Opening up the "knot in the stomach" (Manipura?)

[KingCrimson]

Hello everyone,

I'll try to be as brief as possible while not excluding any essential information.

I have been self-actualizing for the past 3 years (that is, actually doing the work rather than just watching/reading self-help content). Ever since my first psychedelic experience, an acid trip a few years ago, I noticed I had stored a LOT of tension in my stomach area. To this day, most of my trips are focused on this one and only thing, and my intuition tells me that this is the single most important thing I have to deal with to heal and self-actualize. During the trip, it feels like this knot (which I had not been aware of before my first trip, but which I am now aware of constantly) is ever so slowly opening up, layer upon layer upon layer. This process feels intuitively cleansing, healing and positive, but at the same time it can be both physically and emotionally painful. Sometimes when I breathe into the knot and it is opening up a bit, all of a sudden an absolutely gut-wrenching emotion will surface. I have no words to describe it, it is nothing that I ordinarily feel, but it feels utterly heartbreaking. The process is also accompanied by a lot of things going on in the GI tract. There can be a lot of gas, belching and burping or even full-on diarrhea and/or vomiting, even though I don't eat much before my trips and generally have a healthy diet. So basically most of the 10-12 hours of the trip will be spent just sitting there paying attention to what's going on in my stomach, trying to breathe into this knot and to let go of the muscles at the same time, gas being released one way or the other, etc. However, no matter how often or how long I do this, it never seems to be enough - I can never get total relief, there is always some tension left, and the knot remains.

After my discovery of this knot I tried to make sense of what was going on. I asked my therapist what she thought of this, showed her the way it looks when I breathe into it and she made me aware of the fact that I had a physical "hole" right between the solar plexus and the navel where the Manipura chakra is supposed to be. She suggested that it might just be that I have been tensing my stomach muscles all my life out of fear, but couldn't really suggest what else I could be doing other than what I already was doing, and accepting the fact that I have this hole rather than being so frustrated with it. I have since taken up Kriya Yoga, and it feels to me like some of the asanas are helpful and especially the alternate nostril breathing seems to be like a small-scale acid trip in so far as I can feel the knot opening up during the Pranayama as well, but not with the same intensity as during my LSD trips. Sometimes I just sit there and practise breathing into this knot for hours on end because I want to get rid of the tightness so badly, and while I can feel it getting better ever so slowly, I can never be fully relaxed. Sometimes I feel like not doing anything else except working on this one issue since I am aware of it all the time and it bothers me so much. Especially during alternate nostril breathing I tend to start sweating and feel my entire vibrate as well - is this to be expected, and what does this mean, why does it occur? Is it just a natural part of the cleansing process?

I am writing this in the hope that somebody can relate to this, has an idea what exactly is going on and might even be able to suggest a course of action to resolve this issue. My best guess is that I simply have a closed solar plexus chakra that needs to be opened up, and if that is the case, I guess there is not much to be done except what I am already doing (yoga, meditation, breathing into it, intensive LSD sessions). I am a bit frustrated at this point because I am diligently practising every day and have worked on this issue on ~30 trips over the past few years, it seems like I am not really making any progress. No matter how far the knot is opened up, tension always remains. 

I am sorry if my posting is a bit all over the place, but I think you get the gist. I would be deeply grateful for any and all insights, suggestions etc. related to this issue. Thank you very much in advance!

[cxsxlx]

My experience is that I was afraid of the purge, which kept me hanging onto the gut knot. Letting it all spew out freed me. 

[Fishy]

I have something similar just the knot moves around from throat, heart and recently it has started moving down to stomach. Sometimes it goes up in my head and my head feels like it's blown up with air. This got more intense after I was doing kriya yoga. I also have experienced lots of the burping belching especially while meditating  and being aware of the knot. Feels like it releases a little bit or something. And also what you are saying about the emotions I can relate to. I try to sit with this knot and sometimes it changes and open more or turn into a different sensation. But it seem to always constrict back after a while. I have experienced this without any psychs. 

Edited May 22, 2020 by Fishy

[KingCrimson]

Thank you everybody for your replies, they have been very helpful indeed!

The trauma release exercise looks pretty much like what has been happening to me of its own accord during the trips. It is good to know there is a name for it and that there is an easy way to self-induce the trembling. I have tried it already and it works pretty well. Also, I have researched a few practises to stretch the psoas muscle and might incorporate them into my daily routine.

As far as being afraid of the purge, this might very well be true for me. On one of my higher dose trips, I had a pretty cathartic but also scary experience where I had to vomit so much I was afraid I might suffocate. To this day this was the only negative experience I ever had with psychedelics (if you can call it that, as even during the experience I realised how cathartic and healing it was, even though it was extremely exhausting). A lot of shit had been released that day. I always trip alone so I can do whatever I feel I need to do and nobody interferes with my work, but that time a trip sitter would have been extremely helpful. I haven't dared to exceed 400ug ever since. I figured it shouldn't be necessary to take this high of a dose and get rid of it all in one go, and have opted instead to work with doses of 200ug to do this in a slower and safer way. I do notice though that whenever it seems like the time for vomiting has come - interestingly enough, this doesn't happen during the peak of the experience as one might expect, but mostly around the 8-10 hour mark - I do become afraid and would rather not do it. I haven't tried Ayahuasca for the same reason. Not a fan of vomiting at all. I think it might be a good idea for me to tackle this fear and do an ayahuasca trip where vomiting is pretty much guaranteed, but only with a sitter so I can feel more at ease. 

I am curious @cxsxlx, are you now free permanently free from this knot? Do you think a one-time purge is the way to go rather than slowly chipping away at it?

Again, thank you everybody, your help is invaluable.