. (i dont hate family med, i just feel bad about doing something that i didnt choose). 

i can tell i have a lot of resentment towards this whole process, the medical system, and even my peers (many of my friends are in the same boat or worse than me). i want to know: how can i really dig into this emotional resentment and release it? there are days where i feel a ball in my chest and i just wanna cry but cant. 

how can i truly grow from this experience? i am still hung up on the failure? its 5 years of my life where i just did medical school stuff, 5 months of intense stress that ultimately brought this emotional baggage of not getting what i want. how to deal with this ?? the wound is deeper than i thought. how do i know where my heart is ? how do i follow my heart in this situation?

@Leo Gura could you give me some words of wisdom and inspiration? 

Edited May 22, 2020 by lostmedstudent

[Raptorsin7]

19 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

how can i truly grow from this experience? i am still hung up on the failure? its 5 years of my life where i just did medical school stuff, 5 months of intense stress that ultimately brought this emotional baggage of not getting what i want. how to deal with this ?? the wound is deeper than i thought. how do i know where my heart is ? how do i follow my heart in this situation?

Hey have you looked into Leo's life purpose course?

I remember you said something in another post about wanting to be famous, and make content or something. Maybe you could use your qualifications as a doctor to start a youtube channel, or a website, and provide a more conscious and holistic perspective on medicine. 

I feel like one door has closed, but there really are an infinite number of other doors that are better than the door that just closed for you. 

Maybe try getting creative as to how you can bridge your spiritual path, with your current job as a doctor. Could be worth doing some brain storming and spending time contemplating the question of you want out of your career.

Also, with respect to your failure. I think learning to deal with failure is an incredible skill to cultivate, I know still struggle hard with this. Failure is part of life, and I think it's necessary to take risks and fail at life for us to grow as people. As to how to follow your heart, I'm still struggling with this one, but maybe it's worth just feeling this out rather than trying to think your way out of it. Just sit and be with the pain and the thoughts without reacting, then notice how you feel.

If you really want to do psychiatry then it could be worth just trying again, and looking into how you can better prepare for the admissions process. But I think the issue maybe be deeper. It could be worth reflecting on why you're the type of person who allows their happiness to be affected by the failures of their career. Life is short and well being and happiness is always the prior condition to whatever is occurring. Imagine an enlightened master in your exact situation, would they allow their well being to be disrupted, idk? But it could be worth looking into the mechanics of your own well being and try to find a way to cultivate a place of well being within yourself that can't be shaken. A sort of refuge within yourself that can be accessed at anytime.

You could use this low point as a  spark for the next phase of your life. This could be an incredible blessing for you in the long run. When we are at low points we are open to great change. 

A great quote I've heard on here recently, is where tears fall, divine mercy is shown. Maybe go to a secluded place with no distractions and just let it out. Don't involve anyone, and just go sit alone somewhere.

 

[Elisabeth]

What is it about psychiatry that you wanted so much? 

[Leo Gura]

On 5/22/2020 at 3:18 PM, lostmedstudent said:

how can i truly grow from this experience? i am still hung up on the failure? its 5 years of my life where i just did medical school stuff, 5 months of intense stress that ultimately brought this emotional baggage of not getting what i want. how to deal with this ?? the wound is deeper than i thought. how do i know where my heart is ? how do i follow my heart in this situation?

I can relate. My first job didn't work out the way I wanted either. It was heartbreaking, but also it presented me with my biggest opportunity for advancing my career. Within a year I quit that job and started my own business.

Yes, you sunk a lot of time in this, but now you're getting clear about what you definitely don't want in terms of your career. This clarity is worth the price you paid for it if you use it to realign yourself towards what your heart and soul are truly calling you to do.

What is your life purpose? Are you clear? What is your heart set on doing career-wise? If it's psychiatry (let's just assume that for now), then all you need to do to feel better about yourself is to double-down on your vision to become an amazing psychiatrist. How it will happen is largely irrelevant. You must program yourself with the vision that this what you want and you will make it happen. There is no good reason why you cannot become a psychiatrist eventually. It might takes some years, but people become psychiatrists all the time, so can you. It's just a question of clarity, vision, and passion. How badly do you want it? Even if you can't be a psychiatrist right now, it doesn't matter because what matters is your vision. You can spend the next few years just building up the vision and training yourself such that you become so good as a candidate that people won't be able to ignore you.

Stop waiting for someone to make you a psychiatrist. If it is your vision, you already ARE a psychiatrist -- it's just not been made official yet. From today on start acting as if you were a real psychiatrist. Go above and beyond what a normal psychiatrist does. Do whatever you must to make yourself exceptional in this field. Do the research, read the books, attend seminars and workshops, read journals, make psychiatrist friends, do free psychiatry on your friends and family for practice, act like psychiatrist in your dreams and visualizations, go to a hypnotist and ask him to program you that you are a successful psychiatrist, etc.

This is not an external world career problem. This is a vision and self-confidence problem. It's a lack of passion and commitment problem. You are unclear and doubting yourself.

 

 

Are you gonna let some fucking bureaucracy tell you who you can be?

[EddieEddie1995]

@Leo Gura It looks like you have some good motivating skills! Is that something you are working on ?

@Raptorsin7 

On 5/23/2020 at 7:57 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

Also, with respect to your failure. I think learning to deal with failure is an incredible skill to cultivate, I know still struggle hard with this. Failure is part of life, and I think it's necessary to take risks and fail at life for us to grow as people. As to how to follow your heart, I'm still struggling with this one, but maybe it's worth just feeling this out rather than trying to think your way out of it. Just sit and be with the pain and the thoughts without reacting, then notice how you feel.

Yes! Im trying to do the same... when we get through and understand  the process of failure(negative emotions), and trial and error is something we are comfortable with, omg...the things we are able to do! 

[Akemrelax]

@Leo Gura The Arnold Schwarzenegger videos you linked don’t resonate at all with me. The underlying vibe is of greed, lust and gross survival, and not of meditativeness, curiously and playfulness.

The videos seem very dirty. ?

Don’t you think there is a more quieter, conscious way that doesn’t require me turning into a Slytherin or an animal for success? Perhaps a stage green or above motivation?

@lostmedstudent Identify your top values and follow through on them - this is what motivation boils down to, I think. 

[Nobody_Here]

16 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

Don’t you think there is a more quieter, conscious way that doesn’t require me turning into a Slytherin or an animal for success? Perhaps a stage green or above motivation?

@lostmedstudent Identify your top values and follow through on them - this is what motivation boils down to, I think. 

Try this video of a turquoise doctor’s interview. He had a very winding career path but ended up predicting covid19 would originate from Wuhan, China. He integrates green ideals with systematic yellow thinking, with a turquoise ecosystem cherry on top. And most impressive of all is that his medical claims actually check out, satisfying any skeptical orange...but boy, does he rail against the US blue-orange medical system. I thought it was orange, but his personal experiences make me think there is a dysfunctional blue streak in that system as well. The best career path isn’t always the direct one. I know it wasn’t for me, and definitely not for this guy, either. But wow, this guy is legit. ?

 

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Akemrelax said:

The Arnold Schwarzenegger videos you linked don’t resonate at all with me. The underlying vibe is of greed, lust and gross survival, and not of meditativeness, curiously and playfulness.

The videos seem very dirty. ?

Whooooooosh!

Over your head.

Don't confuse Arnold's mastery and passion and vision with greed or gross survival.

You guys are missing out on important lessons from healthy stages Blue & Orange.

Nail down the fundamentals like visioning, goal-setting, planning, self-motivation, discipline, work ethic, commitment, patience, focus, overcoming failure, taking responsibility, not playing victim, etc. before you go chasing New Age pipe dreams.

[Chumbimba]

@lostmedstudent you have to give yourself kudos for even making it through med school in the first place!! that shit took a lot out of you and not a lot of people can make it through that shit. I am in a similar situation. I am switching from psychology to software engineering/Computer Science and have met with tons of failure (especially in math) but as Leo said you need a strong vision. I visualized myself every night for about a month living in Bali writing code for people as a freelancer ( i know it's corny as shit) but I have learned soooo much about computers that I never would have know about before in just a couple months. Failure is temporary as fuck. you only fail if you quit.  Do psycho-analysis on your boyfriend that you just moved in with, that would be excellent practice  

[Eren Eeager]

@lostmedstudent

Hi there

I am a medical student too and  I am also considering psychiatry for specialty. First of all, are you talking about USMLE match or what? from what I know, psychiatry is not that competitive in US, you can easily get a match with a 240. I don't know If you'r  talking about US match but there is also UK program too. it is much easier and you can easily specialize in psychiatry there.

 

[DreamScape]

Yeah, what he did I would not consider gross survival

For example, he was in the army, not allowed to leave, so he snuck out and went to a gym championship and won. If he was doing it for survival, it would've been the opposite and fear based. 

I agree with @Leo Gura

[lostmedstudent]

On 5/23/2020 at 1:57 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

I feel like one door has closed, but there really are an infinite number of other doors that are better than the door that just closed for you. 

Maybe try getting creative as to how you can bridge your spiritual path, with your current job as a doctor. Could be worth doing some brain storming and spending time contemplating the question of you want out of your career.

thank you for your advice!

i basically tried to sit with the failure for the past 2 months, i did contemplation, cried a lot, tried to accept it etc

[lostmedstudent]

On 5/24/2020 at 3:54 AM, Elisabeth said:

What is it about psychiatry that you wanted so much? 

i like its fluidity. theres so much creativity involved. in contrast to other branches of medicine, where we rely a lot on evidence based science, algorithm, guidelines. psychiatry is more open to new paradigms. you can carve your own approach with patients and it changes the therapeutic relationship. theres also the possibility to get involved in psychedelic research and help advance that field. theres a great emphasis on human interaction. we spend way more time per patient than any other specialty doctors. we dont have to rush the patients. and i find being able to help people go through psychiatric and psychological difficulties is the most rewarding thing. 

 

On 5/23/2020 at 1:57 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

A great quote I've heard on here recently, is where tears fall, divine mercy is shown. Maybe go to a secluded place with no distractions and just let it out. Don't involve anyone, and just go sit alone somewhere.

[lostmedstudent]

On 5/25/2020 at 4:14 PM, Leo Gura said:

What is your life purpose? Are you clear? What is your heart set on doing career-wise?

 

On 5/25/2020 at 4:14 PM, Leo Gura said:

How badly do you want it?

see those 2 questions i am not able to answer with certainty. i am not clear-visioned and i am in doubt. are you saying i should just bite the bullet and "choose" a vision and stick with it , because there is no right or wrong choices anyway? (in this case, pursue psychiatry VS. just be happy and be the best family doc i can). 

how to deal with doubts and uncertainty? 

[lostmedstudent]

On 5/26/2020 at 2:49 AM, Chumbimba said:

Do psycho-analysis on your boyfriend that you just moved in with, that would be excellent practice  

thanks  best of luck in your endeavours too. 

On 5/25/2020 at 9:00 PM, Nobody_Here said:

He had a very winding career path but ended up predicting covid19 would originate from Wuhan, China.

interesting .. thanks ill check it out

 

On 5/26/2020 at 2:55 AM, Eren Eeager said:

First of all, are you talking about USMLE match or what?

nope, your neighbor up north . good luck in your match

[Elisabeth]

4 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

i like its fluidity. theres so much creativity involved. in contrast to other branches of medicine, where we rely a lot on evidence based science, algorithm, guidelines. psychiatry is more open to new paradigms. you can carve your own approach with patients and it changes the therapeutic relationship. theres also the possibility to get involved in psychedelic research and help advance that field. theres a great emphasis on human interaction. we spend way more time per patient than any other specialty doctors. we dont have to rush the patients. and i find being able to help people go through psychiatric and psychological difficulties is the most rewarding thing. 

 

What you talk about is involved in therapy - maybe more in the therapist-klient relationship then in the psychiatrist-patient relationship. How do you feel about that? 

[lostmedstudent]

@Elisabeth yeah but psychiatrists have more of a leadership role. we are physicians. we can prescribe medications, we can help people in acute crisis, in psychiatric emergency, severe inpatient management, etc. we have more decision making and power compared to other mental health workers involved in the therapy. psychological issues are dealt in multidisciplinary fashions and psychiatrists are like the conductor in the therapeutic orchestra. 

 

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

see those 2 questions i am not able to answer with certainty. i am not clear-visioned and i am in doubt. are you saying i should just bite the bullet and "choose" a vision and stick with it , because there is no right or wrong choices anyway? (in this case, pursue psychiatry VS. just be happy and be the best family doc i can). 

how to deal with doubts and uncertainty? 

No, I'm saying you should do the inner work to get as clear as you can. But also, don't wait for perfection. You don't want to get stuck in paralysis by analysis. Part of your clarification will be in taking action.

Have you taken my LP Course? If not, that would really help you here.

[Evil Raccoon]

On 5/26/2020 at 5:50 AM, Leo Gura said:

You guys are missing out on important lessons from healthy stages Blue & Orange.

Besides the fact that if there wasn't civilization with laws and shit there'd probably be fucking bloodbaths everywere all the time, I can't find somethin healthy or positive in Blue.I just CAN'T stand that stage!

[Nahm]

Even if the sky is raining fire, even if hell is at your door, even if you can not readily see the way  - believe in yourself.